Rapper Says YOLO to Drunk Driving and Dies Twenty Minutes LaterNow, we all know that when looking for a credible, reliable source on topics like life and philosophy, we should turn to the nearest rapper and ask his advice. If you had asked aspiring rapper Ervin McKinness for his advice on the topic of driving while drunk, he would have told you “Definitely a bad idea, son. Designated drivers are your keys to big pimpin’”.
Ok, he would never have said that. Had you tweeted that same question to him, though, you would have seen this take on the topic:
You had half a bottle of Henny and you have to get across town? #F**kIt, son! What’s the worst that could happen drifting 120 MPH around corners?
Oh, right. Death. Death could happen.
McKinness, known as Jew'elz and Inkyy in the music community that had recently awarded him a recording deal, never got a chance to make any music professionally because 21 minutes after he said “f**k it” to driving drunk, the SUV he was in skidded into a wall and killed all five of the car’s occupants, including the would-be rapper.
Maybe YOLTM (You Only Live Twenty Minutes) would have been a more appropriate hashtag?
Anti-Seatbelt Activist Dies After Being Thrown From SUVDerek Kieper was an honors student, a friend, and most notably, a bad-ass anti-seatbelt rebel.
Kieper described himself as being part of “a die-hard group of non-wearers out there who simply do not wish to buckle up no matter what the government does”. So staunch was he that the government shouldn’t have any say in the safety precautions folks take while in motor vehicles, he took to the pages of the Daily Nebraskan a mere three months prior to his death to extol his position to the readers of the paper.
Practicing his unwavering allegiance to keeping his seatbelt holstered, Kieper and two of his seatbelt-wearing frat brothers were returning from a trip to San Antonio, Texas when the SUV they were travelling in hit an icy patch and flew off the road before rolling over several times in a roadside ditch. Both the driver and the front seat passenger survived the crash with non-life threatening injuries while Kieper, who was ejected from the car when it careened off the highway, died on impact.
Woman Dies of Water Poisoning Trying to Win a WiiIt’s so poetic: a woman trying to win a Nintendo Wii dies because she can’t wee.
The incident transpired when Jennifer Strange, a 28-year-old mother of three, took place in radio station KDND’s “Hold your wee for a Wii” contest. The winner would be the contestant who could drink the most water without breaking for a pee. Other participants speculated, after the game had ended, that Strange and some of the others participating in the contest had drank upwards of two gallons of water in their efforts to win a $250 game box.
Far from being ignorant of the potential for harm involved in drinking that much water, several incidents of water poisoning were referenced on the air while the game was underway, and a nurse even called the radio show to warn that the contestants could face health risks if they continued. What risks, you may ask: oh, just death.
But Strange soldiered on and even went to work after the contest ended, eventually heading home in tremendous pain later in the day. Her mother found her dead in her home shortly thereafter.
To add insult to…well, death, Strange came in second in the contest and did not win the Wii.
Tenor Sings “You Can Only Live So Long” and DiesWhen you were a kid, did your mom ever try to take you out to cultural activities like a play or the museum by telling you “Come on, just try it; it’s not gonna kill you”? Well suck on this mom: the opera straight up kills people!
62-year-old opera veteran Richard Versalle was getting his sing on in the premiere of "The Makropulos Case" at the Lincoln Center in New York City when he basically told the audience he was about to die. Well, not Versalle so much as his character (a clerk) who was standing on a ladder, fetching a file from a cabinet. After singing the line “you can only live so long”, he had a heart attack and fell fifteen feet to the stage below.
The performance halted and the house doctor declared Versalle, and opening night, dead. No refunds were issued.
Man Proves Strength of Window Glass, Frailty of Window Pane in Deadly FallI feel really bad making light of someone who fell out a window and died since I myself fell out a window and lived (true story), but this was a real tempting fate situation where, in my case, my bed was just a real dick.
Anyway, Gary Hoy, a lawyer in Toronto, Canada, had a real affinity for demonstrating to visitors the strength of the glass in his 24th story office. On a fateful day in July, Hoy was giving a demo of the glass’s strength by throwing himself at full force into the pane. On what was apparently his second demo of the day, Hoy’s shoulder knocked the window free of its frame and he and the glass piece fell 24 stories down to the street below, much to the horror of the law students he was trying to impress.
Though it can’t be officially confirmed, Hoy is thought to be the inspiration for this lawyer joke:
A serial killer, a con artist and a lawyer fall off the roof of a 10-story building. Who hits the ground first?
(Sweet, merciful Jebus, I need to finish writing this in a room without a window…)
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