Most Likely to Have a Disease By litgoddess [23 more lists]

It's 12:00pm at your local doctor's office and the who's who of Hollywood is catching up on their Reader's Digest.

In a line-up more impressive than the cast of Ben-Fur, these fools forwent protection in favor of maximum pretension, resulting in a minimum of presentation but a surplus of retention.

Now appearing on an episode of "The Itchy & Scratchy Show"....

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1

Madonna

Paris might belong at the top of this list instead, but Madonna is twice her age and therefore has more time in the seat.

While we salute her originality of music, creativity with her identities and participation in the adoption movement that's sweeping Tinsletown, we also acknowledge it doesn't take much creativity to be a revolving door or be A-Rod's pinch hitter.

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2

Paris Hilton

"Uh, huh. Uh, huh. *doing nails* Uh, huh. Uh, wait. What? What, is that like a credit card or something? What? No, that's impossible. I'm very picky about who I sleep with, doctor. And this is me we're talking about. I'm not some cheap whore without a real job who is desperate to be loved and will sleep with just about anyone. C'mon. Nice talking to you doctor." CLICK

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3

Lindsay Lohan

Really? We have to explain this?

Female revolving door who never says no, can't avoid getting a DUI to save her life and hasn't worked in years.

Winner.

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4

Wilmer Valerrama

"Seriously? C'mon, doc, I'm a friggin' superstar! I have natural immunity to traffic tickets, jury duty and infectious germs. Do you know who I am? Do you KNOW WHO I AM?!"

"Well, Wilmer, yes I do know who you are. And to be quite honest, so do a lot of disease ridden young starlets and tartlets in Hollywood. I'd be surprised if there ISN'T anyone you slept with. What's more, your fucking STD doesn't give a s**t WHO you are, so I suggest you invest in a box of friggin' condoms."

My gosh, who could it be? Lindsay? No, no. She told me she was clean.

Rhianna? No, wait, we didn't actually sleep together but does trying count?

Mandy Moore? No, that b***h actually insisted on a condom.

Paris? Whatevs. She was lucky to be with me. I did her a freaking FAVOR, so that doesn't count.

Mary-Kate...or was it Ashley? Wait, was it Hillary Duff?

Why am I freaking out? I'm Wilmer "Manwhore" Valderrama.

Nothing can touch me.

Who cares? That's 5 or 6 degrees of STD separation.

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5

New York

We don't really understand why there are people lining up to be with this woman, nor are we amused by her pathetic attempts to land a job.

The only thing landing in her case is her fanny on someone's lap.

Times 10.

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6

Flavor Flav

9 different kids from 9 different women.

That's 9 different sets of issues.

That's 9 separate child therapists and psychologists to pay.

That's 9 different child support adjustments.

That's 9 failed condoms.

That's a man with entirely too much time on his hands and even more DNA to donate.

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7

Hugh Hefner

Men everywhere salute him and he takes a pill to salute them back.

Actually, I do respect his contribution to the college fund and what he's done for the p*********y industry.

But given that he's a living relic and is sleeping with girls young enough to be his great-great granddaughters, it's kind of ooky to imagine that kind of pillow talk.

"So, dear, how was your day?"

"Well, like, my hair stylist killed my bleach job. And like, my swimsuit is sooo out of fashion. And like, I can't get the bikini waxer on the phone to save my life. And like, we were kind of hoping we could go out tomorrow night. And like..."

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8

Brett Michaels

This reminds me of the Austrailian tarzan who tried turning city girls into Outback natives.

He "felt a connection" with everyone.

Bret follows the same line of logic and has deep connections with all of his contestants.

Still, it's somewhat creepy to think that after almost 3 decades in the business, he still can't find a groupie to kick it with.

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9

Amy Winehouse

God Bless Amy.

While America is still searching for talent, the UK is blessed with this lovely creation who can belt out a song while still lying down.

Whilst she remains ever faithful to her long-suffering husband, Blake Incarcerated, she maintains an even more loving relationship with her collection of needles and pipes.

I seriously doubt anyone who remains high half as much as she does has any idea where her contraband comes from. And as much as I love gazing at the hairy concoction on her head, I must ask when was the last time it was washed? When was the last time SHE was washed?

Please Amy, come back from the dark side.

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10

Samantha Ronson

Poor Samantha.

It's not bad enough that Lindsay passed on more STD's than a condom at an AIDS festival.

Now the woman won't leave you alone and her father thinks your the anti-Christ.

We suggest bathing in a vat of bleach, followed by a dunk in a pool of cyanide and topping it off with an injection of chlorine.

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Showing items 1 - 5 of 10

Madonna

Wilmer Valerrama

New York

Flavor Flav

Hugh Hefner

Brett Michaels

Samantha Ronson