--William Butler Yeats.
These are some of our favorite, most lovable TV drunks. Famous drunks: cartoon characters, ad men, a shoe salesman, even a kindergarten teacher – they are all proof that it's OK to enjoy the results of a good fermentation process. This list of alcoholic TV characters includes some of the greatest TV characters of all time, because hey, boozehounds are people too. Vote for your favorite drunk TV characters and see if you recognize all of the TV alcoholics on this list.
"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." --Homer Simpson
Homer was the original cartoon drunk (well, the first one with his own show). He consumes so much beer that his bartender, Moe, is a regular character and his favorite brew, Duff's, is probably better known to some than his perpetual infantile daughter's name (seriously, people never remember it).
BEST OF HOMER BEER QUOTES
"I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats." When the Simpsons are low on money and have to cut back on things like beer.
"I like my beer cold... my TV loud... and my homosexuals flaming."
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs."
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
"DOE RE MI BEER
DOUGH... the stuff...that buys me beer...
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
FAR..... the distance to my beer
SO...... I think I'll have a beer...
LA...... La la la la la la beer
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
That will bring us back to...(Looks into an empty glass)
--Homer J. Simpson
Series: The Simpsons
Actor: Dan Castellaneta
Occupation: Nuclear Safety Inspector
Episode: Donnie Fatso
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TV's most beer-crazed lovable teddy bear, Norm Peterson is a man of few words but with a strong appetite for the brew. This show takes place in a bar... AND HE IS ALWAYS THERE.
Watch the video to the left to see Norm and Cliff sing some sparkling renditions of "Lollipop."
BEST OF NORM QUOTES
SAM: What do you know there, Norm?
NORM: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?
SAM: What'd you like, Normie?
NORM: A reason to live. Give me another beer.
WOODY: How's it going, Mr. Peterson?
WOODY: I'm sorry to hear that.
NORM: No, I mean pour.
WOODY: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
NORM: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
SAM: What's new, Normie?
NORM: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.
WOODY: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
NORM: The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody.
WOODY: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
NORM: The warranty on my liver.
COACH: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
NORM: Daddy wuvs you.
Actor: George Wendt
Also Rankedsee more on Norm Peterson
A fan of "Girlie Girl" beer, Al once held a meeting of NO MA'AM (National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood) when Yoko Ono appeared on the beer's label.
Series: Married... with Children
Actor: Ed O'Neill
Episode: Top of the Heap
Also Rankedsee more on Al Bundy
Peter Griffin loves beer, just like Homer Simpson. He's fat with three kids, one of them a baby, and has a wife that is WAY too hot for him. Griffin, not unlike Simpson, also enjoys a good pint of beer at his local pub with his friends after work.
He even built a lounge in his basement so that he'd never have to leave the house to drink and so that he and his friends could give a new meaning to the term 'regular' at their local bar. Like all great TV drunks, Peter's wife Lois tries to discourage his excessive beer consumption to no avail. In fact, Peter awakens one morning after a particularly grueling night to find himself asleep on his kitchen table with his family eating breakfast around him.
In one great episode, Peter (ala Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) learns that his favorite brewery, Pawtucket Pat's, has hidden 'golden tickets' in five cases of their beer and the winners get to tour the factory and drink to their B.A.L.s reach previously unregistered heights. Peter drinks and drinks until he finds his golden ticket and soon gets to enter a mystical world of malty and hoppy deliciousness.
Series: Family Guy
Actor: Seth MacFarlane
Occupation: Office Worker
Also Rankedsee more on Peter Griffin
Bender from "Futurama" not only loves smoking, drinking, gambling, and treating others like crap, but the circuits of his robot body are LITERALLY fueled by alcohol.
To add to the point, his name is BENDER. As in, going on a Bender. We actually just recently put that together.
Bender's pretty much miserable when he doesn't get to drink, a true sign of an alcoholic, and often says things such as, "What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker."
Much like the majority of the people on this list, he's mostly a piece of crap, but we love him because like most TV alcoholics, we don't have to be around him and he makes us laugh.
Actor: John DiMaggio
Also Rankedsee more on Bender
Aside from a brief stint of sobriety that afforded Barney the opportunity to pilot a helicopter (among other things), Homer J Simpson's best bud is a RAGING alcoholic. He's sucked the taps at Moe's, drank from pooled beer on the street, and even produced an award-winning movie about his alcoholism (Pukahontas).
Some of Barney's better quotes on alcohol:
"In case you get hungry, there's an open beer in the fridge."
"Moe, I've come here to make amends for my disgraceful behaviour over the last twenty years...I broke barstools, befouled your broom closet, and made sweet love to your pool table, which I then befouled."
Also Rankedsee more on Barney Gumble
7 people just voted on The gang from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
"We aren't sending Frank to rehab for bad ideas."
They own a bar, the worst bar in Philadelphia, to be correct. The gang on 'It's Always Sunny" is probably some of the drunkest buncha drunks ever to grace the boob tube.
Their excessive drinking and minimal thinking has lead to some amazing ideas like the 'shot gun,' Paddy's dollars, kitten mittons and most wonderfully Green Man.
Frank Reynolds ('dad' to Sweet Dee, Dennis and maybe Charlie) in his nasty, genius little mind, decided to start drinking his boxed wine out of can, that way no one would know that he was drinking and could carry it around with him wherever and whenever he wanted. In this clip, Dennis and Dee are working on staging and intervention for Frank concerning his drink, while drinking and praising Frank for his brilliant wine in a can idea.
Also notice that a lot of episodes open with them drinking, but before that there are titles that state when the episode is taking place... and it's usually relatively early in the morning...on a weekday...in Philadelphia...and that's probably why.
"I'm not having a glass of wine, I'm having six. It's called a flight and it's classy."
There's not a single thing Randy Marsh won't abuse in excess (weed, shopping, creme fraicheeeeee) and alcohol is no exception. I mean, the guy takes down flights of wine like they were travelling through Malaysian airspace (too soon?) and starts brawls at little league games. He's kind of a pro at this alcoholism thing.
Also Rankedsee more on Randy Marsh