culture The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines  

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List Rules Vote up the most ridiculous sex "tips"

Sex can be a confusing adventure, and so it's reasonable that newbies or those looking to spice up their love life would look to mainstream magazines for inspiration. Unfortunately for these people, magazines need to continually come up with new gimmicks to make sure they're not putting out the same advice every month- which leads to a whole lot of misguided and impractical sex tips. These tips hail from very reputable sources, such as Cosmopolitan. You'll also see some tips from international magazines (what the hell is a 'chap' and an 'ice-lolly'?) and Men's Health, which proves that both men and Europeans are getting just as backwards advice as American women. 

Why do people still think it's sexy to incorporate food in sex? At best it'll mess your sheets up, at worst you get a bacterial infection. Do you think the people who wrote these have actually had sex before? Would you actually try any of these tips? Which ones seem the most misguided? Let us know which tip is the most outrageous by voting on which one you could never, ever try to pull off, even with Upton or Gosling.
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1
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Wear a leather belt around you... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Wear a leather belt around your naked waist during doggy-style. He can pull on it to create more bounce. Shouldn't he be the one with the saddle, cowgirl? 

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2
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While he’s kissing you, suck o... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
While he’s kissing you, suck on his tongue seductively, imitating what you do to his penis. This seems unpleasant for both people involved.

3
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Ask him over for dessert. Lie ... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Ask him over for dessert. Lie naked with a few pieces of chocolate on you that he can nibble off. Be sure to lie perfectly still so none fall off, because ants are a real mood-killer.

4
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Hold some sparkling water in y... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Hold some sparkling water in your mouth while giving him oral. The bubbles plus warmth will make him quiver. Or just give him a regular beej, and use the water to rinse out your mouth after. 

5
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Cook dinner topless, put a lit... is listed (or ranked) 5 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Cook dinner topless, put a little tomato sauce on your nipple, and ask him to lick it off. "Spice things up" in the bedroom! Use habanero sauce!

6
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If you have a roommate, rent a... is listed (or ranked) 6 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
If you have a roommate, rent a horror movie and play it while you're having sex. If they hear any screams, they'll assume it's the movie. Don't try to act like Bruce Campbell isn't a total turn on.

7
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Walk - No, haul ass, over to t... is listed (or ranked) 7 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Walk - No, haul ass, over to the kitchen supply aisle, and purchase a silicone pastry brush for him to stroke over your breasts and clitoris. Knock yourself out. Just... avoid cross-contamination. Buy a separate one for the kitchen.

8
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Get him to put a condom on a i... is listed (or ranked) 8 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Get him to put a condom on a ice-lolly and slide it in and out of you. Do you want a yeast infection? This is how you get a yeast infection.

9
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Lightly wrap a cheap beaded ne... is listed (or ranked) 9 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Lightly wrap a cheap beaded necklace around his package, and then move it back and forth. What else are you going to do with those Mardi Gras beads you "earned"? Addendum: Make sure he man-scapes, because... ow. 

10
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Place one hand at the base of ... is listed (or ranked) 10 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Place one hand at the base of his shaft, and twist the tip with the other — like you’re opening a jar. You know what sex needs more of? Indian Burns. 

11
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Move his penis around like a j... is listed (or ranked) 11 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Move his penis around like a joystick - up and down, side to side, and in a circle. Do it with the intensity and vigor of a 13 year-old boy of COD: call him a n00b and insult his mother.

12
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Gently stick his penis through... is listed (or ranked) 12 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Gently stick his penis through the hole of a doughnut, then nibble around it, stopping to suck once in a while. The sugary texture will add an interesting new dimension. IS THIS REAL LIFE

13
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Jiggle his balls back and fort... is listed (or ranked) 13 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Jiggle his balls back and forth as if you're shaking dice in a cup. Then let go of them and yell, "No! NO! I TOLD YOU TO NOT PUT IT ALL ON RED! WE NEED A SECOND MORTGAGE!"

14
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Tie his silky tie loosely arou... is listed (or ranked) 14 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Tie his silky tie loosely around his penis, then roll it up and down for a silky handjob. Even better, sew a little suit for your man's member! Make him wear it, and then fire him for insubordination.

15
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Make a bedroom burrito. While ... is listed (or ranked) 15 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Make a bedroom burrito. While you’re rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can’t do anything with her arms (think burrito or straitjacket). This list has so many food products, food utensils, and food analogies that I can only believe these tips come from Americans.

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16
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Gently stick your thumb in his... is listed (or ranked) 16 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Gently stick your thumb in his back door during climax. It’s a great surprise that most men like. THIS IS BAD ADVICE

17
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Pop your chap into a jar of Nu... is listed (or ranked) 17 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Pop your chap into a jar of Nutella, then present it to your lady. Women love chocolate. PUT FLOWERS ON YOUR DINGUS / PUT A ROMANTIC POEM ON YOUR DINGUS / PUT NICE JEWELRY ON YOUR DINGUS / WOMEN LOVE THESE THINGS AND WILL, BY PROXIMITY, LOVE YOUR DINGUS

18
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Draw an attention-grabbing cir... is listed (or ranked) 18 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Draw an attention-grabbing circle around your nipples using rhinestones and body glue for a special night in. I assume this one is for the dudes, because we ladies don't need help drawing attention to our bits.

19
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Pretend to be a lesbian. is listed (or ranked) 19 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Pretend to be a lesbian. ...OK, I get the whole "desperate girl making out with her friend for attention" thing... but acting like you don't like men at all seems flat-out counterproductive. Where do you go from there? Ask him to try to ...

20
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Instruct him to wrap your ches... is listed (or ranked) 20 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Instruct him to wrap your chest and torso in plastic wrap and touch you through it. The muted sensation feels amazeballs. NEVER take intimate advice from someone who uses the word "Amazeballs."

21
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Wrap pearls around your penis. is listed (or ranked) 21 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Wrap pearls around your penis. Dear misguided youth probably absorbing this advice: Please don't take your mom's nice pearls. Your dad worked hard for them. Also, they've probably already been on his dong.

22
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Hold his penis in one hand and... is listed (or ranked) 22 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other... You can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball, and lightly pinch the shaft and testicles. If you can't pleasure him, confuse him!

23
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Give him a hand job with a gra... is listed (or ranked) 23 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Give him a hand job with a grape between each finger. "Isn't this a GRAPE idea??" "I think we should see other people."

24
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Use the shampoo that was popul... is listed (or ranked) 24 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Use the shampoo that was popular when you were in middle school. This will remind him of the girls he wanked to when he was a teenager. Creepy. SO. CREEPY.

25
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Tie a scrunchie around his pen... is listed (or ranked) 25 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Tie a scrunchie around his penis. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   -whoever wrote that tip

26
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Let him run an electric toothb... is listed (or ranked) 26 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Let him run an electric toothbrush between your toes mid-foreplay. He shouldn’t stop no matter how much you squirm. Not OK.

27
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Go down on her, with any kind ... is listed (or ranked) 27 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Go down on her, with any kind of food. Just have her vagina around whenever you have a meal. That'll probably work for whatever this tip is trying to accomplish.

28
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Put a bunch of (clean!) loose ... is listed (or ranked) 28 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Put a bunch of (clean!) loose change in the freezer for an hour. Tell him to slick your vulva with warming lube, then cover it with coins (outside only!). The cold against the warm? Incredible. Make those two-dollar prostitute fantasies a reality!

29
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Sprinkle a little pepper under... is listed (or ranked) 29 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects. Is it even physiologically possible to orgasm and sneeze at the same time? Let us know. 

30
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Press a fork into his body. is listed (or ranked) 30 on the list The 30 Most WTF Sex Tips from Magazines
Press a fork into his body. Then tell him he needs more time on the grill because he's too tender. Then make him cook you a burger.