My 7 Least Favorite Potential Dying Scenarios

Alright, this is probably the worst because apparently it can take more than a day. If I'm going to spend more than a few minutes dying, you already have my vote for absolute worst way to die, but hours, let alone days?

I mean, think about it. They drag you out, make you CARRY THE THING THEY'RE GOING TO KILL YOU ON, then have you hanging by your feet and hands -- what if something itches? You'll never be able to scratch the itch on that whip wound. It'll just sit there itching. That would almost literally kill me. Then I would die. The itch itself would be torture enough, but the whole "huge f*cking nails through your feet and hands" thing is also probably why this is #1.

Also, this is the kind of torture most of us have a specific mental image of, so it's the easiest to imagine.

Except for...

This would suck hard mostly because I remember crying after falling down on my bike a few times when I was little and scraping my knee. I imagine being dragged by a car until your whole body is one huge scrape would suck that much harder.

Also, what if it's a crappy car? Oh and the fact that you're going really fast means that it's at least kind of fun, so not only does this hurt like hell, but it makes you enjoy it. Eff that.

I've embedded a video from a band called "Slow Dismemberment". I don't think the way you die is listening to them because they're not that bad.

But yeah, the key word in this is slow. I mean, I had hangnail once and I didn't even want to go outside. I can't imagine having a hang-arm, leg or torso.

These things are powerful, so not only would you go out with scratches and bites, almost like being eaten by a boss battle zombie, you would go out feeling weak, useless and terrible.

Worst part: bears apparently don't even like human, so it's not like you'd be feeding its cubs. It'd probably just spit you out.

Although becoming bear poop for all eternity is probably better for the earth than just dying, I wouldn't want to spend my decomposition time being a literal interpretation of what I felt like in life most of the time anyway.

This just really doesn't sound very fun.