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SmokingOkay people smoke, I'll accept that, but at Starbucks it's like walking through a forest fire. Yes, I'd like some cancer with my espresso, please. Mmmmmmm, smoky!
New Mile High ClubPeople hook up in the bathrooms! How sick is that? Apparently, they're too good for the dumpster out back, but the bathroom where people s**t all day works just fine. At least the prostitutes take their johns somewhere else.
ProstitutesThat's right, you don't need to worry about anyone watching you walk into that shady massage parlor. Starbucks has prostitutes just chillin around all day and night like they do in Vegas. Most people don't even notice it's going on, but it is. It really really is.
- 4You go for coffee and you end up with a new business opportunity. Multi-level network marketing companies like Amway and Primerica love making deals and finding new suckers at Starbucks. It's actually beneficial for them since you may see the sales pitch and become interested. Soap and life insurance, it's like going to Wallmart or your aunt's house in the early 90's.
Drug DealersYou don't need to drive to the hood anymore for your fix. Drug dealers often meet with their clients to make their deals. And no, they don't look like drug dealers, they look like your neighbor's mom.
HygieneThe sun is shining, you're enjoying you're hot and fresh bagel, you delicately spread your cream cheese over the top of that toasty white piece of perfection and then you see this guy in front of you picking the dead skin off his feet. Thanks, buddy.
ManicuresYou're enjoying that nice iced soy caramel frappucino when a small sharp object hits you in the face. What is that? Are you under attack? Yes you are. Small vessels of fungus with plenty of sock-residue attached are headed your way. Their commanding army? The douchebag sitting two tables in front of you.