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internet Shit My Dad Says (@s***mydadsays)

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This is a list of the best tweets by @s**tmydadsays (**tmydadsays) aka Justin. He's got over 1 million followers, making him a Twitter celebrity and definitely worthy of the Best of Twitter title.

About The Best of Twitter: My mission is to identify the people you should follow on twitter, point out the people you should be tweeting to and twittering with, show you how to tweet and celebrate the glory that is the twitter tweet.

Here's Justin's Twitter bio: I'm 28. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down s**t that he says.

Put the rake down...

"Put the rake down. I don't wanna sit around watching you 'give it your best.' Either stop sucking or get the f**k out of the way."

See, you think I give a shit...

"See, you think I give a s**t. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of s**t? That's why I look interested."

Don’t focus on the one guy...

"Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s**t."

Engagement rings are pointless...

"Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows...Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?"

No. Humans will die out. We're weak...

"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."

They're offended? Fuck, shit, asshole...

"They're offended? F**k, s**t, a*****e, s**tf**k; they're just words...Fine. S**tf**k isn't a word, but you get my point."

You seen my cell phone?...

"You seen my cell phone?...What’s it look like? Like two horses f**king. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."

Stop trying so hard...

"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of s**tting on you."