Put the rake down...
"Put the rake down. I don't wanna sit around watching you 'give it your best.' Either stop sucking or get the f**k out of the way."
See, you think I give a shit...
"See, you think I give a s**t. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of s**t? That's why I look interested."
Don’t focus on the one guy...
"Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s**t."
Engagement rings are pointless...
"Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows...Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?"
No. Humans will die out. We're weak...
"No. Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's."
They're offended? Fuck, shit, asshole...
"They're offended? F**k, s**t, a*****e, s**tf**k; they're just words...Fine. S**tf**k isn't a word, but you get my point."
L The List