Special Effects We Wish Were Real Anything
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Special Effects We Wish Were Real

How many of us have left the movies disgusted because it was either 100% CGI or just 100% bulls**t? There have been times I left the movies absolutely bitter because I knew the chances of ever having THAT superpower were about the same as a virgin surviving hell. Maybe I'm the lone realist in my universe, but there are several elements in movies I wish to my Holy Creator were reel. Get it? Reel? Nevermind, just read the damn list.

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  1. 10

    The Curving Bullet

    I’ve had more than one expert tell me that the myth of the curving bullet from this movie is absolute bulls**t. If you want to pull out your firearms permit (or lack thereof) and correct me, be my guest. But since I’m writing this list and you’re not, humor me.

    I believe that if the ballistics of this movie were based on fact, we’d all be dead. There’d be no one left. Well, except me and the roaches. But honestly, how Mach 10 Cool would it be to point a gun at someone, all the while shooting someone else? Yes, I’m a vengeful female. Deal with it.

  2. 9

    Food Replicator

    World Hunger: SOLVED.

    You can thank me later.

  3. 8

    Jedi Mind Trick

    "You WILL ______".

    Feel free to insert your own, but my list includes "give me a raise, let me have the day off, empty the gym just for me, give me a massive discount, move off the road for me, do all of my laundry, kill Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, give me front row tix to Anderson Silva’s next fight, give me the winning lotto numbers, outlaw ALL teen movies, make horror movies with a plot, give Rob Zombie a star on the walk of fame, blow away the Jonas Brothers, incinerate all ignorant persons and just hand me my college degree, already."

  4. 7

    Mini-Language Translator

    Odds are, I'm the only person alive who remembers this movie.

    Anyway, human translators would be a thing of the past but they wouldn't care. They’d be starting colonies in France and Italy with international supermodels and eating caviar by the minute. You’ll be able to talk to your house-keeper. Your manicurist. Your gardener. Your children. Your boss. The best news? Those damn Rosetta-Stone commercials go bye-bye.

  5. 6


    I refuse to provide the definition - don't act like you haven't seen the movie.

    Traffic jams would be a thing of the past. The only hurdle to worry about is landing on someone’s head. Otherwise, all forms of public transportation would be rendered useless and commuter emissions are a done deal.

    Saying "See you in 5!" would actually mean something. Of course, attempting to lie about your whereabouts and why you can’t get home would also be a thing of the past. But so would grounding. See? Win/Win situation.

  6. 5

    Fire Sale

    wow, just look at that guy. *sigh* he only gets better with time...OH SORRY..

    Your tax bill comes on time, doesn’t it? Too bad your unemployment doesn’t. You’re demanded to foot the bill for Congress to sit on their asses all day and pay for vacations to screw their secretaries. Who pays for YOU to take your mistress on a vacation? Who pays for YOU to sit on your ass all – wait, never mind.

    But still, wouldn’t it kick major soccer balls to stick it to the government and watch THEM scramble for a change? There's an entire generation of wannabe-anarchists. Let's see what Emo Boy does without his hair dryer and guy-liner.

    I’ve got bottled water, cup ‘o’ noodles and a portable toilet in my garage. Let’s do it!

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