Talk Like A Pirate Day | Why It Would Suck To Be A Pirate

You're old parakeet Polly will need to unload all those crackers he's eating somewhere. It might be on your shoulder but if you're as stupid as the reporter in this clip you'll get it in your mouth.

Ah the fresh air, the salty breeze in your hair, wtf, a slimy tentacle starts caressing your junk. How the hell are you supposed to survive a giant octopus attack. Well you're the pirate you figure it out.

Pirates don't have s**tty teeth from to many sweets. It's from a Vitamin C deficiency, which causes scurvy. Sponge Bob and Pink are singing about it in this clip so maybe it's not all that bad. No, it's not just limited to pirates, you can get scurvy from sitting on your ass playing Halo eating Cheetos and drinking Mountain Dew for months at a time too.