- the list
Nintendo System Desk OrganizersFor some reason, for me, this is the one. This is the worst one. This one really seems like the biggest waste because Nintendo systems aren't made by Microsoft. The NES I still have feels like it's going to last long enough for me to play with my children. So, this, to me, is the most offensive thing you could do to a working system.BUY @ AMAZON
If you're doing this to a dead system you don't plan on restoring, then this is actually kind of fine, yet a little creepy (kind of like when people's pets die and they stuff them and make them into side tables).
GreenCub, a console/controller modder making a name for his/herself on Etsy, is taking old Nintendo systems like the N64 and the GameCube and giving us desk organizers made out of what may as well be ivory.
Sure, these look cool, but you could be playing these systems. Either way, they've found really cool ways to fit all your pencils, paperclips and other office supplies in them. They use every crevice of the system as a weird, kind of ad hoc way to keep very specific supplies. Replacing the wires with plastic and the holes with stops, they basically make this into one of those desk organizers that nobody wants to take with them when a company goes under -- only made of Game Cubes and Nintendo 64's.
I mean, think of the joy this could bring to a kid without a console:
Here's an example of what the desk organizers look like.
And here's what the office supply organizers look like (these are really the most brutal ones).
So for all your anal-retentive, "drawers and backpack zippers aren't good enough for me" needs, here's the following Etsy store.
Once you're done there, you could always head on over to your local taxidermist for such wonderful, similar decorative needs such as this:
George Foreman Grill Made Out of a PS3After that last picture, doesn't this kind of feel like it's panda meat? Let that sink in...BUY @ AMAZON
If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to when people were waiting literal days in line to buy a PS3 and then serve everyone in line hamburgers from this George Foreman Grill.
The fine monsters who would be providing me with such a device are the guys over at The Real PS3 Grill who decided to sacrifice their PS3 so prematurely had the following mission statement:
"Their mission statement claims that the project was carried out to garner fame and glory, and for a very brief amount of time, they will indeed be on top of the world. Soon, however, everyone will forget about this amusing distraction in favor of playing their new gaming systems, while all these guys will have are a hopelessly outdated PS2 and a couple of leftover steaks".
Take that anyone who's ever donated games to charity!
Criminals Make Gaming Consoles into Tattoo MachinesWhen you're in prison and you don't have a tattoo machine, it's like going camping and forgetting to bring the board games or a deck of cards. It really just isn't the same.BUY @ AMAZON
Luckily, some prisoners have found a solution for this.
One prisoner in the Brook House Immigration Removal Centre in West Sussex was using what was left of a Playstation 1 machine as the internal motor to power a home made tattoo machine that he was using to ink up the other inmates.
Even though inmates are completely allowed to have a PS1, or any game system(why is it so bad to be in prison again?), the machine was confiscated and the tattoo frenzy came to an end.
After running the above story, Kotaku received an email from a man who works at a Maximum Security prison, informing him that a lot of prisoners have all kinds of systems. The least favored system among people who work at the prison, though, is the Nintendo 64.
Because they would use the rumble packs as tattoo guns, which would eventually have to be confiscated. How does one do this, do you ask?
Here are the instructions for the next time you're drunk at a party:
It is actually pretty easy. There are no workshops in maximum security. They do it in their rooms with a battery(power) taped to a tube(could be a pen or a tightly wound piece of paper). The motor from the rumble pack is taken out and attached to the top of the tube. A needle or pin is run down the middle of the tube. when "on" the needle will move up and down like a sewing machine. The needle is then dipped in "ink." This is made a number of ways the easiest is to use ball point pen ink, but they could use other items to get different colors or looks.
So yeah, this is the type of behavior is totally fine for convicts. They are the only ones excused (well, them and the people using recycled parts).
Making Your XBox 360 into a FleshlightFINALLY.BUY @ AMAZON
Of course this exists. We've all considered it at least once. A website that no longer exists, that used to specialize in the act of showing you how to take household items and make them into things that you could bang (if you're a guy), came up with the perfect, extremely effort-heavy way to bang your XBox 360, once and for all.
These guys basically modded the XBox 360 so that you could stand it up on its hot, stumpy, grey little legs, install some arms on it that are always at the sides, beckoning you to "play with it", then finally "turn it on" at the power switch hole with your fully adequate, two-inches-indiameter-sized penis.
Those holes are pretty small, but if there were any reason it would rule to have a small penis, it would be to have the ability to express to your XBox exactly what you've always wanted to.
Unfortunately, you can't buy one of these. This is only okay because XBox 360 consoles red ringed so often at the beginning that it's almost impossible for anything they're used for to not be using recycled parts.
Making Your Old Controllers into "Tobacco" Pipes
Perfect. This is actually quite perfect. Yes, these are using controllers from great systems (like the N64), but this time they're actually going to a good cause.
The XBox 360 pipe merely takes out the guts, uses the guide button as a nut and allows you to use the cord holes (yes, this is the scientific term for this part of the controller, I swear) to suck your precious, precious "tobacco" from.
The classic Nintendo 64 controller pipe takes the middle handle and puts holes in it to make a carb, then the nut is put on top where the analog stick usually goes, and the "cord hole" (which I refuse to look up) is used to suck your wonderful magic through.
I'm okay with this, if not for just how ingenuous the idea was. Why not combine two of the greatest activities on earth?
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