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Evil DealersvBack in the 80's, there was no person more evil and destructive than the neighborhood drug dealer. No parent wanted to think that maybe little Timmy or Nancy wanted to smoke some pot of their own free will, so logically it could only be the doing of some half-snake, half-ethnic person forcing him into it, like the one portrayed here.
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time "Snake" breaks a law!
1. Drug dealing interaction (takes money)
3. Threatening an unprovoked, unarmed citizen. His poison could kill you, he has no right to hiss like that.
A Talking DogvFirst rule of being high: Don't listen to your hallucinations, and a talking dog is a pretty clear example of a hallucination. If she is high, this is going to do nothing more than freak her the hell out, so she's not going to stop doing pot, she's just going to make sure she gets the good quality stuff. Getting the horrible skunk weed is really what causes any kind of bad reaction, so the TRUE message of this PSA is to really spring for better weed.
Besides, what the hell does a dog know about anything?
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time the "actress" portraying "Lindsey" uses an acting technique that Kristen Stewart would pull.
Whatever She's Doing, It's Not PotvSure, there are plenty of times where you just want to lounge and smoke, but half the fun is also going out and doing stuff with friends, or interacting at home or watching a movie while baked "to enhance the experience".
All we get from this ad is that one girl loves to make up stories about her deflated sex doll.
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time "Sarah" tries to move.
Pot Equals TerrorismvAfter 9/11, there was a whole line of PSAs trying to equate your casual usage of drugs with hardcore terrorism, routed through financial support of terrorists who grow weed/drugs in general.
It was a perfect mix of guilt, ignorance and fear-mongering that had absolutely no effect on anyone. Using a little girl for such things is just a cheap shot... to our nightmares. No horror movie convention is scarier than little girls.
Great. And we saw this right before bed, too.
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time the little girl talks without moving her lips.
Giant Turtles Say: Don't Do PotvThis is an absolute classic of a PSA. When the Reaganite way of approaching drugs was in full swing and using the Just Say No campaign, no kids' show was exempt from ads like this one.
It gives little to no actual information about why to say no, but you just better do it. Because mutant turtles who know ninjitsu say so.
If you really think about it, who's more of a pusher trying to bend your will for their advantage: D.A.R.E., or the guy offering you a dime bag? Moderation is always key.
The best part is at the end, where Donatello proclaims, "Drug dealers are dorks." Oh, how that word has come a long way. Now people put it on their online dating profiles to attract women.
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time someone uses outdated slang.
I Still Don't Get ItvEveryone over 20 knows about this classic campaign, but does anyone actually know what it means, including the people who produced it? Maybe that your brain is fried? No, that's too literal, they'd probably give people more credit than that... right?
Is this a pro-zombie PSA that makes brains look/sound delicious? Absolutely delicious? (With some salt and Tabasco sauce.)
Now we're all hungry for brains... or eggs. Which one? This is confusing.
There is no actual info anywhere to be found in the PSA, only the visual of the egg (i.e. your brain).
Maybe they DO mean that your brain will be fried. Is that it? Wow... guess we DO have questions.
SMOKE/DRINK/EAT SWEETBREADS: Every time the man says the word "brain".
High KaratevThis ad only has time to make one point, and lucky for us, it is completely untrue. It states that pot makes you stupid for a month after one use. Clearly these people have never gotten high, because then they would find out that even with a low tolerance, you come down after about an hour, and you are perfectly fine the next day, if not a few hours later. Sure, maybe the fat soluble thing counts, but it really doesn't affect your performance anywhere.
If what they said was true, then some of your friends would be high until age 50 if they quit right now.
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time the guy about to PWN himself takes a deep breath.
Marijuana is Child AbusevAre we supposed to think that this young girl is literally burning her little brother with the joints she lights up? Because that's what this looks like.
Why does no one in these fear-vertisements ever use a freakin' bong or a pipe? THAT would be practical. Also, moderation. Moderation is king. Why don't they use these in the commercials? Because being a responsible adult like that would SOLVE these problems... and their extremist point would be moot.
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time the brother gets singed.
Totally BelievablevThis ad is great for going way over the top to make a very limp point. They try to equate drugs with doing something as gross and stupid as using leaches, but where's the true comparison? Does putting the leaches on you give you a high, or make you feel good? Kids don't just do stupid s**t without a point, so you can tell the makers of this ad really respect children for their intellect.
SMOKE/DRINK: Every time someone says the word "Slomming".
Was This Part of His Community Service?vThere was a whole line of celebrity endorsed drug PSAs in the 80s, with actors like Clint Eastwood and Ally Sheedy, but none were as great as when they got Paul Reubens as Pee Wee Herman to talk about crack cocaine.
Was he goaded into it by the King of Cartoons and Cowboy Curtis, or was it because of Chairy's overdose that he did an ad about the dangers of crack? Get it? Crack? Chairy is a char... nobody? Okay.
Oh and CRACK?!
That's the secret word of the day! AAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!
SMOKE/DRINK/SCREAM: Every time Pee Wee says "Crack".
By now, even if you've taken this list rather slowly, you're either baked, sloshed or full. Happy 420, everybody.