What about a comic convention leads people to think they're going to get laid? The San Diego Comic-Con, a week-long affair attended by literally hundreds of thousands of geeks every year, is a cesspool of sexual frustration, discovery and desperation. So what do you do when you strike out on the floor? Same thing you do every night, you go to Craigslist's Casual Encounters section where you can make anonymous requests for sexual meetings with other consenting people of the night. So because life is awesome, here are the ten best posts found on Craigslist's Casual Encounters section at this last week's San Diego Comic Con 2011. (And be sure to check out the 2012 edition while you're at it!)
Let This Superhero Refill Your Energon Reserves - M4W - 31
Before we get started...
INTERNET HOOKUP GLOSSARY:
M4W = Men looking for Women
M4M = Men looking for Men
W4M = Women looking for Men
W4W = Women looking for Women
M4WW = The saddest thing in the world
D/D Free = Disease/Drug Free
[X]" = The size, in inches (sorry Europe), of a man's penis
6c = The number is the guy's "size" and c is "Cut" (once again, sorry Europe). The opposite being, of course "Uncut"
"Host" = When a person hosts, they mean that the "encounter" can happen at their place
12. There are 12 geek references in this Craigslist post. This is way more effort than should be put into a post which could be one sentence long. BUT this guy's really looking to impress ladies (by making a post on Craigslist). If this is the point you've reached as a woman, where you're searching the M4W section at Comic-Con for sex (when you could literally walk outside, reach out an arm and probably at least have someone who had the stones to be outside), you're not really looking for a "connection".
BUT, you've really gotta hand it to this guy. 8:57AM on the day BEFORE Comic-Con started. This guy not only thinks ahead, but even provided us with the Comic-Con logo, just so you know he's "in the know".
Well, as you read through this list you'll see that, although none of these are exactly "eligible" human beings, these pretty much only get worse.
Comic Con Circle Jerk Tonight - M4MMMMM - 38
Alright, if you're into this kind of stuff, this actually looks like a great damn time. But the fact that a bunch of middle-aged dudes can go around looking for sex by saying stuff like "who wants to get naked and stroke out loads" is amazing, and illustrates one of the main differences between men and women.
And after 7PM, because this guy can't POSSIBLY miss the Saturday night 6PM panel. Amazing.
The craziest part is that I stayed at the same hotel as this guy.
Comic Cum - M4W - 30
Extra points for a clever title. I'm sure it's used every year, but awesome that they used it.
Also, you don't understand. "I loved watching all the sexy girls in costume. I feel bad for all those hot chicks... there must be a cutie out there craving a thick cock." This man is providing a public service.
But here's the weird part: "I would love to come over to your hotel and screw your brains out before con." Once again, before con. The convention floor would open as soon as 10AM and closes as late as 8PM or 9PM. This was posted at 7:06AM. This means that whoever this guy is going to bang not only has to be up super early, but looking to hookup BEFORE comic-con.
Nothing like an 11 hour walk of shame, amirite ladies?
Also, why post the, uh, "zaftig" Princess Leia? Is this supposed to attract the ladies? Or is he the guy at the booth?
I Would Like to Take Some Sexy Pics of You - M4W - 30
Creepy. As. Hell. Here are the 3 creepiest things about this post.
1. "I have a room downtown & a small sized shirt with my company logo... to take some sexy pics of you wearing it... and that's that." That's all this guy wants. To take sexy pics of a chick in his "room" wearing some random shirt. Don't these guys know that Craigslist is the place to BUY booth babes?
2. "I'm... white, SANE, and... a nerdy guy that works way to[o] much in the entertainment industry to ever date. If you think this sounds like fun, let me know...". In case you were wondering, yes. Every woman wants an undateable nerdy guy who has to qualify that he's "sane". Don't they make a Ken doll like that?
3. "And yes, your pics will be shared with others should you like the job...". REALLY? You mean I can SHARE one of the biggest mistakes of my life on the internet? AWESOME!
How do some people seriously get out of bed and live like this? Also, please note the time. What girl responds to an ad that basically says "Hey, it's 11PM, wanna come over so I can take some pictures?"
This One is Terrifying - M4W - 32
This guy's post just screams "I casually make wallets and belts out of human flesh, would you like to buy one?".
"You won't be my slave for the time I'm here, you'll have your own key, come and go as you please...". How many posts were there on Craigslist at the time that said "You'll have to be locked/gagged, and will be fed through a whole I drilled in the bathroom door every 4 1/2 hours"?
Why is this poor woman's freedom a luxury in this post?
I'll also provide plenty of lotion :-) !
I'm a Fair Guy - M4W - 29
First of all "why not make things more interesting?" is how most people start out propositions that will almost undoubtedly get you killed.
Secondly, the saddest part about what this guy feels are his assets are that they essentially make him a normal, bare-bones-minimum human being/member of society. If this is the icing on the cake for Comic-Con hookups, then the ladies must really be reaching for dudes here.
- Perhaps one of the greatest FAILs of the list comes at this sentence: "Good, intelligent heard on my shoulders...". Gold.
- "I enjoy showering daily"
- "My intentions would be to meet up with another lady for either the day, the night or more...". So not only are you not his LAST hookup, you're most likely not his first.
- "I'm not terribly picky in terms of women, but I do have a preference towards brunettes. That doesn't mean I would turn you down, though. I'm a fair guy." Oh good. GOOD! You hear that every lady reading the rest of the post with baited breath, scanning it to make sure he wouldn't turn you down? He's a fair guy. If you actually show up, he'll have you. You're not what he wants, but he'll have you.
This guy is either the King of Rome, somehow lost in time and posting for random hookups in San Diego during Comic Con, or a complete idiot.
Before I Take My Costume Off... - M4W - 26
This one is wonderful in its simplicity.
"While I'm still in my costume...". How many women were there rushing to email this guy "No, please, don't take off your costume, just wait for meeee!".
Also astounding is the fact that this guy is only willing to get laid if she makes it to him before he gets comfy.
Actually, this guy's pretty awesome. He treats having sex like most people do Jehova's witnesses. "Someone's at the door... eeehhhh, I already took my pants off. Whatever." Badass.
Cosplay Girls Wanted (Your Hotel) - M4W - 30
Accurately, sadly and wonderfully representative of the dillusion some people live in, let's put what this guy is doing into perspective.
He's asking if a woman, a very specific kind of woman (goth, schoolgirl, military), would not only have sex with him, but allow him to know where she's staying for the week.