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Inflatable SlideThere are more than one of these inflatable products floating around, and even more videos of kids coming out of these contraptions that look a little bit phallic. But the red color of this one was just too much. Way too much. And the fact that the entire structure is phallic and extremely long, well, pretty much put the nail in the coffin that yes: our children are this inflatable structure's love juices.
Depending on your familiarity with human anatomy, you may imagine more than a few parts that this looks like: take your pick because there is no right answer. The only way this product could be any worse is if it was a slip and slide with water from the next item...
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Baby Wee-WeeFrom a not-so-innocent time called the "90's" comes Baby Wee Wee. A toy that pees for your children. Scratch that, an ANATOMICALLY CORRECT toy that pees for your children.
The reveal of the toy's main function in this commercial really sold us on how insanely graphic the toy really is.
People may joke about Ken not having anything downstairs, but thanks to this horrible toy, we can see that it's better that no clothing-optional children's toy is anatomically correct. It just looks creepy, and the thought that you're buying a toy to do nothing but pee all over the place just adds insult to injury. We may need therapy after this commercial.
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OozinatorUm, wow. The Ooozinator from Super Soaker really outdid itself, as a toy.
C'mon, in the 90's we all knew exactly what the Super Soaker looked like in general: you'd have to pump the thing about 30 times before you could get out a solid enough stream to even reach the person nearest by. The harder, more often and faster you pumped, the more water would come out. Fine, we can live with that. But the change in the water's consistency really brought this to a whole new level.
The product itself is only a half terrible idea, but the commercial where we see this thing in action really sealed the deal.
As if there wasn't enough phallic insinuation woven throughout, the last second of the ad proudly states "major pumping required".
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Lion King ToyThis (probably) McDonald's Rafiki toy is meant to mirror and recreate that inspiring, beautiful and memorable moment from the Disney classic The Lion King where Rafiki (the baboon/monkey/wise-man) raises Simba over his head to show the entire kingdom their new prince and f*ture king.
The toy has been made to allow Rafiki to hold Simba just a liiiiittle too far down. So far down that this becomes really, really disturbing.
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Tarzan ToyMuch like many of the inappropriate toys that exist all over the world, this is one that uses a simple arm "smashing" function that really makes the toy look like he (and it must be a "he" for this to work) is doing something he wasn't intended to (as a toy). There are so many of these everywhere, that it's really only perverted teenagers who see the "sex" in everything that make the toys "inappropriate".
And since we only bring you the best (and the classiest) here at Ranker, this is one toy whose hand is actually in the right position. And its basically naked. The fact that this is one of the toy's only functions is absolutely ridiculous (and a little hilarious). How could they not have seen this?!
If the design was for Tarzan to pound his chest (you know, like he's actually known for), then it's a double fail.
Don't ponder the reasoning behind this, because you'll just end up with a headache on top of your dirty mind.
Apparently no one on the Disney product check department really cares about the gestures of their toys... as really solidified in item #11.
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