The 11 Most Inappropriate Kids' Toys Of All Time

When do you ask a young girl "how wet will you get"? When? Unless your under the supervision of Chris Hansen, we don't think this is ever appropriate.

Enter "Love N' Licks" pets. A dog whose mouth gets wetter and wetter as it gets happier. When you make it happy, he gets wetter, and then that makes YOU wet. So wet! That...well, watch the commercial.

It's not even like this is a water toy you hook up to your garden hose either, which brings up horrible thought number two: what is this toy really training kids to do?

This Phonics Bus is a great little wheeled toy that works a lot like the Speak And Spell in that it teaches kids the letters of the alphabet, how to read, how to sound them out and what each letter sounds like in a word. For example, "S" is a letter that makes the sound "sssss", as in the first sound in Ssssssnakes!

"X" is a letter that has many uses. But mostly, we use it at the end of words. For example "X" makes the sound like at the end of the word... wait.

I think it's trying to say "Box" and failing miserably. Bad audio in kids' toys is (and was) to blame for VERY many silly travesty like this. There are endless videos of people mishearing certain children's toys with voices, but they all fall pretty flat. For any Speak And Spell swearing, you really have to be searching for it. Same with most of the other videos on the internet.

This one, on the other hand, can't be missed. "X". You know, like the end of the word...

Much like many of the inappropriate toys that exist all over the world, this is one that uses a simple arm "smashing" function that really makes the toy look like he (and it must be a "he" for this to work) is doing something he wasn't intended to (as a toy). There are so many of these everywhere, that it's really only perverted teenagers who see the "sex" in everything that make the toys "inappropriate".

And since we only bring you the best (and the classiest) here at Ranker, this is one toy whose hand is actually in the right position. And its basically naked. The fact that this is one of the toy's only functions is absolutely ridiculous (and a little hilarious). How could they not have seen this?!

If the design was for Tarzan to pound his chest (you know, like he's actually known for), then it's a double fail.

Don't ponder the reasoning behind this, because you'll just end up with a headache on top of your dirty mind.

Apparently no one on the Disney product check department really cares about the gestures of their toys... as really solidified in item #11.

Kids sing all sorts of songs without realizing what the lyrics actually mean, but this is just ridiculous.

Who would hear this 50 Cent song and take it at face value?

This song is about as much about candy as Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself" is about dancing. "Oh, it's about candy, and that's all. Let's shove it inside a hip-hop (boo) frog!"

The real question is, does 50 Cent get royalties every time someone turns on the toy?

Here are the lyrics from 50 Cent's "Candy Shop" that this candy-holding frog "sings":

[50 Cent]
I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

[Female Voice]
I'll take you to the candy shop
Boy one taste of what I got
I'll have you spending all you got
Keep going 'til you hit the spot (woah)

This toy first appeared in 1993, and even a seven year old could tell something wasn't right with it. It's not clear what Hasbro was thinking when they dreamed this up, but here's the likely evolution of it.

Name: Mr. Bucket (fine) => Catchphrase: Buckets of fun (genius) => Function and appearance: You toss balls into the top, (okay?) and the balls get spit out his mouth (WTF?!?).

As of a few years ago the toy has been officially discontinued, but for about a decade no one bothered to tell the toy makers that they should investigate; probably because it was way too funny.