Giants Fan in Shamblesv
Rob is a drunk Giants fan. (Is there any other kind?) In 2009, following a wrenching Giants loss to the Eagles in the playoffs, Rob had kind of a meltdown. Fortunately, he has kind, caring friends whom he knows he can rely on. To berate him over the loss, film him blubbering and then posting the results to YouTube.
Perhaps most troubling is Rob's repeated insistence that rooting for the Giants is his life. "It's the reason I live!," he bellows at his friend, who just doesn't seem to understand his pain. And perhaps that's the trouble right there... if you're going to pin your hopes for f*ture survival on any NFL franchise, perhaps the Giants aren't the way to go. (Wasn't this the plot of "Leaving Las Vegas"? Nicolas Cage had to drink himself to death because the Giants lost a key game to the Eagles after taking down Arizona and getting his hopes up?)
As a bonus, here's another clip of a sports fan going apes**t after his beloved team - in this case, Ohio State - gets taken down. He handles the situation with roughly the same maturity level as Rob. To be fair, though, he's 4. Do with that what you will.
Guy Gets His Mustang Takenv
Probably the best clip you will see today of a man trying to prevent his car from being towed by leaning on the spoiler, weeping. Probably.
There does seem to be some backstory here. Something having to do with the Mustang owner in question working at a chiropractor's office and needing to prove it to the tow truck driver. (Perhaps the car was co-signed for by his employer? Or it's a company car? Though granted, it doesn't seem like any company would actually turn over a car to this dude except for maybe Fisher Price.) So the driver waited for the owner to prove that he worked at said office, and when the car owner could not, the towing process began. As did the tears.
I'm pretty sure that's the basic narrative here, but it's a bit hard to piece together because this guy is screaming HYSTERICALLY. He's perfected this sort of high-pitched whine that pretty clearly isn't the sort of thing that would convince a tow truck driver to cut you a break. In fact, just watching the video is likely to fill you with the urge to find this guy and steal whatever car he's currently driving. Just to teach him a lesson and get him to buck up a little.
Glenn Beck Weeps on Airv
In March of 2009, Glenn Beck introduced his so-called "9/12 Project" to the world as part of a Fox News special. The project centered around "9 founding principals and 12 eternal values" (no word on where the 7 horcruxes fit in...) and sought to turn viewers back into that person they were on 9/12. Which in Beck's case was apparently a sniveling, weepy mess.
Going a gooey one on air had essentially become Beck's trademark by this point, the violin/guitar solo to his Nigel Tufnel, if you will. But there's something particularly awkward and uncomfortable about this very public display... it seems fake. Now there are people who will tell you ALL the dude crying videos on this page are fake (especially that "Giants Fan in Shambles" one, which was quite controversial when it was first posted.)
But check out Beck in this clip, how he purposefully stops speaking and covers his face before welling up, like he's willing himself to do it rather than expressing a genuinely felt emotion. (Go to about 3 minutes in for a prime example.) But WHY? Why does Beck think pained faces and gasping declarations that he "loves his country so much" would be more convincing to the average TV viewer than someone persuasively discussing politics without blubbering? You know, like an adult with dignity.
Perhaps we'll never know. Or we will, if we're willing to listen to Beck's ongoing tirades, now limited to his website. So, yeah, probably never.
British Guy Cries Over Modern Warfare 2v
This 19-year-old British man has had such a hard time playing "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2" that he has started to take it out on his body and domicile, punching the walls to work out his frustration. (I'd suggest to him that excessive manual injuries may be at the root of why he's having such a hard time with the game but... I don't know, the guy seems pretty upset.)
Anyway, our milk mustacheod hero takes a break from trying to hurt inanimate objects to fire up the ol' webcam and give the world a piece of his mind. Apparently, he's been playing MW:2 for hours now, and the only thing left to do is pummel the walls with his fists until they are bloody and whine like a wounded animal in front of the eyes of the general public. Because, you see, it's the worst game ever, far inferior to "Call of Duty 4" and "Call of Duty 5," which had better weapons and better things. (With razor-sharp insights like that, maybe he's upset because he missed his true calling as a video game reviewer!)
Man Cries Over Philadelphia Library Closingv
Starting in 2008, the city of Philadelphia began closing its numerous public libraries. (In 2009, the movement expanded to attempt closure of all Philadelphia public libraries, but fortunately, this didn't come to pass.)
Now, libraries closing is sad. Lots of people rely on libraries for things like Internet access. It's still a great, safe, quiet environment for kids to get homework done. And where else are the urban homeless supposed to use the restroom, now that all the bookstores have closed? But it's sad in that way that most people go, "Oh, that's sad" and then move on with their lives. It's not "life has lost all meaning... goodbye cruel world..." sad. I mean, maybe if you're LeVar Burton. But that's a special case.
For this one Philadelphia gentleman, however, the closing of a public library branch was a tragedy of massive, earth-shattering proportions. I've seen Holocaust survivors recount their life stories with less visible emotion than this guy uses to talk about a place he's grown accustomed to using for DVD rentals and the occasional peek at some '70s newspaper articles on microfiche.
His claim that "I used to play football here" is also somewhat puzzling. Like... in the library? That must have been awfully distracting.
It's Still Real to Me, Dammitv
One of the most viral of all the viral videos on this list, here we see uber-wrestling enthusiast David Willis at one of the sports' Fanfest events, moaning about how wrestling is still real for him - and creepily thanking the wrestlers on stage for "what [they] do to [their] bodies." Shudder...
Willis became an overnight sensation on the Web after "It's Still Real To Me" debuted back in 2006, and shared his story with the site WorldWrestlingInsanity.com. Basically, his explanation is that the excitement of the event sort of overwhelmed him, and he hadn't meant to cry, but then did. Which is not really an explanation at all:
When I first sat down for the Q& A, I wanted to ask the panel for some Dick Murdoch stories. He is a character who should be remembered for his in-the-ring and out-of-the-ring antics. When I got up to ask my question, I wanted to thank the wrestlers for their sacrifice and hard work. I wanted to say that I appreciated what they did to their bodies for my entertainment.
Well, needless to say, it didn't come out that way at that time. I choked and started crying and said "Thanks, Mr. Funk for saying what needed to be said." I was taken a little aback by this myself as I didn't expect to tear up. I started stammering with nervousness and instead of making a point about the deaths in wrestling what came out was "I don't want to see another one of these." I then yelled out "It's still real to me, damn it!"
So... exactly what it looks like on the video, then? You got a chance to ask some wrestlers a question and then proceeded to have a nervous breakdown in front of your heroes? Got it. Thanks for the clarification.
Terrell Owens Cries After Dallas Lossv
In 2008, Terrell Owens gave this post-game interview following a Cowboys loss to the New York Giants. (Hey, at least the Giants won so Rob is happy!) A reporter asked T.O. about a Mexican vacation Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo had taken with his then-girlfriend Jessica Simpson, and whether that distracted the QB from the all-important game.
T.O. proceeded to blubber for a moment about how the question wasn't fair, because "that's my quarterback" before it turned into Niagara Falls. "We lost as a team," T.O. protested in between sniffles.
Many writers and pundits at the time felt like the waterworks were a desperate bid for sympathy and team unity from T.O., implying they weren't sincere. But I'm unconvinced. That's a pretty embarrassing thing to fake in front of an entire nation of fired-up, angry, intoxicated football fans. Couldn't he have just suffered some kind of spinal injury on the field instead if he needed sympathy so bad?
Michael Jackson Fan Cryingv
In an interview shot outside the O2 Arena - which was at the time hosting the "This Is It" Exhibition of Michael Jackson memorabilia - a fan gets overcome with emotion. It's not immediately clear what the stand-out most uncomfortable moment of this diatribe might be. Is it:
- The part where he brazenly lifts up his shirt for seemingly no reason?
- His insistence on repeating the phrase "this is it" over and over again as if it is suddenly going to take on greater meaning
- The declaration "I am not an emotional guy" as a slight line of drool just begins to escape his quivering lips
- The bevy of ladies watching the interview behind him, laughing
I don't know... I just know this is it, you guys. This is it.
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