Tom Felton (Malfoy) Fan Offers to Adopt Him
While visiting America, Tom Felton, who plays Harry Potter's sub-nemesis Draco Malfoy, got a great taste of what it's like to be famous in the good ol' US of A when a Harry Potter fan offered to adopt him.
That's right, someone offered to become his legal guardian while he was still underage, and to take them to their house, and then to eventually live in a house with him named after his character in the films (Malfoy Manor).
The man then showed him documentation and sent him documents (the ones he actually needed) to disown his parents and move in with him.
I know. I know.
An Entire Species of Owl is Brought to Endangerment
We all remember Hedwig, the snowy white owl companion of Harry Potter and arguably one of the best fictional pets ever, from the films and the books as the only owl you've ever seen that doesn't look like a demon.
But perhaps history will now remember Hedwig as the owl that endangered her species.
Hedwig increased the owl-hunting and owl-poaching business single-handed in India, as birthday boys demanded owls as presents while hunters shot white owls down -- probably to decorate the dining room mantles of their sick, twisted, "we couldn't just buy them the plushie" household.
The carnage was so extensive that J.K. Rowling had to speak out and bring awareness to this sensitive issue. In a statement, Rowling asserted that "If it is true that anybody has been influenced by my books to think that an owl would be happiest shut in a small cage and kept in a house, I would like to take this opportunity to say as forcefully as I can: please don’t." She should've done her research and made Harry Potter's pet a pigeon. At least then we'd be accomplishing something.
It remains to be seen whether her statements will help fight the declining white owl population since while some fans will demand the owls as birthday presents, others will hold owl sacrifices to drive away evil spirits (like Voldemort).
Some Guy Photoshops Emma Watson's Head Onto CP (Child Pornography)
Here's the news headline: "Loner who superimposed Harry Potter star Emma Watson's face on to child p*********y is spared jail."
Makes sense, though. It was only 2,000 images on his computer. We all have files that big, right?... right?
And another perfectly normal thing he did was super-impose his head onto other Harry Potter characters' bodies in movie stills he had to get "closer" to her.
These were among some of the tamer things that were found on internet stalker, pedophile and overall real-life-Phillip-Seymour-Hoffman-from-Happiness John Cavanaugh's Chamber of Secrets.
He was let go, though, because the judge realized that he wasn't spreading them, he was just keeping them, and everyone felt sorry for the guy because, yes, he is just that pathetic.
"He just thinks Emma Watson is hot, like the rest of the world", you say? Well, if that were true, he'd have superimposed his head on paparazzi or beach pics, not movie stills from the popular franchise. This guy just wanted to be her Ron. *shiver*
The Creepiest, Most Endearing Harry Potter Fan Meets the Cast
Here's some back story: a Japanese show held a contest where 10,000 insane Harry Potter fans competed for a chance to visit the UK set of the Half-Blood Prince movie and meet the stars in person. A girl named Kana won. Needless to say, to win the contest, you need to have the ability for your insanity to exponentially grow to uncharted levels.
Enter the showpieces where Kana tries on a hat and is faux-stalked by different members of the cast.
When Rupert Grint dorkily sneaks up on Kana at 4:33, his appearance practically sucks all the breath out of her body. When she regains composure, she does the creepiest thing she does in the whole video:
She asks what she also asks of Daniell Radcliffe, which is sheepily ask "Touch Ok?". After she gets confirmation that "touch" is "ok", she touches the celebrities' faces and then smells her fingers.
This means that either Ron Weasley's eyelashes were made of a fine, sophisticated cut of cocaine or she's just really that Buffalo-Billesque.
The only recourse the audience and Rupert had at this insane, insane moment was to laugh with the nervousness of a man about to die.
But that's not even comparable to when she meets Daniel Radcliffe, which needs to be seen to be believed.
1:02. Longest hand-shake ever, complete with sparkly Japanese game show sound effects and a hilariously awkward Daniel Radcliffe saying the same two words over and over again in a situation where really, what DO you say?
And if you go to 2:37 of the video, you will witness the best of moment of the entire interview (and of this young girl's life) and a pretty accurate summary of what she does the entire time.
You need to watch 2:37 of this video. This girl is the cutest non-fictional psychopath in television history.
Whoever the Hell Writes Harry Potter SLASH Fiction
Harry Potter slashfiction (a lot of which can be found Here) is basically fan erotica (which are pornographic stories) about the Harry Potter cast.
Let me repeat this: erotic fiction about the under-aged KIDS in all the Harry Potter books.
Some popular pages (after only my first try at the ol' Google) lead to entire sites filled with links to download word files or dumps of certain stories starring the following combos of dudes either passionately touching, holding back sexual desires (which are clearly thought-upon in the narrative of the stories) and coming-of-age (no pun intended) "curiosity" stories.
Here are some combos:
Draco/Harry (for a kind of disturbing artist's rendering, click here, you've been warned, it cannot be unseen.)
All of which are marked PG or PG-13... UNTIL you get to the NC-17 submissions like
*Shiver* Seriously Internet, WTF?
Emma Watson Stalked By Harvard Students
Emma Watson, who is now a student at Brown University (and for those of you keeping score 20 years old) was stalked by a bunch of Harvard geeks that ended up terrifying her and making great strides towards crapping directly on Harvard's name (Yale rejoices), as well as almost drawing police attention.
At a football game where Harvard was playing Brown these Ivy League gentlemen decided to participate in a school newspaper mandated game of stalking, just to make Emma Watson uncomfortable and to mess with their enemies (Brown).
Here's the full news story.
The whole thing would've been alright, had their stunt been funny, but sadly for them, it was not. Here's what they live-tweeted during the game:
"We will be Live-Tweetin' the game and possibly stalking Emma Watson, so keep your eyes peeled for that, too!"
"Let’s go Hermione! Lolz,"
"In enemy territory. Lookin for a certain witch"
"WATSON FOUND. i repeat WATSON FOUND."
Ivy League education goin to good use, there.
Watson's reaction was reported to be "distressed", as she started going to school to get away from her "fame", which realistically will never "go away", not until the movies are over and/or until she gains a bunch of weight.
Your move, Watson. They'll be waiting.
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