7-Inch Body Spray Found Up Lawyer's RectumA 39 year old lawyer was recently admitted to a university teaching hospital because he shoved a ladies perfume bottle so far up his rectum that he couldn't remove it himself, even though he had been able to remove it on previous occasions (we've all been there, though, haven't we?)
The perfume was called "Impulse Body Spay," which actually seems to have worked on this lawyer. The bottle measured 3 cm by 17 cm, and emergency room doctors had to sedate the man with spinal anesthetic and remove the "rectal foreign body" (yes, that's what it's called in medical terms) with their bare (sterilized, gloved) hands.
The man's rectum swelled up like a happy birthday balloon at the supermarket, but eventually the procedure finished with flying colors.
He was offered, but later refused psychological counseling after the incident. The picture on the left shows the man's perfume filled rectum, while the picture on the right is of a man who shoved a d***o up there. A 20 cm by 4 cm d***o. That's like a 7.8 inch penis. The average is 6 inches. This man had an entire bottle in his rectum larger than most male penises.
60 Year old Man (For)Gets his Rocks Off with a Glass BottleA 60 year old man was admitted to the hospital with what doctors termed "perforation peritonitus", or, "some serious ass damage" for those of us who aren't doctors yet.
At the time, the admitting physicians decided that the butt destruction was a "rare spontaneous occurrence."
A year later, the same old man hobbled into the hospital, yet again, and complained of bloody diarrhea, stomach pains and, well, not being able to walk because his ass was so inflamed (kind of like this one time, when I...) After further examination, it was discovered that the man's butt did not just magically explode, but rather he had shoved an entire glass bottle all the way up there at some point.
How the hell do you forget that you did this? "Hmmm, why do I have this excruciating pain in my rectum? Let's see, what did I eat? I had some Goldfish, a steak sandwich for dinner last night, a light breakfast, some wine, I shoved an entire glass bottle up my butt, I had some fat free Dreyer's... nothing really seems to stand out."
The doctors surgically removed the bottle, and the patient made a full recovery, unfortunately for that town's gene pool.
The picture of the man on the table is the patient right before his laporatomy. No word yet on whether he's come in again or not....
Bullet Shells: What a Low BlowAn ex-soldier managed to bring the throws of war right to his own body by creating a dangerous suppository -- clearly an invention that would rival renewable energy or even real-life Iron Man armor.
Apparently he used a shell to get the bullet all the way up his rectum, because it probably seemed like a good idea at the time.
The World War II veteran suffered such bad hemorrhoids that they would get stuck in the seam of his underpants as he walked, kind of like when you have long leg hair and you wear boxer briefs. You know it happens. Imagine that with hemorrhoids (the bathroom is that way===>)
In order to alleviate the problem, he always pushed the hemorrhoids back up with the artillery shell from an antiaircraft gun, because the hemorrhoids were his mortal enemies.
On one occasion, however, the shell got stuck, which forced him to rush to the ER.
Directly before the removal operation, one of the doctors casually asked, "It is spent, isn't it?" "Oh, no!" said the man. "There's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt out of the sky."
The surgical team was forced to notify an army bomb squad. Yes. A BOMB SQUAD.
After the bomb squad arrived, the team members built a lead box around his anus and defused the shell before removing it, making this guy's body into an awesome potential weapon of slightly remarkable destruction.
Worst part: what if you ran into one of the guys whose job it was, whose salary is paid by tax payers, to diffuse the potential explosive you'd shoved up your ass? Awkwaaaaard.
Coke! But Not The Drug Kind...This 60 year old man claims that "thieves" shoved the entire Coca-cola bottle in his anus (insert breaking and entering joke here) showing us that sometimes, when people tell you exactly whereto shove something that sometimes, just sometimes, they mean it (and are willing to help.)
He was constipated for days, probably because the entire bottle of Coca-cola was kind of in the way, and was eventually admitted to the hospital.
Medical records indicate that the doctors had to use a number of tools to get that refreshing beverage out of there, including extra long forceps and some sort of creepy vacuum from hell. No bomb squad was called for this incident, despite how shaken up the Coke was (about the whole thing.)
A 1.5 Ton Plane: Michel Lotito, Mister Eat it AllAlright, so either European food is actually this bad, or people just need to find better hobbies.
Michel Lotito, a French native, regularly consumes massive objects like a 1.5 ton plane, an entire car tire, multiple wine glasses, and crushed light bulbs. Medical examiners have studied Lotito's digestive and circulatory systems at length, but they haven't come up with an answer for how on earth he is able to consume all of this machinery.
He has a specific clenching and unclenching method for his esophagus and other soft tissues to be able to handle the stress, but my question is, why WOULD YOU DO THAT!? He drinks water, and uses the bathroom frequently during meals.
IMPORTANT: If the Terminator/Skynet apocalypse ever happens, this man will be our only hope. This guy is the urban myth that all robot parents scare their robot kids with when they're misbehaving or not following protocol
Click here for the full news report.
items 6 - 10 of 13
today on Ranker
start a list with results
close sorting window
use the search box to filter your list