Gary Busey Gets in a Fist Fight Over the Design of HeavenIn late March of 2012, the story that inspired this list broke in an AV Club interview with Curtis Armstrong -- a man most of us know as Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, or as the voice of Snot from American Dad! for all the kids out there. He had, at some point, starred in a movie with Busey called Quigley, in which Gary Busey is reincarnated as a dog who comes back to the land of the living to right all the wrongs he'd done as a human being (a premise that only Busey would say yes to -- well him and Tim Allen... and Rob Schneider... alright moving on).
Embedded above is the trailer for Quigley, a hallmark of modern film, starring the two. Why anyone would agree to do this is beyond me, but there you have it. These two did a movie together. Curtis Armstrong is a smart man, though, he knew what he was doing and that it was funny.
Gary Busey, on the other hand, takes everything to the next level of serious. Here's Curtis Armstrong's re-telling of a story that happened because Gary Busey actually believes that he's been to Heaven after being in an accident where he died and came back to life.
We were shooting this movie—which is a horrible movie—and [Gary Busey] was supposed to come back from the dead. And he of course, Gary Busey, supposedly had done this—he’d been in an accident and died and came back. He showed up on a set made to look like Heaven, and he looked around and said, "I can’t play this scene." They were three days behind at this point. But Busey said, "It’s nothing like this. I’ve been to Heaven and it doesn’t look like this. That sofa’s all wrong. That mirror is ridiculous. They don’t even have mirrors!" It was ridiculous. He was completely nuts about the design of Heaven.
But then on top of it, one of the guys playing an angel, had also died and come back. And this guy got into an argument with Busey about the way Heaven looked! The two of them wound up coming to blows and they had to send everybody home. So there you go. That’s what we were working with.
So there you have it. A fist fight over the couches in Heaven.
Heaven has a certain look. And it sure as hell doesn't just have couches laying around like it's some kind of god damned dump. It's Heaven. You don't know what that looks like for a fact? Get your head out of your ass.
Source (thank you FilmDrunk)
Gary Busey Kicks Lead Actor of Piranha 3D in the StomachThe Gary Busey scholars over at uncovered this one while listening to an episode of Doug Benson's podcast Doug Loves Movies with Paul Scheer (The League, 30 Rock and Human Giant).
Paul Scheer describes the Busey incident in detail, the setting being his first day on set of Piranha 3D.
"I was in a movie that Gary Busey was in, and I talked to the lead actor, and I was like, what was it like working with Gary Busey? And he goes, 'He kicked me in the stomach!'
And I said, 'What do you mean?' And he says, 'Well I came on set,' — and he's the lead of the movie — 'I came on set and I introduced myself to him, and he goes 'Get outta here with that bullsh*t!' And he kicked me in the stomach. And then he said 'Get that guy off the set!' And they did! They got him off the set! The lead actor, they dragged him off the set."
So next time you introduce yourself to Gary Busey, please be careful as to where you position your stomach around him. He probably thinks that it's trying to attack him and probably has a really elaborate acronym for "STOMACH", but more on that later.
Gary Busey Yells at an 11 Year-OldIn 2008, an 11 year-old reporter at the Oscars took on the daunting task of asking Gary Busey a question. When she asked what advice Mr. Busey had for young stars who were getting into trouble with the law (you know the ones), Busey answered:
Well, you're gonna have to say that - you're gonna have to speak up, 'cause I can't hear you.When she repeated her question (perfectly audibly), he said:
I don't understand you! What are you asking me? ... Who? What are you asking me? I don't understand the question. What.When he finally got clarification on the complicated question, Busey dropped these nuggets of wisdom:
Well, guess what? They're not celebrities. They're idiots. They're losers. Winners do what losers don't want to do. Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan... They're all children of God, but they need to wake up and realize they have a responsibility - to the people who look at them and admire them - to be better behaved. And better... feelings about life and... the charities...It got very Miss South Carolina Teen USA after that. While it's hard to disagree with the thesis of his argument, one wonders if Busey might have found a better forum and audience for his lunatic tirade of greatness.
Okay, so the guy isn't good with kids but he really loves bears.
Gary Busey Sprays Interviewers with a HoseFrom the sound of things, the hosts of the Swedish TV program "High Chaparall," Filip and Fredrik, arranged this run-of-the-mill interview in advance with Busey's assistant, Juliet. They got more when they bargained for in 2004 when they surprised the legendary lunatic in the backyard while he was watering his plants and deck.
Or was he surprised?
Seems Busey has caught on to the rumors that he's crazy and uses it to his advantage as he sees fit. "Maybe you've forgotten or somesing," says Filip or Fredrik. Busey responds:
Are you sayin' I'm unpredictable? It's true.He proceeds to spray the TV hosts with his gardening hose, and an edit cuts to him waving what looks like a rusty machete around their hands, whispering menacingly,
If you don't trust me, you're gonna get hit.The interview goes on to cover the time Busey spent in Atlantis, double-circumcisions, and a few choice acronyms of Busey's:
-TRY - "Tomorrow's Really Yesterday" (re: not finishing commitments)
-BYOV - "Bring Your Own Vaseline" (for the host he thinks is gay)
-GAY - We're as "Good As You"
Sheesh. He's a perfectly decent singer, though. Maybe I should watch The Buddy Holly Story (for which Busey was NOMINATED FOR AN ACADEMY AWARD WHAT).
Gary Busey on His Own Use of AcronymsHe's also really great at noises click here for proof. *grunt* *growl*
Gary Busey on "Prayer Hour"Watch this video.
Before you get all up in arms again about the liberal agenda and the war on Christianity, keep in mind that Gary Busey is a special kind of crazy with an acronym for everything. In 2008 on "Prayer Hour," that acronym was:
BIBLE - Basic Instructions Before Leaving EarthDo you love it?
The thing is that "Prayer Hour" is not a real show, and Pastor Shepherd is not a real pastor. The other thing is that I honestly can't tell whether or not Busey knew that when he agreed to record this interview. Could he be that good of an actor? Or is he just that crazy? The only thing I'm sure about is that he came up with this line himself:
Yeah! Let's go to commercial. I hope it's something about toilet fish.
Gary Busey Scratches Himself, Takes Over Red Carpet InterviewThe video above says it all. Not only does Busey answer a question about what he thinks about The Oscars like this:
"The beautiful thing about the truth is, the truth requires your questions. Therefore, there is no competition in art.... L.A. County is like a huge tortilla. It spreads everywhere."
Then in the second half of the video, you get Busey at his craziest/weirdest. He seems like a nice guy.
Gary Busey Goes Nuts on Fan At an Autograph SigningAt an autograph signing, Gary Busey misspelled a man's name when making an autograph out to him. The man in question, who paid $30 for the autograph, tried to correct him, with ridiculous consequences.
The following is a recreation of (almost) exactly what happened. I can imagine him saying all of this.
Gary Busey Takes on The ApprenticeHas someone ever asked you a direct question you didn't want to answer? Take a cue from the Gary Busey Book of Conflict Avoidance: just answer a different question. Or say something that doesn't make sense. Anything, really. If you're Gary Busey, he'll let it slide - even if the inquisitor is an egomaniac like Donald Trump. On "The Celebrity Apprentice" in 2011:
TRUMP - Gary, who is your best team member?Did you know that Lil Jon is an antagonist in Gary Busey's heart? I might like that job. And, of course, another acronym for good measure:
BUSEY - All of them.
TRUMP - Did you catch a cold outside or something?
BUSEY - No, I played the part of a pepperoni prophet.
TRUMP - What could your team have done better?
BUSEY - What we could have done better was everything we did on the day of the task.
TRUMP - What does that mean?
BUSEY - That means we did better.
LUCKY - "Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly"Ivanka Trump might be the only person who can get away with asking, "How do you come up with this stu-hu-ha-ha-huff?"
Gary Busey's Motivational SpeechesPerhaps the craziest thing about Gary Busey is that every once in a while, he kind of makes sense. After all, Gary Busey doesn't give a sh*t what other people think about him, so why should you? The next time you're having a bad day, feeling down in the dumps, or need a good mirthful laugh, heed his words:
This is the sail on your boat of life. The ocean is a spirit. The ocean is your imagination. The ocean is your power. The ocean is your emotion. The sail on the boat is the Golden Rule. The wind that catches the sail and pushes the boat into a lovely sunset of tropical design with the double rainbow... That wind is your spirit.I'm painting that on the wall in my future kid's room. I am.
You're in a boat. You choose the color of the boat.
It's great to be alive.
Yeah, yeah that's good. Remember that.
Gary Busey Gets Weird on LettermanAs a guest on "Late Night" in 1990, Gary Busey told what might be the longest story I've ever heard about barnyard rape. The backstory is that, as a teenager, he worked on a farm that had some female pigs and a goat named Charlie. The spoiler is that Busey says this line:
Gary! Charlie's penetratin' the girls!He also mimes quite a bit of the story, and does sound effects. Behavior of a drug-addled maniac, or mark of a theatrical genius? You be the judge.
I don't know if there's any zygotes that come out of this or not, or embryonic gestures of an extroplanetory animals - but the goat was on and off instantly, and the girls didn't even know he was there!As Letterman says - because there's nothing else to say, "No, I know. I know."
Being Gary Busey's Personal AssistantOn the hilarious podcast Frotcast, Vince from FilmDrunk and a man named Brian Massingill talk about Massingill's time as Gary Busey's personal assistant. And it is glorious. Here are some gems from what it's like to actually work close with the myth, the legend.
One story that comes out of this moment in Busey history is what it's like to see Busey watching TV at all hours of the night sitting "Indian style", not to mention Busey once yelling to Massingill (after being told he needed to get to set) "I will rip our your spleen and eat it like a banana!".
"We were out at a local bar/restaurant and Gary had been sober for years... he got a hot dog. So our Producer comes out and starts joking around with Gary. The talent [the lead in the movie] starts wrestling around with Gary and that's something you really don't wan to do. And Gary then punches him in the face... This is to the star of our movie.
The other producers are freaking out and trying to figure out how we can get him to a hospital or a 24-hour dentist to get this fixed.
We put Gary to bed that first night."
So that was one part of working with Gary Busey, aside from inadvertently seeing his penis while waiting for him to wake up a bunch of times. But then the following happens.
"One night we went into Austin [Texas]... we put Gary to bed again. I leave him a bunch of Post-It notes everywhere for numbers and things he needs to remember and for some reason one of the things I decided to write down was my parents' home phone number, which I accidentally left by Gary. So at about 2:30 in the morning, he calls my mom 'Brian? Where's Brian'... 'Who is this?' 'This is Gary Busey, I need Brian'. [He gets the right number, finally] and calls me up and says 'Brian. You left that t-shirt and mug in Austin, you need to go back and get that t-shirt and mug.'"
The t-shirt and mug were in Brian's car. And everything was fine. Just a taste of what it's like to work closely with one Mr. Gary Busey.
He's a "very spiritual guy" and so he'd always walk around set saying "PYG, PYG, thank you God". He also asks people to mute commercials at crowded bars, due to his fear/aversion to commercials in general.
Gary Busey LaughsThis is an advertisement for the 2009 video game Saints Row 2. It is also the setting and soundtrack of your next nightmare.
Gary Busey Designs a Sex ToyGary Busey is really concerned with your sexual satisfaction and well-being. So concerned, in fact, that he devoted a whole episode of "The Busey Zone" (his YouTube web series) to informing his viewers of the sexual benefits of a conveyance generally associated with a drunk afternoon on the river.
Busey's suggestion for an easy homemade sex toy is to transform an inner tube into a floating sex toy that provides the user with both camouflage and pleasure so that you can enjoy a dip in the river whilst you dip your member into something else entirely.
The contraption is an inner tube with a hole cut in it so you can thrust into a section of rubber tubing from under water. He describes the whole experience as "a way to use an inner tube romantically", though this type of stick-and-thrust contraption leaves no room for "romance" (unless, I suppose, you feed yourself chocolate in between humping a piece of dirty, floating rubber).
Now, ladies, don’t think Busey forgot about you. He describes a way to convert his sex toy flotilla into a pleasure device for the ladies by making the same hole and attaching a battery-powered sex toy so that it protrudes into the water and, well, you. Busey seems positively elated about the potential the device holds for women. Says the semi-coherent one about the device’s primary benefit: “The good thing about [it] is…you won’t get pregnant. The inner tube won’t get pregnant. Nor will the woman…nor will the woman”.
If you're really interested in the particulars on crafting this device, the video is pretty self-explanatory. Probably the best thing about the instructions, though, is the part where Busey explains what the tubing/hole should look like. Rather than draw a diagram, he takes it upon himself to demonstrate.
Society owes you a huge debt of gratitude, Mr. Busey.
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