Hellmann's Owner Sues Competition for Using the Word 'Mayo'
Mayonnaise. You eat it. You love it. You can't eat sandwiches/live without it. But do you really know it?
According to Unilever (Hellman's parent company), federal regulators specifically define mayonnaise as a spread that contains eggs. Which is why they're not happy that a competitor is trying to pass off an egg-free version as the real stuff. The nerve!
Hampton Creek's "Just Mayo" uses plant products instead of chicken eggs in its spread. Unilever contends that by calling their decidedly non-mayo product "Just Mayo," Hampton Creek is participating in false advertising and stealing the market share that is rightfully Hellman's.
"Consumers and cooks have an expectation that mayonnaise should both taste and perform like mayonnaise. Just Mayo does neither," the complaint states. BURN.
Hampton Creek CEO Josh Tetrick doesn't think it's a big deal. "Today it's mayo, tomorrow it's a cookie ... next year it will be pasta," he said. "Maybe we'll see big cookie and big pasta lawsuits against us next."
Careful Tetrick, big mayonnaise is a $2 billion industry. This food fight's about to get real (mayo).
Source: Fox News
Man Sues British Airways for Sending Him to Grenada Not Granada
Geography is tough. In 2014, American dentist Edward Gamson planned himself a trip to the beautiful southern city in Spain, named Granada. He was especially excited for the trip due to his lifelong interest in Islamic art and his Spanish Jewish heritage. Despite his insistence with his travel agent that he wanted to visit Granada, Spain, imagine his surprise when he ended up on a nine hour flight to the Caribbean island of Grenada.
When British Airways refused to reimburse Gamson and his partner for the $4,500 first class tickets, he decided to sue the airline, for $34,000 in damages. Though there was likely much pain and suffering he had to endure as a result of the mixup, he still got a trip to the Caribbean!
Lesson learned: always double check your spelling (and maybe a map) when booking travel.
McDonald's Mentally Scars a Man With Napkin Thriftiness
Webster Lucas, a California man who recently had a unsatisfactory visit at a Pacoima, CA McDonald's restaurant, has not had enough...napkins, that is.
On a visit in late January, 2014, Lucas alleges that after asking for an extra napkin with his food, the Manager on duty - described as a Mexican-American - mumbled something that Lucas took to be racially discriminating. He claimed in a letter to the location's General Manager that the incident left him "unable to work because of the undue mental anguish and the intentional infliction of emotional distress" caused by the man who may or may not have provided him with an extra napkin.
The price tag Mr. Webster has assigned to his emotional and mental distress? $1.5 million dollars. Frivolity: He's Lovin' It!
Man Sues Dry Cleaners for $67 Million for Losing Pants
"I'll sue the pants off you!"... literally.
A Washington, D.C. judge took his pants to get dry-cleaned at a family-owned business called Custom Cleaners. According to him, they never returned the correct pair of pants, and betrayed the "satisfaction guaranteed" sign in their store. This served as enough reason to sue the business for 67 million dollars for losing his pants a.k.a. the most expensive pants in the history of pants.
Later on, he was gracious enough to drop the case down to only, just only, 54 millions dollars - what a nice guy, right?
Lawsuit language has never sounded so beautiful. Roy Pearson, the offended pants-man, passionately describes his mental suffering, inconvenience, and discomfort at the hands of a business where "never before in recorded history have a group of defendants engaged in such misleading and unfair business practices" to the judge. Basically, life without pants has been hell.
Pearson continued his tirade, always referring to himself as we (until the judge corrected him), in hopes he could get the thousands of Americans who are subject to "satisfaction guaranteed" signs to stand up and fight for their rights for quality service.
The case ended with the dry-cleaner owner holding up a pair of pressed pants, facing the judge, the jury and the plaintiff, and delivering the final blow to Pearson's case. "These are your pants," he said. Pearson ran out of the testimony, tears streaming down his face, shocked at such an injustice. To this day, he denies that those are his pants.
The epic 4 page story on ABC's website.
Woman Sues Google Maps for Bad Directions
It's official. Technology has replaced all common sense and brain function. Curse you, Google. We are helpless without you. And especially helpless if you are Lauren Rosenberg.
The specifics of this story involve Rosenberg trying to walk from 96 Daly Street, Park City, Utah, to 1710 Prospector Avenue, Park City, Utah, using Google Maps on her BlackBerry as her guide. Part of the Google directions she got involved a half-mile walk down Deer Valley Drive. When she got there, she found that the road itself had no pedestrian pathway or sidewalks. Why? Because Deer Valley Drive was also known as Utah State Route 224.
However, Rosenberg continued following directions and started walking right down a major, major higway with a lot of high-speeding cars. When she got hit by one, she sued Google for leading her there. She demanded $100,000, claiming the directions were unreasonable and unsafe, despite the fact the road was obviously unfit for pedestrians and that upon the map, Google clearly marks Route 224 as a major thoroughfare. Rosenberg apparently never saw the side roads she could have used. Nor did she pay attention that Google posts a warning about the safety and reliability of its directions with every map search.
To be fair, the warning apparently never shows up in cellphones or when giving directions. And apparently it doesn't show up in people's brains either. It has come to the point where if Google tells you to walk into the middle of a heavily-used highway, so be it.
Woman Sues Halloween Horror Nights Because It Was "Too Scary"
A woman sued Universal Studios because it was causing her "emotional distress." The distress in question happened when Cleanthi Peters and her granddaughter exited a ride to find an employee with a chainsaw leaping out of the dark and chasing them out of the ride.
They swore that Leatherface was attacking them in the middle of public, like any logical human being attending an event at a park that markets itself as the scariest experience you'll ever have at a theme park and often features headlining attractions such as 3D Saw-style torture and a haunted house filled with your darkest fears.
Screaming, they ran out of the ride, out onto the park and slipped on a wet spot, leaving them helpless when Leatherface caught up to them and brandished his chainsaw in their faces. There was much crying and hugging and praying galore and there probably were some clothes that needed to be changed.
Instead of feeling thankful of being alive, the woman turned around and sued the park for $15,000 dollars. Why didn't she win? Well, only because the park was going through "Halloween Horror Nights" and they "alley" where this happened was the Haunted House.
"The line for this bathroom is really long-oooooh My GOD!"
Man Sues Anheuser-Busch For Showing Hot Women Become Attracted To Normal Guys
In 1991, a man named Richard Overton sued Anheuser-Busch, maker of beers like Budweiser and Bud Light, in light that their advertisements featuring guys scoring with beautiful women do not illustrate the reality that consuming beer will not get you laid.
His concern for the public seems to be pretty evident as clause by clause, he accuses the beer maker of lying to society in order to get them to buy their products and promote the false belief that beer is necessary for social interaction between the sexes. This "false" belief is harmful to society, said the naturally-funny-at-parties Samaritan.
But then the lawsuit turns to its last page, where it claims the advertisements caused poor Overton emotional and physical distress along with financial losses of 10,000 dollars. Sounds like a pretty personal case. The compensation demanded 250 dollars for every day Anheuser-Busch continues to air these ads.
The lawsuit never describes what personal damage was inflicted by Anheuser-Busch onto Overton, though its easy to imagine he tried to emulate one of the ads and ended up getting sick of hypothermia when trying to cool beers on icy mountains. Or maybe he tried hitting on women over and over again drunk on Bud Light until one of them finally gave it to him straight-up cold, leaving him brutally exposed to the harsh reality that advertisements are not a real depiction of life.
Read his official complaint here (PDF warning.)
Suicidal Person Sues Subway Train Authority
The first time Milo Stephens Jr. tried to commit suicide, he did it by jumping in front of subway train as it pulled into an East Manhattan station way back in 1977. He didn't die, but the aftermath was pretty brutal. We'll just say Stephens didn't emerge from the incident in one piece.
A few months later, the family was able to find an "enterprising personal injury lawyer" who gave a whole new meaning to the term personal injury in legal circumstances. With his help, the family sued the New York City Transit Authority for 650,000 dollars in the guise that the driver of the train did not slow down the car in time and thus was to blame for injuring Stephens, even though he willingly put himself in harm's way.
Astonishingly, they won and the personal injuries weren't so personal anymore. Strangely, Stephens tried to kill himself again using the same method in 1982, which means that either he needs serious medical help, or he burned through that money faster than MC Hammer. Fortunately, New York didn't have anything to worry about as there was no severe "personal damage" this time.
Man Sues Park for Not Labeling Bathrooms Well Enough
Back in 1995, while attending a Billy Joel Concert at Jack Murphy Stadium in San Diego, Robert Glaser felt nature calling and went off to relieve himself. Little did he know that the bathrooms at the stadium were unisex (which is 100% inappropriate at a Billy Joel concert.) When he got there, he found a shocking sight: a woman using a urinal to pee. This traumatized Glaser and turned his wee little problem into a big one.
He went around the entire stadium to find a place to pee in peace, but all he found were women in the restrooms. Terrified at the idea that one of them would suddenly pull down their pants and crouch over the urinals, or that he was in a ladies' restroom and therefore "breaking rules," he resolved to hold it in for four hours. This "emotional distress" and "embarrassment" that he suffered were later used as complaints in the lawsuit he filed against the stadium and the city of San Diego for $5.4 million. He lost and to this day, women still have the chance to use a urinal to pee in San Diego. God bless America.
Man Sues Michael Jordan for Looking Like Him
Allen Heckard would like you to know to he is not Michael Jordan. And he would appreciate it if you stop calling him that. Using his own legal words, the years spent dealing with "defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering" of being mistaken for His Airness proved to be too much for this 8 years older, three to six inches shorter than the real Michael Jordan, plaintiff.
Heckard sued Michael Jordan for $416 million because he was stealing his likeness. He also sued Nike for the same amount because they made Michael Jordan one of the most recognizable men in the world. Why $416 each, you ask?
"Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that by seven and, ah, then I turn around and, ah, I figure that's what it all boils down to." That's why, Heckard says, after he paid the $206 fee to file the case. He had no lawyer to help him, but he did have enough money and legal rights to file the case and bring it to a judge, meaning that you use his age, a fee, and bad math to come up with exactly (give or take) $416 million.
The lawsuit was quickly dropped afterward, presumably because Nike's lawyers found Heckard and discussed with him about the ways they would counter-sue and therefore legally whoop his ass.
Click here for full news story.
Why Does This Taser Fire Bullets?
Perhaps it seems to be a cliche to say it, but only in this country can you get away with murder by suing someone else.
In the city of Madera, California, where there is absolutely nothing for anyone to do, after responding to a disturbance call, police arrested Evadero Torres, handcuffed him and brought to the backseat of a police vehicle. Sounds like a typical day in the life of a Police officer. Except when this guy tried a Pineapple Express by attempting to kick out vehicle windows and wrestle himself free from the handcuffs and grips of the officers subduing him. It lead up to where one of the officers, Marcie Norieg, took out her taser to make the suspect go nice and quiet, which makes sense at this point.
Well, it worked. Sort of. The only problem was that Noriega didn't take out her taser. She took out her gun and thought she tasered the suspect, but had instead shot him in the chest and killed him.
The response? Not only were charges not pressed upon Noriega, but the police force sued the makers of the Taser gun under suspicion that it its design was too similar to that of a real gun - attributing that reason as the cause of the man's death, obviously not the negligent officer.
Music Industry Sues Dead Woman's Daughter
In a way, you have to feel bad for the Recording Industry Association of America ever since the digital presence of the Internet became an established part of music culture. It must really suck to see people steal over and over again the once was the lucrative gains from selling records and have pretty much no power in stopping them.
All that's left is the law. RIAA lawsuits have increased triple fold and it seems that it doesn't take much to get sued by them. Even the smallest or most insignificant detail can convince the RIAA to press charges. Like, let's say, a death certificate.
Gertrude Walton was accused by the RIAA of making over 700 songs available to illegally download on the Internet. Despite testimonials from her daughter that Ms. Walton hated computers and being sent the official death certificate as a response to the warning letter, the RIAA no less decided that Ms. Walton deserved to be sued.
Ms. Walton was not available to retaliate or defend herself, since at the time she was interred at Greenwood Memorial Park (probably the address the complaints to Ms. Walton were sent to). An RIAA spokesperson said they would try and dismiss the case, trying being the key word here. Perhaps they'll just sue the graveyard and demand they receive all of her flowers instead.
Click here for source.
Nebraska State Senator Sues God
Well, here's a case that brings new meaning to the relationship between church and state. Ernie Chambers, plaintiff and "the duly elected and serving State Senator from the 11th Legislative District in Omaha, Nebraska" sued God "for directly and proximately [causing], inter alia, fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornados, pestilential plague." He also used the lawsuit as a cease and desist order to God, complaining He must bow to the law and "cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats."
Chambers maintains that he filed the lawsuit as a way to fight local laws that restricted the public from filing frivolous lawsuits. As a state senator, it seems there is no better way than to bring up said issue and prove that "anyone can sue anyone they choose, even God" by filing your own crazy lawsuit and waste the taxpayers' money.
But why God? Well, because God, as, "that defendant, being omnipresent, is personally present in Douglas County", according to Chambers, who just revealed he not only believes in God, but he believes he can sue him to make a point that people can and should sue God. He can tell that to the judge, who rejected the case because the Almighty did not have a recorded address.
We are all waiting for God to retaliate. Your move, big guy.
News story from, of course, Fox News
Robert Lee Brock vs. Robert Lee Brock
Robert Lee Brock violated his own civil rights when he "partook in alcoholic beverages and caused himself to get arrested." This, to Brock, was enough evidence to prompt a lawsuit against himself for $5 million. However, since he became a prisoner sentenced to 23 years and therefore had no income to pay himself, Brock asked the state of Virginia to pay these compensations.
The case didn't go very far before being dismissed as frivolous, but it's still mind-boggling to think it ever could have been filed and presented to court in anything other than a sitcom. He was basically trying to do to the state of Virginia what that one jerk would always do with his trading cards when you were little.
One wonders if Brock hired a lawyer to work out the details and legal language in the official complaint, because only a lawyer could accurately concoct the insanity/evil(?) of this ridiculous plan which almost worked.
Jack Ass Sues Jackass
A man who legally changed his name to Jack Ass in 1997 sued Viacom, MTV's parent company, because the show they aired called "Jackass" prompted defamation to his good name and tore apart his reputation.
Mr. Ass was seeking 10 million dollars "for injury to a reputation I have built and defamation of character I have created." The characters being himself trying to spear-head an awareness campaigning about the dangers of alcohol. Mr. Ass had good intentions, but it seems a little crazy and convoluted to legally change your name to Jack Ass and run a campaign whose slogan is "Don't be a dumb ass, be a smart ass."
At least he's dedicated to his job. Anyway, he didn't win the lawsuit because c'mon, really, who cares.
Click here for the source and lawsuit documentation.
McDonalds and Its Coffee
Oh, Stella. And this is no reference to A Streetcar Named Desire.
Once upon a time, a woman named Stella Libeck bought a cup of coffee from a drive-through at McDonald's. She then placed it in between her knees to add cream. She ended up spilling it instead. The scalding-hot coffee gave her third degree burns and she sued McDonald’s to cover the medical costs. She initially sued for $2.7 million in damage,s though the number was lowered to $640,000.
All of this despite the warning label and the ill-advised practice of putting a hot drink on your knees instead of finding a cup holder. It only seems naturally that she ended up spilling it on herself.
The funny part is that this case seems to have some merit to it. The temperature McDonald’s serves its coffee at (180 Fahrenheit) legitimately will burn your skin severely in a matter of seconds, and so forever ignited the debate whether people can sue for not using common sense. There’s even a detailed Wikipedia page.
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