The individuals involved in these brawls have some serious opponents to face: from angry, chair-throwing 300 pound whales to angry high schoolers in children's costumes, these videos prove that 24-hour diner brawls are probably the deadliest of their kind (offsetting fast food fights) because not only are people drunk and tired, but they're obviously not going to work the next morning which means they've been trained in the ancient art of the furniture and food throw by the grace of their daytime TV idols Maury and Jerry.
Halloween at Dennys: The Costume Throwdown, Preschool Edition
Pretty much everyone has seen two douchebags like these fighting, but to see a group of little girls in hilarious costumes throwing stuff at each other is a rare sight that will inspire amazing stories for the rest of your life. Luckily, someone here had a camera phone to cover the event.
Basically, all these little kids got together at an East Oakland Dennys and decided to slap the living hell out of each other... with their meals.
The sound quality in the video isn't great, because what ghetto camera phone's is, but the children seem to be yelling at each other about who has a better Halloween costume, or whose mother is more overweight.
There's a girl in a candy corn costume that decides to wreak hell over a girl in a ladybug costume. These two, as far as I'm concerned, are the stars of this wonderful, miraculously ghetto video. The amazingness that is their lack of self-control and poor threshold for anger management is what fuels this video where these kids really do TRASH the hell out of this Dennys.
Every single person in the video manages to throw a chair at the wall or across the room. Something I think we can all learn from this video, as well as from most of these videos, is that food doesn't hurt anyone and that, most importantly, chair throwing should be left to the professionals on Jerry Springer. It's pretty difficult when you actually try it.
Fox News Crew is Attacked Outside an IHOP
This is absolutely awesome, and you know what, at least a little bit justified. A group of local mourners of a memorial right outside of an IHOP decide that the Fox News news crew stationed there doesn't belong, so they begin to attack them until they leave. They don't want this national news to be covering their friend's death and like with all IHOP fight videos it gets ugly -- only this time it's shot (while in grave danger) by a professional.
Somewhere around the beginning one of the women yells to the reporter and his camera woman to "go j*****f." Well, at least this mob is original: I haven't heard someone tell someone else to "go m********e!" used effectively an argument before.
After a while, not only does the Fox camerawoman drop her camera due to being overwhelmed by a crowd (pfft, amateur) but she manages to get in a few shots after being knocked into the grass (pfft, professional).
"I OWN THIS B*TCH!!"
First of all, the fight seems to start when one patron yells " I OWN THIS B*TCH!!" and another patron gets angry and punches that fool in the face.
Cause what better better response is there to that sentence? You, at that point, pretty much need to be shown that you do not, in fact, "own" that respective female.
It only gets worse as a boob-clad girl runs the f*ck away from all the drama in her black jumpsuit and high heels.
Additionally, worldstarhiphop.com is plastered across the screen, announcing its ownership of this classy footage, cause who doesn't want to brand something like this?
At 00:27, those fateful words are uttered by the dude in the sports gear and the guy who's literally 2 heads taller than him pushes him, head first, into the nearest booth. You hear his head hit the wooden (or "painful") part of the booth before he immediately gets back up and all hell breaks loose.
This is definitely the greatest beginning of one of these brawls (as we usually come in mid-brawl) and it definitely gets bananas. BANANAS.
Four Guido-Like Chicks Get Down at a Dennys
In the video that gives us arguably the most epic whale tail (no weight jokes intended... wait... no... weight joke intended) on this entire list, four white chicks start to get all Jersey Shore on each other and then things seem to calm down.
Little did the camera man know, though, (and this would be a fatal mistake if he worked for MTV, this calm when it comes to girls like this is only the calm before the storm. It's a crouching move before the tiger goes in for the kill. The person stops filming, then we're dropped into the middle of the fight later on, once the main (kind of attractive) girl decides to go nuts and gets taken down by everyone else, exposing the whale tail that makes the entire video worth it.
Not only do you not want to be caught fighting like this on video on the internet in general, but you REALLY don't want to be caught doing it while your pants are falling down around your knees. It'd be almost sad if it wasn't so funny.
Brooklyn Diner Fat Chick Fight
One important thing to learn here is that if you have trouble controlling your anger and/or you think you're going to be doing some fighting at any point in your life, you should probably wear some stretch pants, a bra and make sure that you have enough layers to protect yourself from flying utensils, chairs and wandering children.
Here we have a couple of Latinas going at it hardcore in a pretty concentrated area of a local Brooklyn diner. They really tear up the joint until the management just tells them to bleed.
It's unclear what they're fighting about, but blood does come into the equation and when the cameraman questions one of the women, they seem almost offended (which really, is good for bonus points).
Man Survives Brawl... WITH A VEHICLE
A North Carolina native Kenneth Anderson was recently almost murdered in a car fight that destroyed most of the diner where he regularly grabs a free cup of coffee. The car crashed through the diner's window directly in front of where Anderson was sitting and Anderson's only injury was a little shock. His only complaint? He lost his cigarettes.
This man is a bad ass. Hands down. Here he is explaining why he so casually got up from a near-death experience and then proceeded to do the most badass thing known to man -- he was looking for his cigs, but only saw his hat on the seat so he put it on, then moved on.
Car Crashes Into Diner Guy Walks Away - Watch more Funny Videos
Fight at Hooter's During the Jets Game
The woman in the center of the action kind who both looks and acts like a real-life version of Rosie Perez in the 80s, kind of acts like a mediator at the beginning, but then she shoves both the men fighting, cause it's a sporting event and there's only so much you can spectate before getting actively involved.
This is probably the most stylish fight in this entire list, because the dudes are both fat, but proud and 100% mobster material.
The first punch thrown, only seconds into the video, is clearly done in a fashion that only a man who has had someone killed would have done. This makes his punch (which he misses, completely) not only awesome, but smooth. Smooth as a baby's butt -- like most punches.
After that the fat man in the creme colored shirt breaks some beer bottles, and yet again, sh*t truly begins to get to the state of being "real."
Thankfully, there are men in this world who would rather spend their valuable time video taping these events for us instead of doing what most dudes would feel inclined to do in any of these situations which is... you know... "help."
Chuck E Cheese Photo Booth Brawl
Chuck E Cheese is a theme diner where kids eat pizza regularly. It takes so long for that damned pizza to come out that this is pretty much the opposite of "fast food."
At a Hickory Hill Chuck E. Cheese, several families were involved in a brawl because the people in the photo booth were just talking too damn long.
Juanita Key, a pregnant, angry individual, started the riot when she and her family were in line at the photo booth and asked the patrons inside how long they would be.Their response was not to her liking. They were there celebrating her three year old son's birthday, and were eventually charged with assaulting a police officer, inciting a riot, and POSSESSION OF MARIJUANA, baby!
The worst part about this whole thing is how sad the baby/toddler sounds when he's looking desperately for his parents only to find a bunch of insane Maury-like "adults" taking their rage out on each other.
Oh, also, this is a huge fight at a Chuck-E-Cheese... started by adults.