Geraldo Rivera Calls Casey Anthony a Slut
Some time during Summer 2008, doe-eyed Caucasian American toddler Caylee Anthony was murdered in Orlando, FL. Three years later, her mother Casey - then 25 - was on trial for her murder. Prosecution focused on her hard-partying ways and lady-of-leisure lifestyle, even when she had a kid at home / locked in the trunk of her car.
During the the high-profile trial, it was revealed that Casey Anthony got a tattoo that said Bella vita, "the beautiful life" in the weeks following her daughter's "disappearance." Geraldo Rivera, ever the meticulous wordsmith, somersaulted in to the media circus with his own eloquent verdict:
More evidence... I think it will end the prosecution case with a bang, so to speak, to show that this was a selfish, narcissistic, self-involved slut who wanted to kill her child to have la bella vita.
Geraldo Rivera Stops a Rescue Team from Saving a Katrina Victim So He Can Do It Himself
Did you know that Geraldo Rivera once saved a woman's life? It's true! While on the phone with Fox News, he rescued an elderly woman and her dog who were stranded in the wake of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. He was a hero! Cue fame, riches, and knighthood.
Here's the thing: There was someone else already there to save the woman. The New York Times reported that Geraldo literally shoved a member of the U.S. Air Force out of the way so that he (Geraldo Rivera) could perform the heroic rescue on camera. So very brave.
Geraldo Rivera Endangers American Troops, Compromises Iraqi Mission
This is a good one. In 2003, the 101st Airborne Division of the U.S. Army - the "Screaming Eagles" - was escorting war correspondent Geraldo Rivera in Iraq when he almost got them all killed. During his broadcast, he had his photographer aim the camera down at the sand, where he drew a map of their current location in relation to Baghdad. But that's not all! Before a rational human being had time to leap in to kick sand over Geraldo's human bullseye, he went on to diagram the military plans of the division. Like, he drew a line on his map, effectively telling both at-home American viewers and foreign mortal enemies where the 101st was headed next.
A Pentagon spokesman later reported that Geraldo was to be dropped off at the Kuwaiti border, in the desert, completely naked and covered in honey.
Geraldo Rivera Tells Fox News Viewers: Obama Is Dead
Remember the 2008 Presidential Election and the riveting race leading up to it? Remember how funny and clever it was every time some pundit, political commentator, or dirty lunatic in line at Rite Aid called the Democratic candidate either "Barack Osama" or "Obama bin Laden"? It was a modern Golden Age in our nation's history that I hope to tell my grandchildren about someday.
After Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was killed in a raid by a U.S. special forces military unit (thanks, Barry), the media got superjazzed about breaking the news. It was an exciting time! How did it happen? Where was the body? How could we be sure this really happened? Professional news-breaker Geraldo Rivera was on the scene ASAP, telling loyal Fox News fans the words they had been waiting years to hear:
Obama is dead.
Geraldo Rivera Opens Al Capone's Vaults on Live TV, Finds Dirt
Oh, how I wish I could remember this first-hand! But alas, in those days, I was a Sally Jessy man...
The story goes: For a few years leading up to his arrest, Al Capone, the legendary gangster (Tommy guns, not Tommy Hilfiger), lived in the Lexington Hotel in Chicago, IL. During hotel renovations in the early 1980s, a construction company discovered that Capone's medicine cabinet hid the entrance to a series of underground tunnels. The elaborate passages connected brothels and bars and, most importantly, provided an escape route in case of police raid. Further investigation led to discovery of a secret vault which - rumor had it - contained a great deal of Capone's wealth.
In 1986, Geraldo Rivera promoted the bejesus out of television special during which he planned to open Al Capone's vault. It was a Big Deal. For scope, last summer's build-up to the televised $10 million holy nuptials of Kim Kardashian and her ex-husband had nothing on this. For weeks, Geraldo fans and morbidly curious normal people nationwide were swept up in the hype.
On April 21, 1986, 30 million people (15 times as many people as voted for Ralph Nader in 2004) tuned in to the live special "The Mystery of Al Capone's Vaults." As America watched with bated breath, Rivera ran his mouth for two whole hours about what he might find inside. Dead bodies? No problem! He had a medical examiner on hand. Gold and riches? Never fear - he had IRS agents there, too. In the final act, someone finally opened the damn thing. This is what was inside:
Hey, maybe the bottles were used to store illegal Prohibition-era bathtub gin! That's what Geraldo suggested. I defy you to prove him wrong.
Geraldo Rivera Says Trayvon Martin Was Murdered Because He Was Wearing a Hoodie
In February 2012, while (allegedly) walking around his suburban Florida gated community (allegedly) holding an Arizona Iced Tea and a bag of Skittles, unarmed black 17 year-old Trayvon Martin was shot and killed by (allegedly) racist & paranoid self-appointed neighborhood vigilante George Zimmerman, 28. On the rainy evening in question, Martin was on the phone with a female friend when he realized someone was following him. Though the friend suggested that Martin run, he said that he would only put up his jacket hood and walk faster. She heard a conversation between the other two men (Martin: "Why are you following me?" Zimmerman: "What are you doing here?") before the call cut out. Less than 5 minutes later, Trayvon Martin was dead.
As the weeks passed with no arrest, high-profile figures from LeBron James to Barack Obama went public in support of finding justice for the murdered teen. Geraldo Rivera interjected himself into the media frenzy on March 23rd when he appeared on "The O'Reilly Factor" to make the most coherent argument he could muster: That Trayvon Martin was dead because he had worn a hoodie.
I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was. ... I'll bet you money: if he didn't have that hoodie on, that nutty neighborhood watch guy wouldn't have responded in that violent and aggressive way.The controversial (i.e. weird) comment drew widespread outrage and criticism, and thousands signed petitions demanding an apology. A few days later, Rivera
Heard petition demands my apology to Trayvon's parents.But not to be misunderstood, he clarified that he only had the most noble of intentions at heart for all of the little brown kids in America. He sent an email to Politico saying,
Save effort: I deeply apologize for any hurt I caused-that is not my goal or intent
I apologize to anyone offended by what one prominent black conservative called my 'very practical and potentially life-saving campaign urging black and Hispanic parents not to let their children go around wearing hoodies.'In a response, a coalition of hoodie-wearers and manufacturers worldwide released the statement: "Yeah, whatever. Dick."
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