There are few things more entertaining than the heart-wrenching misery of other people. Some of the greatest moments in cringeworthy Internet videos can be found within the hundreds of videos of people being denied a fair maiden's hand in marriage in some brutal, embarrassing, and public way. So, here are the best (worst?) videos of guys making terrible decisions with what's supposed to be one of the greatest moments of their life (leading to what is probably the worst moment of their life).
I Better Tell Her Not To Tape This
Australia, like every non-American country in the world, loves soccer (aka football) and rugby much more than the rest of us. They even have entire shows dedicated strictly to their love of Rugby and Football, including the award winning "The Footy Show" (now in it’s 18th Season).
Despite Australia’s enthusiasm for rugby and football, I still think the average woman doesn’t want to be proposed to on what is basically a "SportCenter" and "Sabado Gigante" hybrid.
But that doesn’t stop Peter, who goes up on stage and talks about his girlfriend Katherine, who he’s been with for three years. He drops on his knee to propose and she starts shaking her head. This is usually when you know the guy is f*cked. The saddest part is that he begins to beg her to say yes before she gets up and runs off the stage. This poor guy's only response: ‘I told my mom to record it... I better call Dad and make sure he doesn't record it.’
Slapped In The Heart ... And Face
This video starts off adorably. It's a baseball game when this guy proposes to his girlfriend. The crowd starts cheering. But then around the 15-second mark, something goes terribly wrong. I don't know what the guy says, but his girlfriend immediately goes from joy to anger. Immediately she slaps this guy across the face and storms off. The entire surrounding crowd gasps and our proposer begins to cry.
The Audience Goes Wild... With Disappointment
I have been to at least three concerts where a man got on stage and proposed to his girlfriend. Every time I thought to myself, it'd be really funny if the girl said no. Turns out I was only half right.
This guy is on stage in front of possibly thousands of people. He says that he's been dating his girlfriend for a year and that he has something to ask her. Then he gets her on the stage. It's not really subtle, I think we ALL know what he's about to do. He drops to his knee and she shakes her head and runs away.
What I don't understand is that ANYBODY could figure out what he was going to do. She answered no so quickly that it's obvious she didn't want to marry him, so why even go on stage? Why even come out there? So as to not leave the guy "hanging"? She's going to do it anyway. There's really no "good" way to deny someone marriage.
In this case, the lead singer of the band adds insult to injury with his comments "I thought that would be much harder to follow up." This is the second video to end with the link for the jewelry company. I now believe this company buys up people's most embarrassing moments for the sake of advertising. I now want to work for this company.
The Coyote and the Escort
This, along with every single other item on this list, is a shining example of why you shouldn't propose in a public place.
Here's the story: When the game went to commercial break, the coyote mascot brought a girl out from the stands to assist him with what she thought was a slam dunk. She was given a ball to hold up in the air while being blindfolded. Once blindfolded they brought out her boyfriend and he got down on one knee.
This is where the video begins.
The girl's blindfold is removed and as she sees her boyfriend and the ring; she drops the ball and immediately walks away from him. Which brings us to probably one of the most awkward members of society we have today: The Public Proposal Denial Escort. This is the person who, at sporting events, needs to tell the woman which way she can legally exit the stadium, or the center of the court, while she is trying to avoid even being seen by anyone attending.
This guy leads her awkwardly off the court. Because that's what you do when you're a Public Proposal Denial Escort.
The mascot really is the funniest part of this whole video. Right when he sees what's going to happen, he begins raising his arms, so as to rally applause for the new happy engaged couple... but then he sees her reaction... and puts his arms down in disappointment.
If you do this at a sporting event and fail, just know that no matter what happens, the mascot will always be there for you. Know that.
Four Hipsters Walk Into a White Castle
Four hipsters walk into a White Castle on Valentine's Day during its "couple's special" because they've decided it's kind of fun and ironic. So, they dress up, go to White Castle and have their meal, complete with a side of kitsch.
One of the hipsters is going to propose to his cute but pretentious-seeming girlfriend after a meal, so they all finish the meal, and she goes to the bathroom.
Everyone else knows he's going to propose when she gets back. The anticipation is palpable. No matter how you feel about these kids, one of them is about to make a life-changing decision. The nervousness before "the ask" is there, and it's understandable and almost unbearable.
She comes back from the bathroom and the guy starts telling the girl how much he loves her... until... someone else proposes first.
You snooze, you lose, buddy.
Commentary Of A Failure
As if it hasn't been apparent throughout this list, proposing at a sporting event is a terrible idea.
The girl takes a long time making a decision before she bends down, starts whispering to him and then slowly walks off the court, leaving the guy alone. There are multiple elements to add insult to injury related to this particular video. The blow horn going off immediately after she declines, the mascot-escort off the court, and most importantly, the commentators, who actually predict the rejection and then immediately feel bad about it.
This Guy Really Should Not Have Done This
This is a really huge fail.
If you still haven't completely be put off about ever proposing in a public setting, perhaps this video will finally change your mind.
Mike gets on to the "Almost Late Show" stage and begins to talk to his girlfriend, Lynn.
First mistake is proposing to this girl after what he says are only "a couple months." Lynn looks completely horrified to be alive during these moments of her life. He asks her to marry him (although he fumbles his words, so it sounds more like he asks her to "parry" him) and she's silent.
He awkwardly fumbles the ring towards her fingers and she keeps her hands locked in a freedom-defending grip of utter shock and despair. She runs off and the hosts have absolutely no idea what to do.
They were probably a few awkward dates away from breaking up. So learn from this guy, know the state of your relationship before you decide to pop the question. Also, don't propose in public.
If Romantic Comedies Had Realistic Endings
And finally, we have this one.
This one really hurts.
This is the kicker.
Why? Because it's so sweet. And if she'd said yes, this would have been one of the greatest moments of their lives, magical, caught on video for their families to enjoy until the end of time. It's really quite perfect and has an almost cinematic feel to it as the guy takes her to a food court where, ostensibly, they met, got together, or ate for the first time. The girl's name is Caroline, so he hires a guitar player to sing "Sweet Caroline" to her as he proposes. They entire food court starts singing along without anyone asking.
Amidst the singing, though, he gets down on one knee, shows her the ring, and she runs out of the mall. Everyone stares at them and they get a story they will all remember forever, especially the guy. He'll definitely remember it (and all the therapy bills).
Maybe the guy should have shaved?
Anyway, take it from here kids: keep it honest, keep it simple, and if you're going to do something elaborate, please, don't do it in public.