Stadium sex is one of the greatest phenomenons in American history. People caught having sex in sports stadiums are some of the most rare breed of badasses this country has ever known. When the fans look like this can you blame them? So in celebration of the biggest stadium event of the year, The Superbowl, here are the 13 greatest videos and stories of people being caught in public having sex at sports stadiums. Like bosses.
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Stadium Sex at Its Finest. No, Really.
This is the greatest, the sexiest and the ballsiest example of stadium sex anyone has ever seen.
Although at a loss for the specifics of location and date of this incredibly vigorous video, it must be handed to the couple that they present, by far, the most determined and innovative use of space and perceived-privacy in bleacher seating.
On the constant lookout for possible voyeurs, the couple giggles and pauses in between bouts of squirming and bouncing, as if sitting in the secluded upper section of the stadium on the lap of the dude's spread legs wasn't reason enough to draw suspicion.
By far the most physically gratifying video of them all, their passion is warranted by their IDGAF mentality (you're welcome for that acronym) which is absolutely necessary when entering the world of stadium sex.
These two really get down... and it is absolutely amazing. Hats off to America.
NOTE: This is extremely NSFW, as these people actually have full-on sex in the stands.
Here's the video:
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5 people just voted on Dallas Cowboys Fans Break in New Bathrooms
Quite possibly the locale "par d'excellence" for sex in a stadium, the Dallas Cowboys Stadium's Hall of Fame Box-Level bathroom stalls served as this couple's romantic retreat during the fourth quarter of the game (cause everyone knows that's the least important quarter...)
The couple went so unfazed and so focused on their task at hand that they either failed to notice the crowd of fans armed with cellphone cameras they managed to amass, or simply didn't care.
When the couple had finished, they got dressed and left the bathroom stall to a round of enthusiastic, voyeuristic and if-you-think-about-it-kinda-creepy applause.
One of the guys in the crowd said "See you on YouTube!" to which the guy of the two answered "Bring it on!"
God Bless America
One savvy voyeur took the initiative to get a better glimpse of the sexual encounter and managed to record three seconds of thrusting action which you can watch yourself by clicking HERE (NSFW, obviously.)
It's unclear from the video whether protection was used between the woman and the cold, hard, tiled ground, but one can't help but wonder if a more standard missionary or doggy style would have been a more practical position in terms of sanitation and comfort.
I guess if you manage to start getting down at any public bathroom (this one was actually shockingly clean for a stadium bathroom), you're really not to worried about your knees, butt or the fact that you're probably having sex on someone else's urine.
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Voyeur Catches Couple in Grand Stands
Quite tame in comparison to the rest of the clips on the list (tame enough to be on YouTube at least), it's definite who's pleasing who in this clip: the woman is clearly getting off because she's incredibly, incredibly bored with whatever's actually happening in the game.
Despite the not-so-graphic nature and lack of detail to the clip, it nevertheless proves the shameless acts of raunchiness and the desperate means of sex couples seem to have kind of a calling (if not community?) in various sports stadiums throughout the country.
Either that or women just really would rather be doing stuff that benefits both parties (most of the time) than sitting and watching a game around a bunch of people who were raised before deodorant was invented.
And now, a woman pleasuring herself and making out with her boyfriend due to a game that she obviously wanted absolutely nothing to do with.
The frustrating part for men must be... what if he did the same thing at the ballet?
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3 people just voted on HJ at Tampa Bay
Caught in the act! Her concealing smile and lurking eyes do nothing to hide what's going on in the Southern region of that dude's body.
Starting at the :04 second mark, prime footage of the woman pleasing her man is captured, her eyes noticeably scanning the crowd, but look a little closer, and as the camera pans out, her jerking arm is unmistakeable.
What makes this clip absolutely great is his uncontainable enthusiasm played off as rooting for his favorite team, while his significant other deviously scans the crowd to make sure their privacy is safe.
Unfortunately, both of them failed to realize that the big screen had captured their shenanigans on camera for the entire stadium, and therefore the world, to see.
The greatest part is the guy celebrating and the girl, slowly, making one of the biggest mistakes of her life.
Baseball Game Handjob in the Stands - Watch more Funny Videos
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Mutual Hand Jivin' at the Stadium
It's one thing to receive a hand job from your sweetheart at your favorite sports game, but this man goes beyond and makes the grand gesture of delivering the favor to his precious by sticking his hands down her pants and expressing his generous character by playing DJ for a bit during a game.
The couple was so involved in their awesome debauchery that they failed to notice the thousands of people surrounding them in the bleachers, or at least they failed to see the tone of people who were watching -- including the internet heroes that were videotaping the man's feeble attempt at pleasuring his girlfriend/wife.
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Qwest Field, Prosecutor Arrested for Bathroom Sex
Finally! A logical and sensible reason for accusations of stadium bathroom stall sex! At the 39 year old attorney's charges of "obstruting and trespassing the women's restroom" with an actual woman in tow, he claims, by word of King County Sheriff Urquhart, says he "was going to the bathroom."
An account of the attorney having had been "drinking and was argumentative" by the sheriff still doesn't "prove any sexual acts were carried through", and their only source of evidence seems to be "quite a long lineup "of women in line for the restroom upon official's arrivals.
Give credit where credit is due, and leave it up to a prosecutor to come up with such a simply technical and rational response of not using, but "going" to the restroom as a reply to having public sex.
Never try and catch a lawyer doing something illegal, folks.
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College Football Fan Makes Hand Signals
This footage from an El Paso college football tournament proves that the thrill of stadium sex transcends time and age.
Skip over to the :12 second mark of the clip to see a clearly pronounced jittering in the pants of the young f*ture internet superstar enjoying the game with his girlfriend, which is so conveniently circled in yellow by the news program to narrow in on the action.
American Journalism at its finest.
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Sox Park Opening Day Bathroom Stall Sex Ruins Family Outing
Having expected to spend quality time with his six-year old son at the Opening Day at the White Sox Park, die hard Sox fan Dr. Paul Nemeth ended up leaving the game "disgusted." It was during accompanying his son to the restroom that Nemeth describes the sight, "The toes were pointing up, the legs were shaking and quivering... all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on."
Most likely because the man has never made a woman feel that. The proof is in the remaining paragraphs...
Nemeth didn't realize just how much was going on in there, and as a trained physician, Nemeth's initial instinct was to ensure the safety of those who were possibly suffering in the stall, as hinted by the moans and murmurs coming from the single stall. Surely someone was dying.
Nemeth's offer of help by kicking the stall to ensue a reaction was turned down by a woman who yelled, "HEY, STOP!"
Nemeth was still at a loss for exactly what was going on as he speculates during that point in time, "something was going on and I had interruptedÃÂ."
The obviously-homeschooled Dr. Nemeth's speculations were validated once a man followed by a "scurrying" woman exited the stall, receiving the cheers and adoration of a crowd surrounding the stall.
The man, in apparent acceptance of the applause, pumped his arms up in the air in victory (having just finished a few minutes of hardcore pumping in the stall, so this was actually an admirable feat.)
But it wasn't the actual sex encounter that Nemeth was utterly mortified by, but rather the "ecouragement this guy received from the other guys in the bathroom" which he recounts as "probably the most disgusting thing", thus proving his ability to be unperturbed by spontaneous sexual acts, and upholding his moral character by being appalled by the felicitations to such a crime and making sure everyone in the news knew exactly how big the stick up his ass really was.
Anyway, here's a video of the couple coming out of the bathroom stall.