Hot Buttered V-JayJays - EthiopiaThere is a little-known practice found in Ethiopian salons. Women are given a 45 minute massage head to toe, using butter as the massaging medium. Butter is also applied everywhere, from toe to scalp. Plastic bags are put over the hands and feet, and the guest is given a large chunk of butter to spread over her lady parts.
Then she is led to a room with a long row of toilets and smoke holes.
The woman sits on the toilet with her legs as far apart as possible, with her hoo-ha positioned over the smoke hole. Three heavy blankets are thrown over her so that no smoke escapes. And she'll sit like that until all of the butter is melted, and she has become a giant steaming yam.
The idea is to tighten up the vaginal muscles post-pregnancy, and perhaps your partner prefers butter on their muffins. No word on cost, except some modesty, dignity and several tubs of Blue Bonnet.
It's an honorable effort that you might call crazy, but here in America, we have been known to vajazz and tell.
Gargling Portuguese Urine - RomeThis one's a little more ancient.
When Marc Antony wooed Cleopatra, when Julius Cesar made a speech, when Ben Hur rode his mighty chariot, they all participated in a sacred ritual that continues today: they gargled. While that deserves a mighty huzzah, bear in mind they weren't swishing Scope.
To improve the color of their teeth and freshen their breath, Romans imported and swilled Portuguese urine. Apparently, the Portuguese pH was much more divine and manly than mellow Roman yellow. While obviously unpleasant, urine contains several compounds like ammonia and urea that actually kill germs and help fight the gum disease gingivitis. No price listed, but I'd imagine you can just hop down to Portugal and swap a box of donuts for a bottle of urine.
Urine is 95% water, with the other 5% comprising of salts, minerals and nitrogen. Hmmm... perhaps the Romans were hoping to blast the plaque off their teeth, as urine was also used to make gunpowder.
Either way, I wouldn't recommend swishing your pee around in your mouth - even if it is free. There's a reason your body expels it.
Platza Bath - RussiaMore accurately called "platza," these baths are available in New York for $44 per session.
Clients are free to steam in a warm room, most rooms being co-ed, either half or completely naked. Once they've sweated enough liquid to fill the Grand Canyon, they are then led into a stone room which is outfitted with faucets and a bench. The client lays face down on the bench (or rubber mattress) and an ice-cold cloth is placed over their head, sealing out what's about to come next.
Two large men then proceed to beat you with oak leaves that have been soaked in olive oil. Intermittently, you are bathed in soap and hot water. Soap, beat, rinse, repeat - you are the equivalent of human laundry. About 30 minutes of this goes on, while your "beaters" regularly drench themselves with buckets of ice cold water.
After your bath & beating, your 100+ temperature body is doused with ice-cold water. From there you are led into a cool-down room to relax. If you're lucky, you'll walk out.
Ambergris - New ZealandAmbergris – sounds like my mom’s fruit salad on Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, the truth is a lot less sweet.
"Gris" is a solid waxy substance originating in the intestine of the sperm whale. When the sperm whale has a bowel moment, the ambergris is usually expelled through the rectum. The chunks float onto the surface of the sea, where the sun sterilizes and cooks them. Ambergris floats and washes ashore most frequently on the coasts of China, Japan, Africa, the Americas and on tropical islands such as the Bahamas.
In Eastern cultures, ambergris is used for medicines and potions and as a spice; in the West it was used to stabilize the scent of fine perfumes.
No word on the cost of whale vomit or diarrhea, but maybe soon. Fingers crossed.
Ewe Placenta - MalaysiaSimilar to the idea and nutrients of pig placenta, EMK Placental has brewed up an entire range of products from post-natal tissue—including facial masks, eye gels, and hair serums—that celebs like Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria and Madonnaare rumored to partake in.
The cost for your basic face cream starts at $90 and goes up from there. Source: EMKPlacental.com (If you want to save money, try lowyat.net. Their cost is 20 MR (Malaysian ringgit) or $6 USD per packet.)
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