- 6Of course Quagmire is on this freaking list.
Glenn Quagmire is the resident sexual pervert of Quahog, the fictional Rhode Island town where the fictional cast of Family Guy lives. He basically takes the role of that guy in college who always used to get laid even though his hair was weird, and brings it to a whole new level.
Quagmire will do just about anything to get laid, as you'll see in the embedded video compilation, and has absolutely no shame about anything he does -- which is why he's awesome.
But from a sexual aggression standpoint, Quagmire can't wait til every 16-year-old is 18 and comes on to just about every single imaginable person on the show who happens to look normal enough and have a vagina. Even Meg, the "grossest" character on the show who is always, distractingly, voiced by Mila Kunis (of That 70s Show and your fantasies.)
Embedded here is a great video compilation of why he belongs on this list and why he's one of the funniest cartoon characters of all time as well.
- 7Bluto is Popeye's arch nemesis for a reason (other than the fact that he grows facial hair, but Popeye can't seem to): Bluto is in love with Olive Oyl, a woman that they're both in love with, but has the body of a Gumby character and has little to no redeeming intellectual qualities.
Bluto (as seen in this video where he -- as "Sinbad" -- kidnaps Olive Oyl for his own nefarious needs) is not only pining after Olive Oyl in a completely unrequited manner, but he's doing so while trying to kill the man (Popeye) that she's truly in love with.
Bluto asserts himself as a predator by constantly foiling the object of the woman he loves's affection and forcing himself on her with the hopes that, as a lot of the characters on this list do, "she'll come around".
In this full episode of Popeye on YouTube (in multiple parts), Bluto takes Olive Oyl away unwillingly so that she can be his bride.
Any plot where the bad guy's goal is to get a freakin bride is a plot where the main villain is more than just a jerk who wants to kill everyone you know and love including you, it's a plot where there's a dude who will bang the crap out of any girl/person you hold dear.
Bluto is the worst kind of villain for these reasons, and because he has a lot of facial hair (which adds to how uncomfortable it would be to get "intimate" with him.
- 8Edna Krabappel is a tragic sexual figure in The Simpsons' lore. That's right, "lore".
So, here's a video of her exerting her sexual prowess on a crowd of unsuspecting families. Enjoy.
She is basically the sex-hungry middle-aged woman who has nothing but heart-breaks and unrequited love to go home to (that and maybe the whiskey that she keeps in her desk at Springfield Elementary).
When she's not being a living tragedy, though, she's coming onto men much younger than her and way out of her league as they give her looks that imply that not only are they (hesitantly) willing, but that they are going to be almost forced into it.
The allure of Edna Krabbapel lies in that she's an older woman who's not TERRIBLE looking, but has a lot of experience. This basically means that any guy will do whatever she wants, but will not tell anyone they know about it... which is DIRECTLY influenced by how strongly she comes onto anyone attractive who happens to be in the room, making her an incredibly sexually aggressive character that really almost always gets what she wants... except when it comes to the whole "committed relationship" thing.
- 9The villain in the movie Aladdin, Jafar spends the entire movie trying to marry Princess Jasmine (who, after watching this video, actually kind of looks like a Kardashian) against her will. As one of the most iconic villains of animated film, Jafar commands a presence of high sorcery and extreme power... until he's foiled by our heroes. But before then, he dresses Jasmine up in an almost Slave-Leia-esque outfit that showcases her body and makes her take up a little bit of Stockholm Syndrome to trick him into letting Aladdin take back the power (the lamp) and save the day.
Jafar's entire goal is to marry Jasmine in order to become the Prince and later, of course, the Sultan (although few people could imagine the jolly fat guy in this classic Disney cartoon pillaging villages and countrysides to gain political/financial/military control of them). So, as a sexual cartoon character, he doesn't care about consent as much as he does social obligation and stature. But he will more than gladly take that whole physical part from Jasmine, so by using other worldly powers and horrible schemes to get his way in marriage, Jafar becomes one of the most horribly aggressive (with the use of evil sorcery and a Gilbert Godfriend parrot) cartoon characters in recent history.
Who wants to get with a guy that wears that kind of hat anyway? I mean, there's a reason The Pope is single, right (other than the fact that he has to be)?... No?... Anybody?....
- 10If there's anyone on this list who doesn't have a clue, it's Gaston. Gaston is the Zapp Brannigan of Disney cartoons (read: biggest douche) and is so aggressive in his need to court/bed Belle (who could blame him, actually), that he even becomes the primary antagonist in this otherwise complex and sobering love story about a woman overcoming what she sees as attractive and right and falling for a man she thinks she can change. Why is it a fairy tale? Because she actually changes him.
Gaston's oblivious nature causes him to do things like stalk Belle (as seen in this video) in a way that would get him a restraining order in this day and age and then sing songs about her, followed by, of course, a proposal for marriage (even though she is CLEARLY not interested).
Gaston not only hits on other women all the time, but is used to uninhibited attention from women... why? Because he's actually a pretty good-looking guy, so after she denies him, he keeps going after the one thing he knows he can't have. After pulling the total Hail Mary he did by asking her to marry him, he finds her, finds the dude she ACTUALLY falls in love with and, as we learned from Bluto, does one of the creepiest, most forward things that a guy can do: tries to kill the guy who his love interest is in love with (which is pretty Lex Luthor of him).
Gaston is kind of a funny character in the movie, but how strongly he pushes himself on our main character (who mostly wants to be left alone) is appalling enough to make the list.
If you're a guy, though, raise your hand if you WOULDN'T want to be him. Triplets? Yes, please.
items 6 - 10 of 13
got a blog or website?
iPad users, go Landscape for the best experience!