Fox News Hears About Aliens, Sees Dollar Signs, Says Sure
After that last article I wrote about TV channels that don't do what they say, I noticed that some idiots in the comment section got a little bit rambunctious* about the inclusion of Fox News. I realize that I may have offended some people, and that maybe I need to up the ante on my research, so I scoured the depths of the Internet to see if I could find some shred of evidence that they are a legitimate news organization. Instead, I found this article from 2011 claiming that aliens are real.
Of course the story is nonsense, and your first hint should've been the people reporting it. Dr. Hoover, the scientist in question, has basically been on an alien-discovering-bender since at least 2004, when he claimed to have discovered the very same alien. In 2007, he made another claim about – wait, no. It's the exact same claim, the one that had already been debunked. Given this guy's ego, total inability to learn from mistakes, and obsessive faith in ideas that anyone with a third grade education knows is total nonsense, it looks like Dr. Hoover is the Fox News of science.
Frankly, Fox should've been a little suspicious when someone was offering to give them an exclusive on a science story, when they're forte has always been profiting from the racism of their audience.
*I'm just kidding, of course. I don't read the f--king comment section.
NASA STS-75 Tether IncidentIn February of 1996, while you and your ilk were listening to your grunge music and waving your hair around like you didn't care and not showering and having lots of awesome sex, some of us were at work. Space work.
Okay so, I say "us," but I really mean "other people," because I was right there with you guys and the not showering. But miles above us, in space, NASA was experimenting with different techniques for generating electricity using Earth's gravitational field, and in the middle of one of those experiments this video was shot.
Now if you watched that, I'm sorry, because it's pretty goddamn boring. But if you watched it while being an idiot, then hey! Aliens! Right? Did you see the aliens?
Do you see the goddamn aliens?
Of course you don't, they're just bits of ice and fishing line. If you need a video to explain that to you, then here you go.
The Face on the Surface of MarsIn 2004 when the Mars Rover sent back a bunch of pictures of Mars, some people claimed to have seen some Martian Tools and even a model of a face:
Of course, you probably see it too – I sure do. The concept is called "pareidolia," and it's the psychological phenomenon where people project images they're familiar (particularly faces) with over anything that even vaguely resembles it.
Later images showed that the details of the face were just a strange coincidence with lighting and shadows.
UFO Missile LaunchWhile serving the United States Air Force as Officer in Charge of Optical Instrumentation in 1964, Professor Bob Jacobs and a few other members of the military were overseeing a ballistic missile test in California, when something they couldn't identify appeared and using a "plasma laser," knocked the missile out of the sky. According to them, they were asked to keep quiet about the event and did so for 18 years before finally appearing on "Larry King Live" to discuss the incident.
Unfortunately, on the opposite side of this debate was none-other than Bill Nye, the Science Guy.
The Lord of the Dance.
In this ten minute segment, Nye fights through the over-sensitive rationalizing of the UFO believers and Larry King's controversial "I am a crazy person" interviewing style to lend a skeptic's eye to the whole situation, while Bob Jacobs continually reminds the viewers that he has a PhD. He also calls Nye "pal" a lot.
In the end, no one objectively comes out on top (unless you already have strong opinions on whether UFOs exist, you're not going to be convinced by either side's argument for this specific incident), but I'm gonna go ahead and call Nye the winner here because he's the only person talking who doesn't come off as a senile prick.
Oh, and Jacobs' PhD? It's in Dramatic Art.
The Dead Russian Alien
In 2011 in Siberia, a man showed a video to a local newspaper that he claimed to show the recently deceased body of an alien. The video promptly went viral, and the police were brought in to investigate.
Of course, as you have probably already assumed, it was quickly discovered to be fake: the alien corpse was actually just chicken skin stuffed with bread. But on the other hand, the youtube commenters seem convinced that this is actually real, so I just don't know what to believe anymore.
When Billy Meier was just five years old, he encountered aliens for the first time: a Pleiadian named Sfath guided him for eleven years, explaining various mysteries of life until he died and was replaced by a woman named Asket. Later, Billy met Aemjase, the granddaughter of Sfath, who began warning Billy of an impending World War 3.
This is what Billy looks like, by the way.
To be fair, these aren't just aliens – they're time traveling aliens. Pleidians come from the Pljares star system that only exists one fraction of a second in the future. Also, Jesus is a Pleidian, which explains a lot, huh? This story is kinda my favorite.
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