video games The 12 Most WTF Fighting Games of All Time

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After Street Fighter made it big, the gaming industry decided to pump out fighting game after fighting game that appealed to either complete weirdos or, more often, nobody. These fighting games are weird, awful, strange and just plain absurd. Why were they made? I have no idea, but since they were, let's take a walk down the crazy side of the weirdest/worst fighting games of all time.

What are the worst fighting games? There are some pretty bad video games on this list, and deservedly so. You wonder what the gamemakers were thinking when they made these games, but hey nobody is perfect, right?

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Yes, there was a fighting game based on the television show Xena Warrior Princess. Because at that point in pop culture entertainment, why the hell not?

The plot was the basic tournament to the death to get something powerful, thing.

Few things in the world inspired as much ridicule as owning this game did.


The most notable difference between this, and other fighters at the time was that it allowed up to 4 players fight at once instead of the normal 1 on 1.

Amorphous Muscle Mass 1 vs. Amorphous Muscle Mass 2: FIGHT!


It's just stupid that there was even anytime spent on this concept to begin with.
see more on Xena: Warrior Princess: The Talisman of Fate
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Rise of the Robots


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Back when the graphics from "Lawnmower Man" were the most amazing thing that we had ever seen, "Rise" was released boasting the same type of graphics.

To be fair, it looked great at the time. The only problem was that its controls felt like you were driving a go cart in the Indy 500.

The basic premise was that an evil nano virus had made all the robots evil, except for one, and he has to save humanity by fighting other robots. Which doesn't make sense. Is one robot really stronger than every human ever, combined ?

It's not that weird, Spider-Man-y, naked-Blue-Man-Group-Member guy's fault that he wasn't turned evil. Also, if just this one guy can take on all those robots, why is he the strongest robot?

Either way, this game makes no sense except for the fact that it's a fighting game. A really slow, wannabe-revolutionary fighting game.

BONUS LAMENESS: The main boss's name: The Supervisor.

Also Ranked

#44 on The Best Robot Video Games of All Time

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Shaq Fu


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Made during the, "Let's put Shaq in EVERYTHING!" era, this game was probably the worst thing to ever happen to the Shaq brand. (And yes, I am including Shazam.)

Based on the classic Mortal Kombat format, the game featured a progression through a world where Shaq could hurt people with his magic flaming basketball which, if you're good enough at basketball, anyone can achieve.

Possibly the best thing about this game is the fact that Shaq towers over everyone, just like in real life. The worst thing about it? That it was made at all. The second worst part? Everything about the game.

Shaquille O'Neal casually wanders into a Kung Fu dojo on his way to a charity basketball game in Tokyo, Japan where, after speaking with a kung fu master, he stumbles into another dimension where he's got to rescue a boy named Nezu from an evil mummy. All of these things makes sense because the game is set in Asia. If you disrespectfully wander into a place of study of the martial arts, naturally the man with the highest level of skill will want to talk to you and then send you into another dimension to be a hero using only the main tool you use in your profession (only on fire). Duh.

This game could have been at least guilty-pleasure-worthy if it handled well, but Shaq's limbs are so long throughout every fight, that you're struggling with your basic depth perception, and have to get far away from your enemies just to hit them.

Shaq Fu is more insulting than the fact that somewhere, someone out there thought that this was a good idea for game.

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Buchigire Kongou: Battle Construction Vehicles


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Remember when you were a kid and you loved playing with Tonka trucks?

This game satisfies that need we all have of making a bulldozer and a crane fight each other.

Seriously, why not just get out and fight?


Was there a plot? Kind of. Did that plot involve a bunch of Japanese dudes getting pissed at each other and trying to settle their differences with violence using primarily the most inconvenient, unmovable and clumsy machines known to man? Yes.

Kongou is our main character. A young man who wants to live his life and refuses to follow in his father's footsteps.

"I don't want, your crane."


One day, Kongou is chased to the roof of a building in a construction vehicle, where he must fight another guy in, you guessed it, a construction vehicle. Kongou wins and decides he likes kicking ass while wasting gas, then sets out on a "journey" to recreate this absurd act, therefore creating one of the mos frustrating fighting games in the history of man.

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There have been many crappy Star Wars games out there, but this is the big daddy of them all. Arguably the worst, most tasteless and ill-conceived one.

Taking a page out of the parts of Soul Caliber that don't make sense, SW:MoTK is a standard fighting/weapons game. The big difference was that you could play as Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker in a fighting game for the first time ever !

Of course, it says a lot about a game when you would rather play as a Wookie rather than a Jedi. Seriously, if it ever came down to it, a Wookie wouldn't stand a chance against a Jedi. I mean, with the force and a lightsaber by their side, there's really no reason to let the Wookie win.

Seriously, though, if it really took several hits from a lightsaber to gently push a Tusken Raider off a platform, I would reconsider being part of the Jedi order altogether. Luke should be able to saw these guys in half at the blink of an eye.

The whole game is just conceptually absurd.

Because there's nothing that Tusken Raiders enjoy more than going 1-on-1 with Jedi in the middle of Hoth.


If you can play as a Jedi, it shouldn't be a tournament, it should be a slaughter!

Also Ranked

#70 on The Best Star Wars Video Games

see more on Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi
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ClayFighter


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Clayfighter was a straight Street Fighter 2 rip off, but it used pseudo-claymation style graphics instead of your average pixelated, over-muscled heroes. Instead, we got nightmarish, clay versions of things like Frosty the Snowman (lazily named "Bad Mr. Frosty" -- who was cool looking, but slow), Blob and Taffy (you can imagine what each of these characters actually looks like).

The plot was, and yes, there is a "plot", that a clay meteor lands at a circus transforming all the performers into clay versions of themselves with super powers. That being said, I have never been to a circus where the main act was a snowman, but I digress.

For the time, the graphics were pretty "amazing". I remember looking at the box and thinking "woah, 3D games! Wicked!" (you were, also, not a cool kid.)

That coupled with pretty good controls and a catchy theme song makes this probably the best game on the list, which really, doesn't say a lot. Well, nothing positive, at least.

Also Ranked

#53 on The Best Super Nintendo (SNES) Games

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Chō Aniki: Bakuretsu Rantō Hen


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Chō Aniki is a game series from Japan that roughly translates as: Super Big Brothers, which is absolutely horrifying. The basic layout of the game is that you play as a super large, muscular dude in various states of undress that fights off other, equally flamboyant dudes who throw stuff like d***os at you.

What young child wouldn't want Cho Aniki to play with all his other friends?

Bakuretsu Rantō Hen is different from the other games in the series since it is purely a fighting game. The list of characters is what really makes this game insane.

You have Samson and Adon, the mostly naked muscle men who are the main characters from the other games.

Benten is a green haired girl flanked by 2 sexy cherubs.

Nothing sexier than baby bodies and man heads.


Then it gets weird.

Sabu is some sort of flying Elvis Presley pogoda ship.
 
"I'm all-a-lubed up, uh-uh huh..."


Adam is a naked guy riding around in the moon

"You guyth, I'm too tired to fight."

and then you have Mami 19, a flying battleship that is part female and piloted by 3 naked guys.


"You take starboard and we'll handle the port. God, help you.


The fighting is pretty straight forward, though you are flying so you aren't bothered by pesky gravity. What really makes this game a winner though is the special moves, and boy, are they special. For instance Samson not only sparkles and dances like a leather daddy at Fire Island, but he also can lay waste to his opponents with his, well, I can only imagine that they are farts.

Mami 19 gets help from her 3 naked men for devastating grapple moves, and Benten attacks with her babies -- like ya do.


All of this includes a level design that can only be described as "Tim Gunn's worst/best dream come true".

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And in yet another way for perverts to manipulate hot chicks in the only way they'll ever be able to in real life, we get Bikini Karate Babes.

Because there's nothing more Karate than bikinis.

This game was basically a Dead or Alive game, only with the Mortal Kombat, real-human capture going for it.

There is no way around saying that this is just a Skin-e-max rip off of Mortal Kombat.


Shiny bikinis = battle gear for the new millenium


It features a full roster of, what I can only imagine are budding young actresses eager for their big break. (It wasn't this.)

Ugh. These look like the signs on that street in Tokyo that was awkward to walk down with my parents.


All the characters are digitized, like in Mortal Kombat, and the score is basically an elevator music version of the MK soundtrack.

There are some interesting differences though.

While they do have grapples and special moves, instead of it being a smooth graphic, the game designers chose to put in a jarring FMV cut scene of the girls performing the move.


"C'mon Nancy, you're too drunk for this, let's go home"


Also, while there are not fatalities in this, each of the girls have a fun touchdown dance that you could probably see at the cheesiest strip club in your town.

"Trust me, sweetheart, you're gonna be a star!"


All this being said, I think the game would have probably been better if it was designed with one-handed controls, as this is, sadly, what most people want to do with games like this.

(Please note that there was a sequel made too. Bikini Karate Babes 2: Warriors of Elysia. It is important that you know this, because if you talk about a game like Bikini Karate Babes, someone will inevitably ask the question "oh my God, that sounds great, is there a sequel?")
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