Chō Aniki: Bakuretsu Rantō HenChō Aniki is a game series from Japan that roughly translates as: Super Big Brothers, which is absolutely horrifying. The basic layout of the game is that you play as a super large, muscular dude in various states of undress that fights off other, equally flamboyant dudes who throw stuff like d***os at you.BUY @ amazon
What young child wouldn't want Cho Aniki to play with all his other friends?
Bakuretsu Rantō Hen is different from the other games in the series since it is purely a fighting game. The list of characters is what really makes this game insane.
You have Samson and Adon, the mostly naked muscle men who are the main characters from the other games.
Benten is a green haired girl flanked by 2 sexy cherubs.
Nothing sexier than baby bodies and man heads.
Then it gets weird.
Sabu is some sort of flying Elvis Presley pogoda ship.
"I'm all-a-lubed up, uh-uh huh..."
Adam is a naked guy riding around in the moon
"You guyth, I'm too tired to fight."
and then you have Mami 19, a flying battleship that is part female and piloted by 3 naked guys.
"You take starboard and we'll handle the port. God, help you.
The fighting is pretty straight forward, though you are flying so you aren't bothered by pesky gravity. What really makes this game a winner though is the special moves, and boy, are they special. For instance Samson not only sparkles and dances like a leather daddy at Fire Island, but he also can lay waste to his opponents with his, well, I can only imagine that they are farts.
Mami 19 gets help from her 3 naked men for devastating grapple moves, and Benten attacks with her babies -- like ya do.
All of this includes a level design that can only be described as "Tim Gunn's worst/best dream come true".
- 7And in yet another way for perverts to manipulate hot chicks in the only way they'll ever be able to in real life, we get Bikini Karate Babes.BUY @ amazon
Because there's nothing more Karate than bikinis.
This game was basically a Dead or Alive game, only with the Mortal Kombat, real-human capture going for it.
There is no way around saying that this is just a Skin-e-max rip off of Mortal Kombat.
Shiny bikinis = battle gear for the new millenium
It features a full roster of, what I can only imagine are budding young actresses eager for their big break. (It wasn't this.)
Ugh. These look like the signs on that street in Tokyo that was awkward to walk down with my parents.
All the characters are digitized, like in Mortal Kombat, and the score is basically an elevator music version of the MK soundtrack.
There are some interesting differences though.
While they do have grapples and special moves, instead of it being a smooth graphic, the game designers chose to put in a jarring FMV cut scene of the girls performing the move.
"C'mon Nancy, you're too drunk for this, let's go home"
Also, while there are not fatalities in this, each of the girls have a fun touchdown dance that you could probably see at the cheesiest strip club in your town.
"Trust me, sweetheart, you're gonna be a star!"
All this being said, I think the game would have probably been better if it was designed with one-handed controls, as this is, sadly, what most people want to do with games like this.
(Please note that there was a sequel made too. Bikini Karate Babes 2: Warriors of Elysia. It is important that you know this, because if you talk about a game like Bikini Karate Babes, someone will inevitably ask the question "oh my God, that sounds great, is there a sequel?")
- 8This game just falls under the "Why?" catagory, along with all the Mary Kate and Ashley mystery games.BUY @ amazon
Yes, they are always fighting anyway. Yes, they are cartoons and nothing is more fun than toon-on-toon violence, but seriously, there was just no reason for this game to get made.
It's like the show, only more work.
There really is no plot besides the whole, "They are cat and mouse and boy, do they not get along!" thing that these two have had going on since the 1940's.
Only one will remain.
You can play as the angry bulldog though... so that's a plus. Other than that, it's just two players. Tom fighting Jerry. Yep.
The worst part about this is that you know some poor kids got this game instead of Mortal Kombat or a new Street Fighter for Christmas one year. "This is the one you wanted, right honey?" "Yes, mom. This is the one." Yes, #firstworldproblelms, but when every single move that either character makes lets out an annoying "boing!" sound, you know you have a game that will lead to therapy 20 years down the road.
Also, they have life meters in this game. Are we supposed to be forcing Tom & Jerry to fight to the death once and for all in this game? Fail.
- 9You might remember the catchphrase of Ballz: "To be the champion, you gotta have Ballz!".BUY @ amazon
Ok, you probably don't remember it. And you probably don't need ballz to be a champion. That's kind of sexist, come to think about it...
Ballz was a 2D fighting game that really tried to add that extra dimension. Graphically similar to Vectorman , Ballz used a bunch of spheres to simulate 3D. Just not well. At all.
The characters were interesting. You had a clown, a monkey, a bodybuilder etc. Since they were all strictly made up off shiny balls, you really couldn't tell the difference between them all. Just differing numbers of stuck-together balls, fighting to the ball-death.
You pretty much could get the same experience by having a clown make a few balloon animals for you and making them fight. At least then you'd get a surprise pop here and there and be able to feel some excitement.
Who thought of this? A really, really lazy designer, that's who. "So, uh, what do you guys want to do with all these character models? Like, what kind of game can we make out of these?" "F*ck it, let's just use these things and make them fight or something, people won't care." "What should we call it?" "I've got just the name... .
And yes, this is how video games are made.
- 10Yes, there was a fighting game based on the television show Xena Warrior Princess. Because at that point in pop culture entertainment, why the hell not?BUY @ amazon
The plot was the basic tournament to the death to get something powerful, thing.
Few things in the world inspired as much ridicule as owning this game did.
The most notable difference between this, and other fighters at the time was that it allowed up to 4 players fight at once instead of the normal 1 on 1.
Amorphous Muscle Mass 1 vs. Amorphous Muscle Mass 2: FIGHT!
It's just stupid that there was even anytime spent on this concept to begin with.
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