The 13 Porn Parodies Humanity Really Didn't Need By IHateEverything [37 more lists]

The following completely unnecessary (and yes, there's such a thing as a necessary porn parody) porn parodies are complete abominations that really, nobody needed to see. porn parodies serve one of two purposes: to make us laugh while still showing us some awesome sex while the stars actually have a blast dressing up, and to fulfill our undercultivated fantasies we've had about characters that would NEVER have sex in their real shows. These parodies violate ALL of that and more (including, of course, our dreams, sensibilities and limits).

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13

The Human Sexipede

So, this trailer is, needless to say, more SFW than the Human Centipede's REAL trailer, but still, I wouldn't open it at work.

'The Human Sexipede' porn Parody of 'Human Centipede' - Watch more horror

Based on: The Human Centipede (one of the biggest recent cult movies about a guy who kidnaps three people and surgically binds them together into one, crawling ""being"" so that when the one in the front eats, the one in the back poops... I know... I know.)

Nobody walked out of The Human Centipede thinking ""hmmm, well this was pretty sexy, what would happen if all of them were having sex instead?"" I mean sure, the whole movie looks like these people are in one, long sex position, but did we really need a porn parody of this?

I mean, the people are naked pretty much the entire movie, they're put through hell and back, and the main guy's character arc works in a way that if you were to make him take advantage of them sexually, it would just cheapen his psychosis. He's that crazy. So, in the context of the real film itself, the last thing that the world needed was 1, a reminder that the movie was ever made and 2, a porn parody for people to associate sex with sewing people's mouths to other people's inner organs.

(Either way, this porn parody was actually pretty well-reviewed and if there's any single one to watch on this entire list, it's this one.)

This list only gets worse and worse, until the third page, so hold onto your butts and have fun.
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12

Tru: A XXX Parody

Based on: True Blood

One of the great things about True Blood, the real show, is that most of the characters have already had pretty explicit sex with one another. There’s been a town-sized orgy, for God's sake and there’s even been some same sex coupling going on, which raises this question: Where does that leave any room for a porn parody?

So what if they don’t show off the actual penetration; does that warrant a whole movie created with worse actors and production values just to see Sookie’s more Southern naughty bits? porn parodies are all about the fantasy of fictionalized characters having sex who normally wouldn’t or couldn’t, but this just plays out like a retread of what’s already gone down in the town of Bon Temp with severely worse cinematography which, I know, I know, is really the most important part of pornography in general.

But seriously, what characters haven't banged on the real show already that we've want to see bang (or aren't going to see in Season four)?

This is TRUly one of the most needless money grabs porn has ever done. And we all know that porn isn't for the money, it's for the art...
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11

Roseanne: The XXX parody

Based on: Roseanne

Unless you watch Jerry Springer one-handed, I have absolutely no idea why you would buy, or even consider watching this for free.

‘The Roseanne Show’ was all about the togetherness of a dysfunctional white trash family and their many ups and downs, none of which have any sexual appeal whatsoever (unless you’re into loud, fat, annoying women, and unless you're Tom Arnold... oh God, there's a thought, I wonder if Tom Arnold has bought and used this... you're welcome for that one).

The Roseanne porn parody features actors that are pretty damn close in body type and look to what the people were on the show.

And sure, the daughters on the show make for some great porn-bait, but the fact that the climactic scene involves what will basically end up sounding like two wet mattresses being slammed together, or what I can only imagine will look like two enormous king dinosaurs/mythical creatures fighting over a piece of dead meat, makes it so that I have absolutely no idea why you would even consider watching this. And hey, maybe it's for the same reason you click on things on the internet, maybe it's your morbid curiosity, but just like videos of turtles having sex with shoes, the world didn't really need this... did we?

Let's do this, Dan.
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10

Simpsons: The XXX Parody

Based on: The Simpsons

2010 brought us one of the most amazing porn parodies of all time with ‘Avatar XXX’, but for every yin, there must be a horribly disturbing yang, so Full Spread Entertainment decided to come out with ‘Simpsons: the XXX Parody’.

First of all, gross. Sure, there’s always been Rule #34 porn of The Simpsons on the web, but they were always drawings or crude animations, so while it was really awkward to say the least, it was in the same medium as the original. It was a cartoon. And for anyone that wants to see porn of The Simpsons, the cartoon version was really the greatest and closest you can get to a direct porn of what apparently turns you on.

This movie parody, on the other hand, puts all the characters you know in the yellow painted flesh, which ends up making it look like the entire cast is suffering from liver failure and has days, no, minutes to live.

People waited for over a decade for the Simpsons to finally hit the big screen, but I don’t think anyone in their right mind was sitting around with baited breath for this to ooze up from the cracks. And anyone who did has already been using the internet's unique brand of millions of pictures of everything from Bart & Lisa banging, to the insane images of Marge finally getting tied up by Moe while Carl and Lenny laugh/watch.

God, I spend way too much time on the internet...

Anyway, on the one bright side, the producers are obviously fans of the show, with their inclusion of such side characters as McBain and Cookie Kwan (#1 on the West side), so there’s that to look forward to (as well as the Tom Hanks of porn Evan Stone as McBain himself).

*shiver*

Most disappointingly omitted reference:

Feels like wearing nothing at all... nothing at all...
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9

Sex and the City: The Original XXX Parody

Based on: Sex and the City

Making heterosexual male-audience porn out of a show beloved by women and fashion designers is like making the ultimate summer blockbuster for Helen Keller. The show's audience won’t watch the porn, and the porn’s audience has no connection with the show, thus creating a vacuum of interest.

The funniest thing is that the porn actually tries to put a coherent story together (at least in the trailer) but, again, no guy is going to care about any of that when he’s grabbing for the baby oil. Maybe more guys would watch the show if the lead was really that hot.

The one kind of funny part about this parody is the way they make fun of the imperfections of the real show, and, if you watch this trailer, every single line that comes out of the ""Samantha"" character's mouth in this parody are exactly, if not world's better, than the ones in the actual show. Not... that... I would know....
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8

TMSleaze

Based on: TMZ (Thirty Mile Zone and yes, that's what that stands for, it's the 30-mile radius in Los Angeles where studios can shoot ""locally"", and where a lot of celebrities live.)

You want to see Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt having sex? If they showed them getting slowly skinned alive, that would be more worthwhile.

Oh, but how about two porn star look-alikes? Would you watch them have sex? It'd be like regular porn, only with (crappy) wigs.

We, as a society, even when they were at the forefront of their fame, barely gave two sh*ts about these D-level celebri-taints in the first place, so why would someone want to watch barely-look-alikes of them going at it when there’s plenty of legit celebrity sex tapes to keep you occupied?

‘TMSleaze’ is the sorriest excuse of a skeletal framing device for such a showcase of nontalent since the latest season of ‘Dancing with the Stars’, which, btw, will most likely become its own porn parody soon enough, if it isn't already.
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7

This Aint Dirty Jobs XXX

Based on: Dirty Jobs (they show where the guy goes to the dirtiest jobs in America, chronicling what it's like to be the employees at said jobs.)

Nothing says "ripe for porn spoof" more than a guy cleaning up piles of elephant sh*t and crawling through clogged sewer pipes, so abra-kadabara, here is ‘This Ain’t Dirty Jobs XXX’ to fill that void. You're welcome, Germany.

Unless you are part of a very minor fetish, it is assured that there is no way to find ANYTHING sexy about Mike Rowe’s hunt for the most disgusting careers, along with the fact that there has never been a single attractive person on the show, ever, so it just can’t lend itself to the porn world without bending over backwards.

Something like: "This week we join Tiffany as she cleans up all these kiddy pools full of (we hope) chocolate pudding".

The only shining light here is that pornstar extraordinaire and all around awesome guy who makes any porn parody funny, Evan Stone, is in this. The blurb for this parody reads: ""Go ahead! Grab a plunger, your favorite big bottle of lube, an axe, and let's not forget, a giant pooper scooper."

The actually-kind-of-cool part about this parody is that they take Dirty Jobs and do a staged version of the show... for the porn world. Which actually really isn't a horrible idea. It's just one that should probably include a lot less grossout humor than this porn parody apparently does. *Shiver*
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6

Entourage A XXX Parody

Based on: Entourage (an HBO show about guys who get laid all the time... and show it.)

When the pitch for ‘Entourage’ was originally set before HBO, it read something along the lines of "S**tty wannabe actor and his douchebag friends use semi-celebrity to score with hot chicks; oh, and Jeremy Piven yells a lot at his gay assistant all the time -- and guys will want to emulate it". The porn version is basically following a bunch of doucebags who wanted to be actors as they screw whores. Where’s the ingenuity?

On top of that, the show itself has actually been blessed with the presence of Sasha Grey herself (as herself), who gets naked and sexy on a regular basis. So what does the XXX version actually have that tops all that and a butt load of screaming orgasms from one of the greatest porn actresses of our time?

The work is already done, so really the porn is for those people who just can’t be satisfied with almost-vagina, and need a main character who makes an even less convincing ""super star"" than the guy on the show.

And on top of all of that, unlike pretty much every other porn parody in existence, this one's so close to the actual show, that if you just replaced the actors, it could probably actually be an episode of the show itself.
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5

Spunk'd: The Movie

Based on: Punk'd (that Ashton Kutcher show about playing pranks on celebrities)

‘Punk’d’ was barely a show in the first place, but now you can join your host, Ashley Butcher (see what they did there?), in the movie ‘Spunk’d, where practical jokes somehow turn into sexual situations very quickly and with very little motivation.

So really, who the hell asked for this? Like, who pitched this and thought it was a good idea? I mean, not only is this show old as hell (otherwise this rant would be going on the TMZ item), but it's not even conducive to people having sex. It's really quite a stretch. This is really the bottom of the barrel for ideas for porn parodies. It really is. I mean there are SO MANY other shows they could have taken care of first: Small Wonder, Land of the Lost, hell, even ALF. I'd rather see ALF than this. ALF. The cat-eating jokes alone would be worth it.
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4

This Aint Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX

""Larry!?""

Based on: Curb Your Enthusiasm (the Emmy nominated show on HBO starring the guy who created Seinfeld)

As seen in the regular show Curb Your Enthusiasm, nothing turns on the ladies quite like a nebbish, middle aged, balding Jew with a talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, so the porn version wouldn’t be at all like walking in on your grandfather with a prostitute, right?... Right?

No one asked for this, and now that ‘This Ain’t Curb… XXX’ is here and available, it just solidifies the idea that nothing is sacred, and just because you can, doesn’t always mean you should. T

What about the show ever makes you want Larry David having sex? What?

They even went so far as to make a false bald spot for the lead actor in the porn parody. And sure, we've all always wanted to see Cheryl Hines (the woman who plays Larry's wife for most of the show) naked, but seriously, not even hot porn star look-alike is able to draw the attention away from how opposite-of-sexy this entire thing looks. Seriously, WTF guys?
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3

The XXXorcist

Based on: The Exorcist (the film)

Not to be confused with the 1974 movie about a woman who investigates a devil cult, The Sexorcist, The XXXorcist is Burning Angel's answer to the scariest movie of all time, The Exorcist. The XXXorcist is about Father Merkin (the original film featured a Father Merrin, so hey, clever points) and his quest to save a young girl from being possessed by a demon. The only way to save the girl? Have sex with her, over and over and over again.

First of all, this movie scared the pants off of anyone who watched it when it came out in theatres (both times) enough to never want to see images even close to the movie ever again. Needless to say, when you've got scenes like this:

this:

and this:

(that is what you think it is, and yes, it's that sacrilegious)

... in the porn parody, you pretty much know that this is for a very, very specific audience.

Oh and, you know, the girl in the original Exorcist was what, 12? Yeah, those two things really make it so that even thinking about the context of the original film pretty much do the opposite of turn you on (unless you're part of the vomit-fetish, demon-worshipping Dateline NBC crowd, which hey, there should be at least 2 of you out there, statistically).

Link to the barely SFW trailer
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2

E.T. The Porn Parody

Based on: E.T. the Extra Terrestrial

So, who in their right mind would watch Steven Spielberg’s epic ode to intergalactic BFFs and say, "It was good… but I’d like to see it with 1000% more cross species f**king"? Why, the Germans, of course. Ladies and perverted gentlemen (or as some people say, ""gentlemen), behold ‘E.T. the porn Parody’, where a feminized adaptation of the alien comes down to earth to learn everything about the human experience... and I mean everything.

Only the Germans would think a creature that looks like Marty Feldman’s sister rolled in f***s is something you can get off to, but we all here in America think it’ll kill any (regular) guy's mood quicker than Elliot’s pot of flowers.

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1

Schindlers Lust

Remember one of the most disturbingly real portrayals of one of the most vile, tragic and disgusting periods in human history? Well apparently, someone saw that and thought ""eeeh, not enough sex."

Enter, Schindler's Lust

There's actually kind of a history to this one.

In the late 90s, Keith Crocker started to make a film entitled Schindler's Lust, somewhat in protest of people beginning to take everything too seriously. They were avengers of free speech, even at its most reprehensible and insensitive. The movie ran out of budget almost immediately, so they used footage from a previous film to create a 10 minute trailer for Schindler's Lust, a movie that was never quite finished, that ended up being the representation of what the film could have been.

It's shot in grainy black and white, so it looks like it's a lost wartime film, and it's also dubbed all by one guy, so it looks like it could have been originally in German. Interspliced with video of Nazi speeches, this film features a lot of the following:

They trap naked chicks and make them have sex with ape creatures. The ape creatures feed on the blood of the hot chicks. Scientists and Nazi officers go nuts performing ""experiments"" on various women in camps, intermixed with pictures of naked Nazi officers beating American soldiers to death..

""These are the things nightmares are made of..."" the creator said. Yes, yes they are.

I don't need to explain why this movie, a porn parody about the Holocaust, is 100% unnecessary, do I? The worst part about this is that it could easily have been something truly artistic that could have made some kind of ""statement"" about people taking things too seriously, or what have you, but the execution (pun intended) just wasn't there.

It looked like a student film made by high schoolers, or middle schoolers with deep voices (and access to naked women, and a porn budget). It looks terrible, it's pointless and, most importantly (and unlike quite a few of the movies on this list), just was not funny.

Click here to watch the 5 minute Schindler's Lust that DID make it to some kind of cut and revel in the worst porn parody that was never made.
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