The 13 Porn Parodies Humanity Really Didn't Need Films
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The 13 Porn Parodies Humanity Really Didn't Need

The following completely unnecessary (and yes, there's such a thing as a necessary porn parody) porn parodies are complete abominations that really, nobody needed to see. porn parodies serve one of two purposes: to make us laugh while still showing us some awesome sex while the stars actually have a blast dressing up, and to fulfill our undercultivated fantasies we've had about characters that would NEVER have sex in their real shows. These parodies violate ALL of that and more (including, of course, our dreams, sensibilities and limits).

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  1. 7

    This Aint Dirty Jobs XXX



    Based on: Dirty Jobs (they show where the guy goes to the dirtiest jobs in America, chronicling what it's like to be the employees at said jobs.)

    Nothing says "ripe for porn spoof" more than a guy cleaning up piles of elephant sh*t and crawling through clogged sewer pipes, so abra-kadabara, here is ‘This Ain’t Dirty Jobs XXX’ to fill that void. You're welcome, Germany.

    Unless you are part of a very minor fetish, it is assured that there is no way to find ANYTHING sexy about Mike Rowe’s hunt for the most disgusting careers, along with the fact that there has never been a single attractive person on the show, ever, so it just can’t lend itself to the porn world without bending over backwards.

    Something like: "This week we join Tiffany as she cleans up all these kiddy pools full of (we hope) chocolate pudding".

    The only shining light here is that pornstar extraordinaire and all around awesome guy who makes any porn parody funny, Evan Stone, is in this. The blurb for this parody reads: "Go ahead! Grab a plunger, your favorite big bottle of lube, an axe, and let's not forget, a giant pooper scooper."

    The actually-kind-of-cool part about this parody is that they take Dirty Jobs and do a staged version of the show... for the porn world. Which actually really isn't a horrible idea. It's just one that should probably include a lot less grossout humor than this porn parody apparently does. *Shiver*
  2. 6

    Entourage A XXX Parody



    Based on: Entourage (an HBO show about guys who get laid all the time... and show it.)

    When the pitch for ‘Entourage’ was originally set before HBO, it read something along the lines of "S**tty wannabe actor and his douchebag friends use semi-celebrity to score with hot chicks; oh, and Jeremy Piven yells a lot at his gay assistant all the time -- and guys will want to emulate it". The porn version is basically following a bunch of doucebags who wanted to be actors as they screw whores. Where’s the ingenuity?

    On top of that, the show itself has actually been blessed with the presence of Sasha Grey herself (as herself), who gets naked and sexy on a regular basis. So what does the XXX version actually have that tops all that and a butt load of screaming orgasms from one of the greatest porn actresses of our time?

    The work is already done, so really the porn is for those people who just can’t be satisfied with almost-vagina, and need a main character who makes an even less convincing "super star" than the guy on the show.

    And on top of all of that, unlike pretty much every other porn parody in existence, this one's so close to the actual show, that if you just replaced the actors, it could probably actually be an episode of the show itself.
  3. 5

    Spunk'd: The Movie

    Based on: Punk'd (that Ashton Kutcher show about playing pranks on celebrities)

    ‘Punk’d’ was barely a show in the first place, but now you can join your host, Ashley Butcher (see what they did there?), in the movie ‘Spunk’d, where practical jokes somehow turn into sexual situations very quickly and with very little motivation.

    So really, who the hell asked for this? Like, who pitched this and thought it was a good idea? I mean, not only is this show old as hell (otherwise this rant would be going on the TMZ item), but it's not even conducive to people having sex. It's really quite a stretch. This is really the bottom of the barrel for ideas for porn parodies. It really is. I mean there are SO MANY other shows they could have taken care of first: Small Wonder, Land of the Lost, hell, even ALF. I'd rather see ALF than this. ALF. The cat-eating jokes alone would be worth it.
  4. 4

    This Aint Curb Your Enthusiasm XXX


    "Larry!?"


    Based on: Curb Your Enthusiasm (the Emmy nominated show on HBO starring the guy who created Seinfeld)

    As seen in the regular show Curb Your Enthusiasm, nothing turns on the ladies quite like a nebbish, middle aged, balding Jew with a talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, so the porn version wouldn’t be at all like walking in on your grandfather with a prostitute, right?... Right?

    No one asked for this, and now that ‘This Ain’t Curb… XXX’ is here and available, it just solidifies the idea that nothing is sacred, and just because you can, doesn’t always mean you should. T

    What about the show ever makes you want Larry David having sex? What?

    They even went so far as to make a false bald spot for the lead actor in the porn parody. And sure, we've all always wanted to see Cheryl Hines (the woman who plays Larry's wife for most of the show) naked, but seriously, not even hot porn star look-alike is able to draw the attention away from how opposite-of-sexy this entire thing looks. Seriously, WTF guys?
  5. 3

    The XXXorcist

    Based on: The Exorcist (the film)

    Not to be confused with the 1974 movie about a woman who investigates a devil cult, The Sexorcist, The XXXorcist is Burning Angel's answer to the scariest movie of all time, The Exorcist. The XXXorcist is about Father Merkin (the original film featured a Father Merrin, so hey, clever points) and his quest to save a young girl from being possessed by a demon. The only way to save the girl? Have sex with her, over and over and over again.

    First of all, this movie scared the pants off of anyone who watched it when it came out in theatres (both times) enough to never want to see images even close to the movie ever again. Needless to say, when you've got scenes like this:




    this:



    and this:


    (that is what you think it is, and yes, it's that sacrilegious)


    ... in the porn parody, you pretty much know that this is for a very, very specific audience.

    Oh and, you know, the girl in the original Exorcist was what, 12? Yeah, those two things really make it so that even thinking about the context of the original film pretty much do the opposite of turn you on (unless you're part of the vomit-fetish, demon-worshipping Dateline NBC crowd, which hey, there should be at least 2 of you out there, statistically).

    Link to the barely SFW trailer
  6. 2

    E.T. The Porn Parody



    Based on: E.T. the Extra Terrestrial

    So, who in their right mind would watch Steven Spielberg’s epic ode to intergalactic BFFs and say, "It was good… but I’d like to see it with 1000% more cross species f**king"? Why, the Germans, of course. Ladies and perverted gentlemen (or as some people say, "gentlemen), behold ‘E.T. the porn Parody’, where a feminized adaptation of the alien comes down to earth to learn everything about the human experience... and I mean everything.

    Only the Germans would think a creature that looks like Marty Feldman’s sister rolled in f***s is something you can get off to, but we all here in America think it’ll kill any (regular) guy's mood quicker than Elliot’s pot of flowers.

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