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- 9+ 650- 398The Movie
Blue Lagoon is a movie starring Brooke Shields, who you might know more recently as someone who had trouble loving her kids like a decade ago or as the star of that "Sex and the City" ripoff "Lipstick Jungle," which really sounds more like a weird dog-sex island.
That was dark. Moving on, she got naked when she was 12 in one of the most controversial nude scenes in film history in a movie called Pretty Baby (which later had to be cut because it was apparently pretty porny and gross). Which I guess is also pretty dark. So, keeping in line with the rest of her career, she made Blue Lagoon when she was like 15... ish? She was born in '65 and the movie came out in '80, so do that math.
Luckily, the pedophiles in Hollywood smartened up and used body doubles for her this time.
The actual plot of the movie is that some rich white people get shipwrecked and two of their kids (who aren't related) have to raise themselves from the age of, like, five. They start growing things in weird places, and stuff gets super awkward and kinky until they have a kid. They look at each other the whole time like they're on Molly and then the movie ends.
She pretty much spends the entire movie naked, topless, or barely wearing anything, which makes this movie super hot when you're nine and when you imagine yourself living on an island with a naked girl your entire life. It definitely made going to the beach with your family more... challenging.
Wait, nine? That seems young. Ten.
One of the only times you actually see a boob, it's a body double, but if you're a kid and watching this and don't know about the magic of movie boobs, then you're happy as a kid in a candystore where they are also showing this film. It's weird because the nudity happens when he takes her up to a rock and washes her boob for her while she looks at him, once again, like they're both on Molly. It's going to really do wonders for whichever '80s child becomes Brooke Shields's nurse when she's super old and needs sponge baths.
Hopefully, that happens for someone somewhere *gazes at the stars.*
Enjoy the scene.
- 10+ 777- 494The Movie
Blame It On Rio is about two really f*cking horrible guys who bring their insanely hot daughters (a young Demi Moore and Michelle Johnson) on a vacation to Rio de Janeiro with them. After they catch their daughters playing topless in the ocean, one dad gets super pissed and the other plays with them, ends up banging his friend's daughter –which is okay, because it turns out his friend was banging his wife the whole time. Demi Moore kind of stays out of the whole thing. The hot girl (Michelle Johnson) tries to kill herself by overdosing on birth control (which you can't even do) and everyone lives happily ever after.
A barely legal Michelle Johnson and a 22-year-old Demi Moore play on a beach topless and are then caught by their dads, but refuse to put their clothes back on. Whoever wrote this has some weird, awesome problems.
Check it out here.
- 11+ 617- 401The Movie
It's a Blue Lagoon ripoff, only instead of getting shipwrecked, Phoebe Cates and the guy escaped from white-slave agent who captures them. They then spend a lot of time being naked.
Phoebe Cates takes a shower in a waterfall and it looks exactly how it sounds like it would. You should watch it (the scene, the movie sucks).
- 12+ 520- 419The Movie
Molly Ringwald has a horrible time turning 16 because she wants too much out of life.
Molly Ringwald plus another person watch one of their classmates shower and talk about how hot she is. It's awesome and really comes out of nowhere in one of the best coming-of-age movies of all time, if you're into that kind of thing.
Check it out.
- 13+ 449- 394The Movie
Before Scott Baio was a punchline and/or Bob Loblaw, he starred in a movie that spoofs a bunch of really well known horror movies like Carrie, The Exorcist, and even some Star Trek. Scott Baio gets telekinetic powers after a lab accident (like ya do), and they use his powers to get back at their bullies and pull women's clothes off.
After the snobby hot girl of the school hits the powerful Scott Baio in the head with a watermelon at a school dance, he pulls her clothes off. Then he spends a few minutes pulling all the girls' clothes off. But then he goes for the dudes. And then some more girls. For no reason. And everyone's fine with it.
Zap to it here.
- 14+ 419- 384The Movie
Just One of the Guys is a film about a girl who wants to prove that sexism is to blame for people not taking her seriously. So she decides to dress up as a guy and go to a neighboring school to re-submit an article that wasn't chosen for publication because she's a woman. So she has to pretend she's a guy the whole time, until at some point she's topless.
The film features a scene with a "hot body contest," the main character Terry flashing a guy her bare breasts as the big reveal, and some additional topless beach scenes. The reason the reveal is such a great scene is because these guys are idiots. The fact that they don't know she's a woman until her breasts are literally staring them straight in the eye is the best part. What a stupid movie. She looked amazing, though. Except for her hair. I just can't get over '80s hair. It is not my thing.
Still worth checking out.
- 15+ 411- 388The Movie
Hardbodies already sounds like it's porn, so you really go in with the expectation of a boobtacular buttscape overflowing with hot young girls and the tall, muscle-bound hunks who get to bang them. The movie is about some old dudes who hire a young, good-looking guy to help them pick up women. And then it works. Then the main guy, Scotty, falls in love with one of the girls, who changes him, and then he decides to bang her forever instead of the other millions of hot girls with stupid '80s hair.
There are a bunch of scenes with nudity in them, but the best part is when the movie opens up with four girls playing keep away with their tops in a scene that shows you that there's not really any kind of nudity law in these movies. They exist in a universe where if people are laughing naked, everything is okay and fine with the law and the surrounding families until all of them get killed (which doesn't happen in this movie, but sure would make it a whole hell of a lot more interesting).
So many hot girls with no bras that don't understand how modeling works in this movie. Every girl in this movie has absolutely no future.
- 16+ 391- 380The Movie
I really can't do better than the Wikipedia explanation of this movie: "Espionage threatens the security of American Computer Technology and a skirt-chasing private investigator is coerced by the Feds to root out the spies among the rich, over-sexed socialites unknowingly supporting them."
It's obviously porn. This movie is just slightly higher budget Skinemax before Skinemax existed. Skinemax, for those of you born in the '90s, was a thing we had while you were a toddler instead of internet porn. It showed us boobs, merkins, and way too much plot. We had to sit through 10 minutes of story before anything cool happened, and even then the dudes had stupid hair. Not that I care about that but they did. It was gross.
Anyway, the greatest scene is when Barbara Edwards showers with another girl in one of the first, most awesome lesbian shower sex scenes in film history. And there are quite a few of those. God bless America. And lesbians.
Check out one of the scenes here.