The Church Signs
Throughout Simpsons history, establishing shots outside of a scene in the church have featured the church sign. Every church sign's marketing copy is another chance for the writers to poke a little fun at the institution of the church or just to have fun at what might be some inappropriate things to post at a church.
Here's what was featured on some of the most notable church signs in Simpsons history:
God, the original love connection
Every Sunday is super Sunday
Today: what a f iend we have in God, Also: the Be sharps
Private Wedding, Please worship elsewhere
No Shoes, No Shorts, No Salvation
God welcomes his victims
No synagogue parking
Next Sunday: the miracle of shame
Christ Dyed Eggs For Your Sins
Todays Topic: There's Something About the Virgin Mary
If You Were a Pastor, You'd Be Home Now!
Welcome Pissed-Off Catholics
No Outside Eucharist
God: The Original Tony Soprano
Housewarming Party: Let There Be Light Beer
We Welcome Other Faiths (Just Kidding)
Rapture Threat Level: ORANGE
Today: Bobble-Head Moses Giveaway
QUIT ST3ALING OUR L3TT3RS
Christmas Service Jesus: 2005 Years Young
Today's Topic: Jesus Hates You
Today: Church Council Meeting Topic: Religion
Funeral Today: Homer Simpson's Vegas Wife
Thou Shalt Turn Off They Cell Phone
Today's Topic: Jesus The Real American Idol
Shadrach, The Other Friend of Meshach
Free Wi-Fi During Sermon
Get Your Ass In Here, Tim
Tomorrow: Bart's Funeral
"today's subject is hell. " "would you eventually get used to it like in a hot tub? Are there any pirates in hell?"
The Creationism EpisodeThis entire episode is a gem. For an 11-minute version of the entire episode, click here. As you can see from those clips, the bulk of the episode is joke after joke after satire after mockery of Creationism.
Little by little the episode tears away at any logic that is usually associated with Creationism and exposes every facet of the argument against evolution and the religious right's attempts to hide the science from the world. Masterfully done in a pointed, biting, yet still hilarious and not aggressive fashion at all.
The entire thing starts with this wonderful scene of Ned Flanders taking his two sons, whom he raises as very far right fundamentalist Christians, to a museum only to find it filled with nothing but scientific relics of history.
And the rest of the episode gets even better. This episode, as a whole, is one of the greatest criticisms of Creationism in television history.
Good Thing We Came To Our Senses
We're Visiting Grandpa!
For the full episode: click here.
Whenever Homer Misquotes or Dismisses The Bible
"But this book doesn't have any answers!" - Homer
Quite often throughout The Simpsons' long history, Homer refers to parts of The Bible that don't necessarily exist in order to further some personal gain of his, which in of itself is a great comment on how many Christians (who can't quote more than a few verses of The Bible that aren't found in action movies) use it on a day to day basis. Here are some great moments in Homer (mis)using The Bible for his own personal gain.
[Homer says] "Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the bible." [Lisa asks him where] "Eeeeh, somewhere in the back."
[When Homer becomes an inadvertent missionary to a tribe and wants to eat all the food] "Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say ``Thou shalt not take... moochers into thy... hut''?
When Homer swears on a Bible, which turns out to be a book of carpet samples.
"Look at this Bible I just got. 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner!"
[When The Bible produces lottery numbers]"The Bible is finally pulling it's weight. Got any more holy numbers?"
[On Kent Brockman's talk show]
Lovejoy: Well, call me old-fashioned, but I believe marriage [as] described in the bible..
Homer: If you love the Bible so much why don't you marry it? In fact, I now pronounce you and the Bible man and wife.... and you're the wife! HAHAHAHAHA!
At some point, Homer takes a Bible out of the nightstand and tears out ribbon to use in another book.
Homer has so much distaste for The Bible, in fact, that he actually forgets who Jesus is a lot of the time. The two greatest examples are:
1) When Ned takes Homer to Jerusalem...
Homer: It's so nice and cool in the tomb of the unknown savior.
Ned: Unknown??!! This is the tomb of the most famous man who ever lived!
Homer: Porky Pig?
Ned: Porky Pig's not a man he's a pig and he's not even a real pig!
Homer: But.. he is buried here, right?
Ned: That's it! I'm losing it! I'm losing it! You come all the way to Jerusalem, the happiest place on earth and all the photos in your camera are of funny soda pops?
2) and, of course, "Save me Jeebus"
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