Drunken Pole Dancer Ruins a Wedding with Her Dancing
This is one of the greatest videos in internet history.
First of all, there seem to have been some really attractive women at this wedding. If you look at the aftermath, before you see blood streaming down the bride's face, you get a glimpse of some really pretty ladies. This, I think, is the only rational explanation as to why the woman in the red dress felt the need to beg for as much attention as she did at the reception.
She clearly wanted to be the center of attention, overshadowing the bride (at least she didn't wear white) by taking over the dance floor. She swung slightly on the pole that was keeping up the tent, and then went ahead and went full-on-stripper. Usually, this is a bad move in general.
I mean socially, what the hell are you even doing pole dancing at a wedding?
Well, when this lady started doing this, she brought down the house. Literally.
The video is one minute long, but is one of the most shocking and hilariously cringeworthy moments that you should be glad you didn't live.
The Worst Wedding DJ Ever Presents Phil Collins
The worst wedding DJ of all time started his internet career with the video you see to the left.
Not only does he ruin a perfectly good Gloria Estefan song that's fueling a line of white people dancing by singing alone while not knowing the words by any stretch of the imagination, he does it off time.
The first part is fantastic, and the first time anyone ever saw this video, we thought that THIS is what made him the worst Wedding DJ ever, until...
The boob slap.
This man takes a young lady who is at his side, most likely wanting to tell him to get off the stage, or maybe even to request a song (as it does look like the night is winding down at this point) and slaps her breasts using them like the very "congas" that Gloria Estefan is singing about.
The wedding videographer, who documented the whole thing, later overdubbed the wedding DJ "Fast Eddie" (yes, this is what this grown man calls himself) slapping the woman's breasts to the tune of Phil Collins's "In the Air Tonight". Now, if you were to slap a wedding guest's breasts to any part of that song, which part would it be? Yes, it's the part where the drums come in. And it is hilarious. Over 4 million views on YouTube hilarious, apparently.
Funny or Die even did a parody of it.
Either way you cut it, the biggest wedding fail involved in this entire debacle was whoever was in charge of hiring the DJ. Whoever that was messed up terribly. But we, as the internet, thank him for his half-assed and wonderful work finding the first person who came up in the Yellow Pages (because someone who booked "Fast Eddie" must be uninformed enough to actually use the Yellow Pages).
Best Man Ruins Wedding
This internet classic, even though it's fake, is a really, really great wedding fail. Just because a lot of people would put "you missed this!" in the comments, and because it's in the general consciousness here it is (and why it's awesome).
Chloe and Keith's wedding was picture perfect. Chloe looked beautiful, Keith found Khakis that kind of fit him, the sun was shining and both their families were present. As the priest was saying their vows and the videographer was closing up on Chloe's proud, loving and blissful face, they got to the part where she is asked if she will be with Keith as long as they both shall live.
She agrees to do this and the priest asks for the rings. The best man (who clearly wasn't) approached the stage they made with confidence, when his unscored, obviously underused dress shoes caused him to slip on the slick surface.
At first you're worried for the guy who fell on his face, until you notice the bride falling over backwards, ruining not only her dress, but her hair, makeup and day.
You lose all sympathy for the guy as soon as you pause the video and realize that he was actually trying to pick himself back up using the bride.
The bride, not wanting to get her dress dirty, or be pushed off the balcony (which c'mon, they did put at kind of an ill-advised spot) backed up... into the pool.
The priest, ever the hero, tried to catch the guy, he then tried to catch her, but only helped break her fall as he falls into the pool after her.
The whole crowd screams "NO!" and one of the greatest wedding fails of all time made internet history. Over 5 million views to just the original video alone.
Here's the trailer for the independent film Chloe and Keith's Wedding, for which this video was viral marketing:
Bridal Party Piggie-Back Fail
Ah the humorous bridal party entrance. Ever since that annoying video of the bridal party dancing in, this phenomena has become more and more present. Why can't they do what my parent's did when they came into the reception? Look kind of out of breath with their hair and clothes disheveled? (I might need to seek counseling.)
In any case, this bridesmaid and groomsman thought it would be a good idea to do a reverse piggy back into the room. Sure, she's built like a brickhouse, but it looks like they didn't factor her high heels into the equation. It's basic physics. Heavyset bridesmaid + Heavyset Groomsman + 5 inch heels = Hilarious Fail.
Bride Gets Caught on Her Dress
The first dance seems to be a lot trickier than it should be. There are numerous videos of brides having the most difficulty putting one foot in front of the other. This is no different.
The poor bride in this video probably agonized over choosing this dress. She probably spent hours going to so many different stores and reading hundreds of magazines just to find the one dress that fit her perfectly. She spent thousands of her parents hard earned dollars to buy it and have it tailored just right. Unfortunately, it seems that they didn't take into account that she would have to do more than just stand in it.
At least she recovers with the grace of a 15 year old Olympic gymnast.
Three Guys Try to Parachute Into a Wedding
This item features a groom and his two groomsmen parachuting into the groom's wedding.
They probably imagined they'd look somewhat like action heroes, coming in and barely having to run after falling from a plane, because that's how it happens in the movies.
Well, here's how it goes in real life:
(Click the picture to watch the video)
1. The first groomsman just barely doesn't land on a busy highway, almost getting killed and ruining a perfectly good 90s car.
2. The second groomsman comes in hard and doesn't quite "land" as much as he does "car", ruining two wedding guests' cars with his flailing body.
3. The groom comes in and gets stuck in a tree.
If I were the father of this bride, I would be reconsidering my choice of "blessings" at this point. This guy is never going to live this down. Ever.
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