The 25 Best Simpsons Quotes

"To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems!"

"Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'"

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."

"Dear Mr. President: There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. PS, I am not a crackpot."

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

"English, who needs that? I'm never going to England"

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

"Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that"

Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!

Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?

This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

"Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff."

I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

"I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you."

Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese.

I got a funny story about that. Well it's not so much funny as it is long.

"What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden."

Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

"Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions."

Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

"And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly."