The 25 Best Simpsons Quotes

"English, who needs that? I'm never going to England"

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

"Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that"

"Dear Mr. President: There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. PS, I am not a crackpot."

Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese.

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

"Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions."

"To alcohol! The cause of - and the solution to - all life's problems!"

"Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'"

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!

This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a *New* Mexico?

"I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you."

"Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff."

I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children.

"And in environmental news, scientists have announced that Springfield's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly."

Things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

I got a funny story about that. Well it's not so much funny as it is long.

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

"What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden."