- 1Up 59Down 21“ Jordan Carver wins 2012. Not only does she win at 2012, but she wins at life. Like, when she dies, if she donated her breasts to the Bodies exhibit in Vegas, if they displayed just her breasts they would be able to charge extra for admission. This is how awesome she is and also how often she graced the Gorillamask Spank Bank in 1012. During the first half of 2012 she was all over the Spank Bank, and some in the Summer. But Fall/Early Winter saw more Jordan Carver than ever before. She was featured 9 times, meaning that she was featured 3 times per month. That's a lot of Jordan Carver.So just by force of having the most appearances, Jordan Carver.And now for a bunch of galleries of Jordan Carver being hot for some reason.1. Jordan Carver as a Playboy bunny.2. Jordan Carver proving that even watching her get dressed is insane.5. Jordan Carver stuck in a tree (in real life this would cause the entire fire department to shut down).6. Jordan Carver wearing a wife beater and panties and really testing the limits of stretchy fabric.So......Who else is curious to see X-rays of her spine in 10 years?„
- 2Up 36Down 8“ Nicci Pisarri first came on the scene as a Maxim Hometown Hottie and has since become a swimsuit/underwear model.
Like much of these girls, she spends her time getting paid to take her clothes off and make poses for dudes taking pictures for dudes using pictures. And she's really damn good at it.
I mean, look. This is ridiculous. „
- 3Up 34Down 8“ Imogen Thomas is a Goddess who shoots light out of her vagina (pronounced "va-HEE-nah" in Spanish) -- much like I hypothesized throughout my entire childhood.
I'm not kidding, look: She's so hot that the universe has blessed her with the power to shoots rays of lights out of her vaheeenaaah.
This is the first thing you should look for in a wife.
Also it's not a bad idea if your wife looked like her, unless you wanted to go the safe route and marry an ugly girl so that she would never leave you like in that classic 70s song.
She makes the list because she is flawless and knows how to hold her stuff up better than even the most expensive, on-sale bra anyone could ever buy on a whim.
Click here for the full gallery of Imogen Thomas lying naked all over furniture that looks like it's from A Clockwork Orange, while violating every towel-rule that any nudist colony I've ever been to has ever instated. „
- 4Up 29Down 8“ Hillary Fischer appeared on the 2010 Spank Bank list as one of the hottest girls, and also topped the "all time" list as one of the most often posted girls on GorillaMask's Spank Bank on its 5th anniversary and now she's on the 2012 round-up. She's tan, amazing looking and has some of the hottest galleries GorillaMask has to offer.
Click here for her latest, where she wears cutoff shorts that look like they were created by throwing a pair of jeans into a wood chipper. „
- 5Up 27Down 14
De“ De has a name that I assume has a bunch of syllables that aren't in the actual name. Either that or her name is "Dee" or "Deh", which is super weird and sounds like a Dungeons and Dragons character I played with once.Either way, she looks like she'll watch you sleep and is from a humanoid species of physically perfect women that actually don't need to sleep, hence the watching you sleep. Also this species has tiny vaginas, only wears bikinis and does not have the ability blink.Her eyes must hurt so much.Anyway, she was featured like 5 times, which is behind Jordan Carver, but she doesn't get as much recognition because frankly she's sexually terrifying.Here are her sets:De in a library in the middle of the night, probably planning the earth's demise. In this one she uses a belt as a top.„
- 6Up 15Down 4
India Reynolds“ If India Reynolds's parents named her India because she was born in India, then they are the most uncreative parents in the history of nude models.„
- 7Up 19Down 8“ Jenna B chooses to identify herself on Gorillamask's Spank Bank the same way a substitute teacher would if there were multiple Jennas in the class. She's not even the MAIN Jenna.
Look at her. How could she not be the main Jenna?
Here are pictures of her all wet with pigtails in a bikini sucking on a popsicle. „
- 8Up 24Down 13“ Ashley C probably had to pick that name due to the overwhelming amount of Ashleys at her elementary school, and then it just stuck.Speaking of stuck, in the set that got her on this list she's wearing two bras. TWO BRAS. Her breasts are that powerful. That's the lingerie equivalent of boarding up a bank safe during an apocalypse. It'll help, but in the end we all know what's going to happen (everyone will die).Here she is in a baby blue polka dot thingie and two bras at first. The other one mysteriously disappears.„
- 9Up 13Down 3“ Natasha Belle is a hottie that was featured again this holiday season and was actually part ofthe round-up that covered the first half of 2012. Good to see her back!„
- 10Up 14Down 4“ Liz Asset really tries to show off her namesake (her pet lizards). Here she is resting her hands upon her mighty breasts.I just called them mighty and now we both feel weird.„
- 11Up 19Down 9“ Megan has one of my favorite faces in Gorillamask Spank Bank history and it's always nice to see her pop up, mainly because she looks like a lot of fun.She really looks like fun to date. She's like an all-white Sasha Grey that tans a little. She's perfect.I'm going to marry her, so get ready for her new model face to be a mixture of sadness, regret and "acting".„
- 12Up 16Down 7“ Kaitlynn is the kind of hot that you could actually go on a "date" with. Now, "date" is in quotes because it would just be a casual hangout for her after the dude she's banging cancels on her. You go thinking it's a date and you have an amazing day where she calls you "like a brother" at the end.
Is this sh*t too real? Yeah? That's because that's what Kaitlynn would do to you. Have fun using your tears for lube.
Sidenote: that is the cleanest, non-dusty steering wheel ever.
Click here for the full set of one of the hottest real-looking girls to ever hit the Spank Bank where she wears a shirt that she doesn't seem to have wanted to wear all the way. „
- 13Up 17Down 8
Bunny“ This girl is on here because I'm in an Asian mood today, but she almost didn't make it because her name is Bunny and I've heard that rabbits are poop-filled, horrible, selfish, caustic and emotionally abusive pets.But she made it on here because she's ridiculous looking and, like any good Asian model, looks super confused in all her pictures.„
- 14Up 14Down 6“ Justene Jaro is in that Alluring Vixens Library of Darkness and seems to have actually brought her reading glasses and a sweater to keep herself warm.She's the only one who picked up a book. Also she's totally naked from there on out pretty much. Or at least bottomless, or what I like to call Donald-Ducking.„
- 15Up 18Down 10“ Hailey from Hailey's Hideaway looks like she got really good grades up until college.
She's got that insanely adorable girl-next-door look that makes her one of the top choices for amazingly, disarmingly and just inappropriately hot girls on this list.
This is the bar, you guys.
Her gallery also features a lot more nudity (thanks to the see-thru rules which governs not only the internet, but magazine stands and therefore THE WORLD) than most Spank Banks.
She's really got everything going for her. I hope she runs for President.
This is what she looks like in clothes that she doesn't wear in public. „
- 16Up 19Down 12“ I'm not 100% sure whether or not Ai Shinozaki is real or not, but she's really got those dead eyes down cold. I hope. It's like there's a TV on in the direction she's facing and the first episode of The Wire is on or like she's on a date with yours truly.*Combs hair with a fork using a knife as a mirror*She's kind of like a real doll that can cook! She is a person and she is amazing.„
- 17Up 17Down 11“ Everything about the way Rosalina Verne looks makes you feel like you shouldn't be seeing her naked.„
- 18Up 15Down 10
Jesikah Maximus“ Jesikah Maximus, whose name is clearly an homage to one thing about who she is (her father, Maximus Maximus III, ruler of Assland, where she was conceived).
I've omitted part of her face (click here to see her full face and more) because her posterior needs to take precedence over everything in your life right now. Like it does hers.
At least you know she's safe from drowning due to her built-in flotation device. „
- 19Up 9Down 4“ Nikki was one of the many girls on this list who was, unfortunately, born without a last name. There should be a charity for hot girls with names that end with "i" with no surnames.Poor ladies.Here's Nikki in the Alluring Vixens Hot Girl Jungle (aka one of their boyfriends' house in Temecula probably).„
- 20Up 12Down 8“ This is Nina. Nina looks like she's really fun at parties and has a kiss tattoo on her butt (either that or the greatest birthmark of all time, next to mine which looks like a wiener but is right next to my wiener so that my hog looks bigger).
Nina colors her hair red and has arguably one of the hottest, most natural-looking sets of any Gorillamask Spank Bank this year.
Click here to see a picture of Nina combining a duck face with a handbra (WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?) and for the rest of the gallery featuring insanely hot pictures of Nina
- 21Up 11Down 7
- 22Up 14Down 11“Another regular fixture of the Spank Bank, Chrissy is a girl that you'd know, and if you hung out with her she'd probably wear hoodies all the time. Instead, in this newest set she's in that dark library that all these naked chicks seem to be trapped in, while not reading.Here she is with hair juuuuust long enough to cover the parts of her breasts that America deem inappropriate.Here she is taking off a dress for like 12 pictures kind of looking like Kristen Schaal. „
- 23Up 13Down 10
Elisandra Tomacheski“ If you say her name 5 times fast, you immediately become Scandinavian. For most of us, that's probably a good thing. My teeth aren't quite large enough.„
- 24Up 7Down 4“ What if every girl you ever brought home from a bar had a baby? This is what Bailey Knox looks like. she's just accessibly hot enough to make it high on this list, but at the same time has a thing about her, even when she's super sunburned like in this picture, that makes her incredible looking.What's cool about her is that Bailey Knox is the epitome of a girl next door gone bad.
Here she is looking super cute in an innocent set.
And then BOOM, here she is all punked out with piercings looking all '90s bad girl hot. „
- 25Up 7Down 4“ What if you mixed up Robin Wright Penn when she was hot in the 90s and Elisabeth Shue NOW? Well, then you would have Abbey Clancy, who really could only have more British a name if it ended in "shire" or "ton".
In her set she is up against a blonde wall, with blonde hair and a blonde colored bathing suit. Basically, she really wants people to remember two things:
1) Someone spent at least an hour on her smokey-eyed makeup and...
2) She is blonde.
Here are a bunch of pictures of her looking super hot and equally blonde. „
- 26Up 7Down 4“ Candace has enormous breasts, is very tan, and looks like she could beat the everloving sh*t out of you.
Here are pictures of her looking really f*cking hot.
That is all. „
- 27Up 6Down 3“ Kaya Danielle is a great actress (for a non-actress that takes her clothes off for glorious, bikini-buying money).
She actually pulls off that look that you try and get out of most girls who have hot pictures taken of themselves for a living: terrified that you, the viewer, is even in the room.
She makes the list because she has a genuinely pretty face, and a highly photoshopped body which shows that she's not one of these fake-boobed girls where everything is plastic. She's a REAL woman. She should be in Dove commercials (I'm sorry, I don't really mean that Kaya, you're not fat).
Click here for Kaya's full set where she seems really confused about how to take a bikini off. But she learns. Dear God does she learn.
Click here for more from Kaya Danielle where she takes her top off and then covers her breasts with her hands like someone who doesn't know what she just did or why „
- 28Up 5Down 2“ Now I know I've probably said this before (which is one of the saddest realizations I've had this week... which means usually my other weeks are equally tragic), but Chrissy is hot because she looks like she got really good grades in college. And why wouldn't she? You work hard when you pay your tuition dancing.
Now, this is just a (safe) assumption on my part, but I do believe that she has that look in her eye. She looks like the kind of stripper that actually takes an interest in you and adds you on Facebook before you leave the club and her profile picture is one of those Andy Warhol things that people take with Photobooth.
She's adorable. And she's so high up on this list because unlike anyone else here, she made the Spank Bank not one, not two, not three, and not even four, but five times.
She's always standing by pools, though, which I guess is what she does for a living when she's not giving internet dudes magic boners. „
- 29Up 6Down 4“ Cali Logan is the most often featured girl on the Spank Bank of 2012. She has a whole bunch of sets on here and I'm trying to figure out what's so special about her other than her perfect lips or how well she balances on stiletto heels or how she uses palm fronds to cover her vajay while doing a really bad job at covering her boob-body-part-that-would-make-this-technically-nudity.
Click here, here and here to see photos of her in galleries where she is SEVERELY underprepared for the elements that will challenge her life in whatever rainforest she's supposed to be in. „
- 30Up 3Down 2“ Mariana Goulart lies down in this set a lot and has a lot of tattoos in very random places. She also looks incredibly exotic. Like, her parents clearly met while they were on vacation. She's got the booty of a Telemundo star and the face of an NBC star. Paired with what looks like a photoset that took HOURS (in some of the pictures it's getting dark), she's lying down topless and "waiting for you" the entire time - once again, for HOURS.
What the hell were you doing that was that important?
Click here to see the photo gallery of a hot, exotic, half-naked woman doing a handbra while she waits all day for you to get home from whatever asinine thing you're doing on a weekend. „
- 31Up 3Down 2“ Porchia has a name that tells you exactly how to pronounce "Porsche" correctly.
More importantly, she looks like she could be Kate Upton's older sister. So here's to THAT fantasy.
Close enough. „
- 32Up 7Down 7“ Awww, look how cute she is!Sherra has the cutest baby face in the world and she apparently likes hanging out on disgusting green couches that look like that one your grandma died on.
In the set featured on the Spank Bank on Gorillamask in 2012, she's pulling her pigtails, and then her bikini all the way off (I know that was phrased weird, but please rest assured that she does not pull her pigtails off in this set, this is not that kind of set).
She's absolutely adorable in all of these pictures. If it weren't for how classy the couch/background look I would be 100% sure that she has a father with a shotgun, chew and a limp waiting for you on the porch as you walk out of her room, ready to kill you on site.
Here is a gallery featuring arguably the cutest girl on this list. „
- 33Up 3Down 3
- 34Up 3Down 3“ Danica Thrall obviously doesn't take very thorough baths. These things are just for relaxation.
In this photo gallery where Danica Thrall takes a bath naked (like ya do), she doesn't get her hair, neck, or the top of her boobs wet. But she's wearing a soapy-bubble bra that is just barely hanging on for dear life, much like a LEGO man would be if I were a toddler and were allowed to play on her boobs. That should would be cash.
Click here to see a hot girl taking a bath that, in real life, would never let you see her taking a bath. „
- 35Up 4Down 5“ Lina Posada looks like if Charlize Theron didn't lead the life she did and got slightly worse genes aka she's amazing looking.„
- 36Up 3Down 4“ Hunter Leigh has the body of a Goddess. Her entire body is the same color and it doesn't look like a wallet you could buy for 20 pesos at the Mexican border that's made out of a dead, leathered frog.
her est features her straddling what looks like an ironing board, which is kind of offensive to me since I'm Hispanic and she looks kind of Hispanic too.
This is a really great shot of her spreading and straddling that ironing board, though, which I guess makes it all okay.
Click here to see her from behind pulling her pants down, facing a bare wall and a couch that looks insanely comfortable. „
- 37Up 2Down 3“ April Cheryse has two first names and two solid boobs. She's also not a natural blonde and enjoys pretending she's a powerless Spider-Man in photoshoots.
She also looks showing some top-butt in her photos, which makes her a saint in my book. This is why I'm not The Pope (yet).
Click here to see all of April Cheryse's photoset where she keeps taking her clothes off and making all the articles of clothing look like they're stretchy and hard to take off. Taffy. It's like she's wearing taffy. „
- 38Up 2Down 3“ Mia makes the list because she's wearing a black leather mini skirt throughout the entire shoot. The entire shoot. Do you know how sweaty her boobs must be under there? <--- So the fact that I'm a horrible, lonely, sad human being is why she makes the list.
Also because I saw The Avengers 5 times in theatres in 2012 (which will be a dated reference if you read this after September of 2012, so hello from the past!)
Click here for Mia's full set of leather-clad, awesome-legged, shiny-assed pictures of her on a bed.
The only bad part about her wearing this on a bed is that it would take you, her and her roommate (who's probably a dude) about 20 minutes to get her out of this outfit since it's leather. Trust me. I've been there. „
- 39Up 2Down 3“ Cassidy K looks so bored in her Spank Bank set that it reminds me of what real-life sex looks like.
She wears a belt as an entire bikini bottom and sports a handbra and a look that says "I'm only doing this for the money and I'm going to blow it all on something frivolous that I think I deserve after doing this", which rules.
I like a strong, powerful, too-busy-for-the-"now" woman.
Her body also rocks my party until the end of the night. „
- 40Up 2Down 4
Nicole Sparks“ Nicole Sparks looks tiny. She looks really, really tiny. There's just something about a girl who knows how to wear a dude's shirt.
Click here to see the full gallery of this girl hanging around in an office with a shirt on. Wait. Maybe she KILLED the dude. „
- 41Up 6Down 9“ The greatest part about Laura Vincombe isn't the fact that she very frequently only shows one eye like that one Captain Planet "eco-villain" Dr. Blight, but that it looks like she's just some random college girl with fake boobs who happens to have met a lot of amateur "photographers" at parties willing to take pictures of her in various stages of undress (A.K.A. any single dude with a camera they feel guilty about spending too much money on). This is the only way that non-professional pictures of girls this hot are ever taken.
The way that she's hot and deserves to be on this list is really more mental than anything else. She wages psychological warfare on your man-peepee-parts, much like Dr. Blight from Captain Planet waged ecological warfare on Mother Gaia, Captain Planet, The Planeteers and the earth itself.
Click here to see the full set of Laura Vinicombe's amateur set filled with blondeness, tattoos, boobs and more (yes, more!) „
- 42Up 5Down 8“Yulia will probably always correct you on how to say her name.You know those girls that have a name that's very close to an American name, but they spell it slightly differently to seem more sophisticated? Well, Yulia's foreign enough so that her parents actually gave her this polarizing, confusing name that probably made her substitute teachers very nervous about getting made fun of. She's a weirdly-spelled almost-name O.G., I guess you could say (although you really, as a man or porn-seeking-lesbian, should never say that).
She also kind of looks like a cold, sad, blonde Kristen Stewart. Which = WIN.„
Yulia has that perfect "kind of uncomfortable so maybe the photographer had his penis out during the session" look on her face that makes all hand bras that much more defensive and therefore amazing (I promise all of you that I'm seeing a therapist).
Her hair and body also rule.
Here's the full gallery of Yulia looking incredibly hot, showing off her Taylor-Momsen-esque awesomeness.
- 43Up 2Down 5
Brooke Marks“ Brooke Marks has a "girl next door" look to her that makes her one of the sexiest Spank Bank girls of the year 2012. Also, if she lived next door to you, you would probably be in jail right now (due to arson because you'd have burned down your entire block because she wouldn't have bang bang with you <--- this is what adults call sex)
Here she is in one of those sexual innuendo shirts that high school students mostly wear.
And click here to see her basically naked wearing a swimsuit that would get her thrown out of every American beach. „
- 44Up 1Down 4“ Her last name is "Hummer" which makes this way too easy.
So here is the gallery of attractive pictures of her you should click on because she's good looking.
This is a picture of her pretending to eat plastic grapes in a bikini. „
- 45Up 1Down 4“ Sweet Krissy has the roundest parts in all the right places. When people talk about curves, this is what they mean when they don't mean "full-figured" women.
In this gallery she puts her boobs up on counters, squeezes them together, let's them dangle and generally spends as much time playing with them as I would if I switched bodies with a girl for a day.
Click here to see Sweet Krissy totally, full-frontally (which is now an adjective according to me) nude in what is the hottest set featuring a girl with bad art in the background on this list. „
- 46Up 2Down 6“ Zheng Yifei's last name sounds like a classic cartoon's celebration of some kind, but also like what it's called when furries bang.The most important part, though, is how she basically looks like an anime character. This isn't racist, as that's exactly what she's going for.„
- 47Up 1Down 6“ For almost an entire decade, Kate from Kate's Playground has defied the amateur internet porn world with her relentless young looks and the fact that she only has two toes on her right foot.
She often makes list of the hottest girls with deformities for this very reason. And the fact that someone with that condition is not only one of the most well known girls to ever hit the amateur circuit, but that she's insanely hot and has had this much longevity makes her one of the greatest picks for the Spank Bank on Gorillamask not only this year, but in the history of the website.
Click here to see Kate from Kate's Playground do what she does best. „
- 48Up 1Down 6“ Emma Kate Dawson looks like Courtney Stodden would if Courtney Stodden were a real human being and not a robot built for our entertainment, laughter, ridicule, fascination and boners.
In this photoset she wears a school girl outfit that, no offense to her, makes it look like she was held back in high school about 7 times (not that she doesn't look young, but she sure as hell doesn't look 17 -- and neither does Courtney Stodden).
Here is the set as she starts taking off the school girl outfit.
So good. „
- 49Up 0Down 5“ Brittany Hawkes looks like her parents make a lot of money, which is intrinsically attractive to me because that seems like a great quality in a wife. The following is a gallery of her showing.
If there were a channel that cost just as much as HBO, but it would show her showering for 24 hours a day, I would watch it. Even after the 3rd season where he skin gets so prune-y that it starts to look like that horrible, acid-induced, Golden Girls fantasy you had at school in 11th grade am i right, fellas? This is relatable to everyone.
Click here to see a hot girl you've never seen before showering and pressing her boobs up against a shower door then drawing a heart that looks more like a butt if you look at it again. „
- 50Up 0Down 5“ Aki Hoshimo has such an authentically-Japanese-sounding name that when you say it out loud it almost sounds like a racist impression.
Representing Asian women on this list, Aki Hoshino parades in a bikini around a house that looks like either the house from the end of Boogie Nights or the one where Woody Allen goes to an "LA Party" in Annie Hall.
Aki is adorable and has that look that companies try to reproduce in their Asian real dolls on a daily basis. She is a doll and belongs on this list because of her perfect body.
Click here for a picture of what all creepy white dudes think they can get when they take "business trips" to Asia. „
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