- 21+ 16- 11
Jesikah Maximus, whose name is clearly an homage to one thing about who she is (her father, Maximus Maximus III, ruler of Assland, where she was conceived).
I've omitted part of her face because her posterior needs to take precedence over everything in your life right now. Like it does hers.
At least you know she's safe from drowning due to her built-in flotation device.
- 22+ 15- 10
If you say her name 5 times fast, you immediately become Scandinavian. For most of us, that's probably a good thing. My teeth aren't quite large enough.
- 23+ 16- 11
Another regular fixture of the Spank Bank, Chrissy is a girl that you'd know, and if you hung out with her she'd probably wear hoodies all the time. Instead, in this newest set she's in that dark library that all these naked chicks seem to be trapped in, while not reading.
- 24+ 9- 4
What if every girl you ever brought home from a bar had a baby? This is what Bailey Knox looks like. she's just accessibly hot enough to make it high on this list, but at the same time has a thing about her, even when she's super sunburned like in this picture, that makes her incredible looking.
- 25+ 9- 4
What if you mixed up Robin Wright Penn when she was hot in the 90s and Elisabeth Shue NOW? Well, then you would have Abbey Clancy, who really could only have more British a name if it ended in "shire" or "ton".
In her set she is up against a blonde wall, with blonde hair and a blonde colored bathing suit. Basically, she really wants people to remember two things:
1) Someone spent at least an hour on her smokey-eyed makeup and...
2) She is blonde.
- 26+ 9- 4
Candace has enormous breasts, is very tan, and looks like she could beat the everloving sh*t out of you.
- 27+ 8- 3
Kaya Danielle is a great actress (for a non-actress that takes her clothes off for glorious, bikini-buying money).
She actually pulls off that look that you try and get out of most girls who have hot pictures taken of themselves for a living: terrified that you, the viewer, is even in the room.
She makes the list because she has a genuinely pretty face, and a highly photoshopped body which shows that she's not one of these fake-boobed girls where everything is plastic. She's a REAL woman. She should be in Dove commercials (I'm sorry, I don't really mean that Kaya, you're not fat).
- 28+ 13- 9
Nina looks like she's really fun at parties and has a kiss tattoo on her butt (either that or the greatest birthmark of all time, next to mine which looks like a wiener but is right next to my wiener so that my hog looks bigger).
- 29+ 8- 4
Cali Logan is the most often featured girl on the Spank Bank of 2012. She has a whole bunch of sets on here and I'm trying to figure out what's so special
- 30+ 5- 2
Mariana Goulart lies down in this set a lot and has a lot of tattoos in very random places. She also looks incredibly exotic. Like, her parents clearly met while they were on vacation. She's got the booty of a Telemundo star and the face of an NBC star. Paired with what looks like a photoset that took HOURS (in some of the pictures it's getting dark), she's lying down topless and "waiting for you" the entire time - once again, for HOURS.
What the hell were you doing that was that important?
- 31+ 5- 2
Porchia has a name that tells you exactly how to pronounce "Porsche" correctly.
More importantly, she looks like she could be Kate Upton's older sister. So here's to THAT fantasy.
- 32+ 9- 7
Sherra has the cutest baby face in the world and she apparently likes hanging out on disgusting green couches that look like that one your grandma died on.
In the set featured on the Spank Bank on Gorillamask in 2012, she's pulling her pigtails, and then her bikini all the way off (I know that was phrased weird, but please rest assured that she does not pull her pigtails off in this set, this is not that kind of set).
She's absolutely adorable in all of these pictures. If it weren't for how classy the couch/background look I would be 100% sure that she has a father with a shotgun, chew and a limp waiting for you on the porch as you walk out of her room, ready to kill you on site.
- 33+ 5- 3
Mindy Robinson was on the Spank Bank twice, so I had to include her because she's cute.
I'll bet you $5 she has a Southern accent.
- 34+ 5- 3
Danica Thrall obviously doesn't take very thorough baths. These things are just for relaxation.
In this photo gallery where Danica Thrall takes a bath naked (like ya do), she doesn't get her hair, neck, or the top of her boobs wet. But she's wearing a soapy-bubble bra that is just barely hanging on for dear life, much like a LEGO man would be if I were a toddler and were allowed to play on her boobs. That should would be cash.
- 35+ 6- 5
Lina Posada looks like if Charlize Theron didn't lead the life she did and got slightly worse genes aka she's amazing looking.
- 36+ 5- 4
Hunter Leigh has the body of a Goddess. Her entire body is the same color and it doesn't look like a wallet you could buy for 20 pesos at the Mexican border that's made out of a dead, leathered frog.
her est features her straddling what looks like an ironing board, which is kind of offensive to me since I'm Hispanic and she looks kind of Hispanic too.
- 37+ 4- 3
Mia makes the list because she's wearing a black leather mini skirt throughout the entire shoot. The entire shoot. Do you know how sweaty her boobs must be under there? <--- So the fact that I'm a horrible, lonely, sad human being is why she makes the list.
Also because I saw The Avengers 5 times in theatres in 2012 (which will be a dated reference if you read this after September of 2012, so hello from the past!)
- 38+ 4- 3
April Cheryse has two first names and two solid boobs. She's also not a natural blonde and enjoys pretending she's a powerless Spider-Man in photoshoots.
She also looks showing some top-butt in her photos, which makes her a saint in my book. This is why I'm not The Pope (yet).
- 39+ 4- 3
Cassidy K looks so bored in her Spank Bank set that it reminds me of what real-life sex looks like.
She wears a belt as an entire bikini bottom and sports a handbra and a look that says "I'm only doing this for the money and I'm going to blow it all on something frivolous that I think I deserve after doing this", which rules.
I like a strong, powerful, too-busy-for-the-"now" woman.
- 40+ 4- 4
Nicole Sparks looks tiny. She looks really, really tiny. There's just something about a girl who knows how to wear a dude's shirt.
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