- 1+ 61- 21Jordan Carver wins 2012. Not only does she win at 2012, but she wins at life. Like, when she dies, if she donated her breasts to the Bodies exhibit in Vegas, if they displayed just her breasts they would be able to charge extra for admission. This is how awesome she is and also how often she graced the Gorillamask Spank Bank in 1012. During the first half of 2012 she was all over the Spank Bank, and some in the Summer. But Fall/Early Winter saw more Jordan Carver than ever before. She was featured 9 times, meaning that she was featured 3 times per month. That's a lot of Jordan Carver.
- 2+ 38- 8
Nicci PisarrieNicci Pisarri first came on the scene as a Maxim Hometown Hottie and has since become a swimsuit/underwear model.
Like much of these girls, she spends her time getting paid to take her clothes off and make poses for dudes taking pictures for dudes using pictures. And she's really damn good at it.
- 3+ 36- 8Imogen Thomas is a Goddess who shoots light out of her vagina (pronounced "va-HEE-nah" in Spanish) -- much like I hypothesized throughout my entire childhood.
This is the first thing you should look for in a wife.
She makes the list because she is flawless and knows how to hold her stuff up better than even the most expensive, on-sale bra anyone could ever buy on a whim.
- 4+ 31- 8Hillary Fischer appeared on the 2010 Spank Bank list as one of the hottest girls, and also topped the "all time" list as one of the most often posted girls on GorillaMask's Spank Bank on its 5th anniversary and now she's on the 2012 round-up. She's tan, amazing looking and has some of the hottest galleries GorillaMask has to offer.
- 5+ 29- 14De has a name that I assume has a bunch of syllables that aren't in the actual name. Either that or her name is "Dee" or "Deh", which is super weird and sounds like a Dungeons and Dragons character I played with once.
Either way, she looks like she'll watch you sleep and is from a humanoid species of physically perfect women that actually don't need to sleep, hence the watching you sleep. Also this species has tiny vaginas, only wears bikinis and does not have the ability blink.
Her eyes must hurt so much.
Anyway, she was featured like 5 times, which is behind Jordan Carver, but she doesn't get as much recognition because frankly she's sexually terrifying.
- 6+ 21- 8
Jenna BJenna B chooses to identify herself on Gorillamask's Spank Bank the same way a substitute teacher would if there were multiple Jennas in the class. She's not even the MAIN Jenna.
- 7+ 22- 9
MeganMegan has one of my favorite faces in Gorillamask Spank Bank history and it's always nice to see her pop up, mainly because she looks like a lot of fun.
She really looks like fun to date. She's like an all-white Sasha Grey that tans a little. She's perfect.
I'm going to marry her, so get ready for her new model face to be a mixture of sadness, regret and "acting".
- 8+ 15- 3
Natasha BelleNatasha Belle is a hottie that was featured again this holiday season and was actually part ofthe round-up that covered the first half of 2012. Good to see her back!
- 9+ 26- 13
Ashley CAshley C probably had to pick that name due to the overwhelming amount of Ashleys at her elementary school, and then it just stuck.
Speaking of stuck, in the set that got her on this list she's wearing two bras. TWO BRAS. Her breasts are that powerful. That's the lingerie equivalent of boarding up a bank safe during an apocalypse. It'll help, but in the end we all know what's going to happen (everyone will die).
- 10+ 16- 5If India Reynolds's parents named her India because she was born in India, then they are the most uncreative parents in the history of nude models.
- 11+ 15- 5
Liz AssetLiz Asset really tries to show off her namesake (her pet lizards).
I just called them mighty and now we both feel weird.
- 12+ 16- 6
Justene JaroJustene Jaro is in that Alluring Vixens Library of Darkness and seems to have actually brought her reading glasses and a sweater to keep herself warm.
She's the only one who picked up a book. Also she's totally naked from there on out pretty much. Or at least bottomless, or what I like to call Donald-Ducking.
- 13+ 20- 10
Hailey from Hailey's HideawayShe's got that insanely adorable girl-next-door look that makes her one of the top choices for amazingly, disarmingly and just inappropriately hot girls on this list.
This is the bar, you guys.
Her gallery also features a lot more nudity (thanks to the see-thru rules which governs not only the internet, but magazine stands and therefore THE WORLD) than most Spank Banks.
She's really got everything going for her. I hope she runs for President.
- 14+ 17- 8
KaitlynnKaitlynn is the kind of hot that you could actually go on a "date" with. Now, "date" is in quotes because it would just be a casual hangout for her after the dude she's banging cancels on her. You go thinking it's a date and you have an amazing day where she calls you "like a brother" at the end.
Is this sh*t too real? Yeah? That's because that's what Kaitlynn would do to you. Have fun using your tears for lube.
Sidenote: that is the cleanest, non-dusty steering wheel ever.
- 15+ 18- 9
BunnyThis girl is on here because I'm in an Asian mood today, but she almost didn't make it because her name is Bunny and I've heard that rabbits are poop-filled, horrible, selfish, caustic and emotionally abusive pets.
But she made it on here because she's ridiculous looking and, like any good Asian model, looks super confused in all her pictures.
- 16+ 22- 13I'm not 100% sure whether or not Ai Shinozaki is real or not, but she's really got those dead eyes down cold. I hope. It's like there's a TV on in the direction she's facing and the first episode of The Wire is on or like she's on a date with yours truly.
- 17+ 11- 4
NikkiNikki was one of the many girls on this list who was, unfortunately, born without a last name. There should be a charity for hot girls with names that end with "i" with no surnames.
- 18+ 13- 7
- 19+ 18- 12
Rosalia VerneEverything about the way Rosalina Verne looks makes you feel like you shouldn't be seeing her naked.
- 20+ 7- 2
KrystalNow I know I've probably said this before (which is one of the saddest realizations I've had this week... which means usually my other weeks are equally tragic), but Chrissy is hot because she looks like she got really good grades in college. And why wouldn't she? You work hard when you pay your tuition dancing.
Now, this is just a (safe) assumption on my part, but I do believe that she has that look in her eye. She looks like the kind of stripper that actually takes an interest in you and adds you on Facebook before you leave the club and her profile picture is one of those Andy Warhol things that people take with Photobooth.