This Super Bowl Sunday, while you were getting your buddies together, frying up some food and making sure the TiVo was set correctly, the world of Craigslist's anonymous sex ads (the Casual Encounters section) was aflutter with costume requests. Unlike some of the best dating sites, craigslist is known for its community of horny strangers looking to get weird. The football season brought offers to be your human pet and, of course, dozens upon dozens of Super Bowl orgies. From San Francisco, to Vegas, to New York, to yes, even Indianapolis, here's what America's biggest day of indulgence had to offer.From the week before Super Bowl XLVI (2012), up to the moments the game started, here are the weirdest posts from the country's Craigslist Casual Encounters sections.
Man Has Greatest Wife of All Time
Before we get started...
ANONYMOUS INTERNET SEX GLOSSARY:
M4W = Men looking for Women
M4M = Men looking for Men
W4M = Women looking for Men
W4W = Women looking for Women
M4WW = The saddest thing in the world
D/D Free = Disease/Drug Free
[X]" = The size, in inches (sorry Europe), of a man's penis
6c = The number is the guy's "size" and c is "Cut" (once again, sorry Europe). The opposite being, of course "Uncut"
"Host" = When a person hosts, they mean that the "encounter" can happen at their place
MWC = Married White Couple
BBC = Big Black C*ck
BBW = Big Beautiful Woman
And now, to begin...
This is the American dream. Not only because everyone involved is pretty fat judging from the "Seeking guests who would rather work on a 12-pack than work out on their 6-pack", but because it is the American dream to have a Betty-Draperesque wife that succumbs to your every need, even being a naked waitress to your buddies and up to 4 strangers on Super Bowl Sunday. She'll even blow them if they want (alright, that's more of a European dream).
This is the most wonderful, saint-like, accommodating woman of all time and I think we all (women and men) can learn something from her. I think that we should all be able to make these kinds of compromises. And yes, I'm having an existential crisis over this Craigslist post. Sue me (please don't sue me).Also, sure, she's probably into this stuff, but the fact that she'll bring people drinks naked just adds that bit of "she's a keeper".
Gym Party in Jersey
ONLY IN JERSEY.
Everyone knows that it's every girl's dream, from tea-party age, to party at AN ACTUAL GYM. These guys were probably flooded with people looking to get the G part of their GTL day going, as well as meet REAL LIVE TRAINERS.
The end part of the post does go on to specify a few things that are worth noting, though: it's not a hook up, it's not a date, and it's not a fake invitation for sex. So sex is going to be had, is what I'm assuming (and no, I don't think the "not a hookup" part takes care of that, otherwise there's no reason for them to be in Casual Encounters).
So this means on Super Bowl weekend in 2012, there was a sex party in New Jersey that included buffalo wings, apparently a toddler-sized sandwich and a bunch of personal trainers using the gym equipment to get down and dirty.This is the world we live in. Let it soak in. It's amazing.
Super Bowl Party Toilet For Hire
This is every parent's worst case scenario. Potty training this dude must have been a nightmare.
The craziest part is that not only is this guy out there, but there are probably people out there (not a person, not a couple, but a party of people) that wouldn't mind having some dude to pee in so that they don't have to get up.
So that they don't have to get up. He even calls the excrement/body fluids that he'd be consuming "offerings".
Seriously, when I was growing up Super Bowl parties were an excuse to eat whatever you want, but-- wait. Okay, that's still what this is. This is perfectly fine now.Moving on...
Come Over and Wear Football Gear with Me
So this is a full grown man who has extra football gear lying around, enough for multiple guys and wants to put it on on a field, do drills (the least fun part of any sport) and then watch the game sweaty/pumped.
This, more than anything, is a testament to how football nerds (aka "jocks" or "football fans") are exactly like Star Wars nerds. Dressing up like a Jedi and going to premiere is NO DIFFERENT THAN THIS.