So, in case you're not dating a girl that looks like THIS, here are 7 tips on how to make a female companion who will never leave you that you can enjoy for the rest of your life (or until it breaks.)Here are the 7 best sex toys for men and exactly how you can make them (in private) in your very own home. You probably want to know how to make a pocket pussy, right? Of course you do.
Though it's not handmade or for men, the sybian is one of the hottest selling toys for girls. Howard Stern loves using it on his show. Check out Ranker's Hottest Girls of Sybian on Howard Stern.
Want to Just BUY Sex Toys for Men?
For those of us who aren't the Bob Vila of learning to f**k furniture and household appliances and prefer to buy our way into pleasure (you lazy bastards), there is actually a market for sex toys for men, but you really aren't going to be spending less than $50. If you think that's worth it (hey, it's still cheaper than a first date), then here are the best places to do it:
For great prices on all kinds of Sex Toys for Men there are always our friends over at Adam & Eve (click the link for the toys.)
The most popular, well-known male sex toy is the Fleshlight. The fleshlight is a sleeve like any of these seen here, only it is non-disposable, fully cleanable and supposedly feels extremely close to the real thing. The cheapest place to buy one (like most other things) is on Amazon. Here's the link(you're welcome.)
If there are any Raven Riley fans out there, there's actually a Raven Riley Fleshlight, which yes, is a perfect replica of her vagina: link to Raven Riley's Fleshlight
This inexpensive (about 5 bucks) "handjob massager" is basically just a sleeve that's softer than your hands, but might still work if you're looking to throw it into one of the contraptions on this list, or in between couch cushions/mattress pads: LINK to the Handjob Massager
If you're lazy AND cheap, though, you could always just go with the traditional blow up doll. I'd recommend the Inflatable Judy Doll. It's classic, blonde, short-haired and won't order the lobster at an expensive restaurant. Nothing wrong with buying a classic blow-up doll... unless one of these two things is true, then it is definitely not okay: 1) You show her to other people 2) She has a name.
So there you go, don't name your blow-up dolls, don't spend too much on sex toys, but do whatever you feel is best for you financially as well as physically and ALWAYS use lube (see here for inexpensive lube in a bunch of small bottles small enough to carry-on a plane) and have fun.
Also, if you're feeling adventurous, check out these other sex toys.
Gary Busey's Inner Tube Ride
Gary Busey is really concerned with your sexual satisfaction and well-being. So concerned, in fact, that he devoted a whole episode of "The Busey Zone" (his YouTube web series) to informing his viewers of the sexual benefits of a conveyance generally associated with a drunk afternoon on the river.
Busey's suggestion for an easy homemade sex toy is to transform an inner tube into a floating sex toy that provides the user with both camouflage and pleasure so that you can enjoy a dip in the river whilst you dip your member into something else entirely.
The contraption Busey proposes is an inner tube with a hole cut in it so you can thrust into a section of rubber tubing from under water. He describes the whole experience as "a way to use an inner tube romantically", though this type of stick-and-thrust contraption leaves no room "romance" (unless, I suppose, you feed yourself chocolate in between humping a piece of dirty, floating rubber).
Though I have yet to try it (I'm just not interested in the kinds of diseases that might be floating around in a piss-laden lake and/or on an old, crusty inner tube), this device seems simple enough to make (as long as you set the seal properly) and has the potential to really liven up a lazy day on the river. Plus, since you're already in the water, no clean up!
HOW TO MAKEMaterials: Inner tube (preferably the heavy duty rubber kind like from a tire), rubber hosing, sealant
1. Deflate the inner tube.
2. Cut a mouth-size hole somewhere in the bottom of the inner tube. Just on the one side.
3. Insert the rubber hosing into the hole and use the sealant to make the inner tube air tight once more.
4. Set sail on the open river (with the hole side facing the water) and insert your "pleasure body parts" (penis) into the hole. You'll be underwater, so no one will know what a good time you and the inner tube are having.
4 (alt). If you are not near a large body of water, try a smaller inner tube in the tub or shower. If water's not your thing, throw some lubricant in the hose and carry on showing that inner tube who's boss.
And for all our BDSM friends out there, here's how to make a light flogger, good for smacking and general "Domination" stuff.
It's basically a soft whip that you use to hit people with.
These go for an arm and a leg, because they make them out of leather, usually.
Click here for the instructional video.
HOW TO MAKE
Materials: tourniquets, a wooden (or plastic) cylindrical handle (you can take it off an old hammer, even), electrical tape, rope strips (or anything you want to flog), a power drill
1. Burn the edge of the rope strips, so that they don't fray. It hardens the ends of the rope a little, so that it stings a little.
2. Get all your same-length rope strips together, then hold them around the wooden handle.
3. Tie some electrical tape around them. Tape them down really tightly and very securely. As tight as humanly possible to the wooden stick.
4. Tie it all the way down.
5. Use a power drill to drill a hole into the far end of the handle.
6. Tie a rope through it and you've got yourself a wrist handle, like you're playing Wii!
Easy 5-minute flogger. The guy in the video demonstrates what it sounds like when you flog it, he uses it on the floor and they flogs actually sound pretty brutal.
Squeeze Toy (G)love
This sex toy (one of many "homemade sex toys" made by YouTuber "MekodachiUD"), is the easiest. The things this guy makes sometimes look more like meat processors or torture devices than they do "sex toys". Most of his stuff can only be made from home if you have a Ph D. in mechanical engineering.
Take this thing, for instance, that I wouldn't use to to mix drinks with, let alone let ANYWHERE near my penis:
Click here for the most dangerous sex toy for men you will ever face. Not use, but "face". If it goes wrong, it will be your enemy.
You know those soft, spiky-looking squeeze toys that you can buy at your local pet stores? Well, buy three pairs of them (6 balls total) and you have a contraption that can only be described as "interesting".
Click here for the silent, creepy instructional video involving a really weird-strap on for demonstration. There's something about this guy's careful precision and his marching-band-gloves that make it almost feel like a serial killer is showing us how to do this. But hey, we all know serial killers are precise at least, right? Right.
The interesting/best part of this toy is that it actually encloses the penis instead of it just being a plastic bag that you bang. It closes around the penis and applies what looks like more pressure than anything else on this list.
Here are the written instructions for those of us who couldn't sit through A Clockwork Orange
HOW TO MAKE
Materials: spiky rubber balls, a rubber glove, lubricant
1. Keep the rubber balls in their net-like casing, so that they stay together (if you can't find models exactly like the ones in the video, then just get 6 rubber balls).
2. Put the rubber balls into a plastic glove, making sure that there is adequate depth and that it's really a triangular three rows of two balls pointing towards the outside of the glove.
3. Position the balls, make sure the glove is keeping its form.
4. Apply lubricant.
5. Stretch out the contraption to fit your penis inside, then close the contraption around it.
6. Get your jolly rogers off.