So, in case you're not dating a girl that looks like THIS, here are 7 tips on how to make a female companion who will never leave you that you can enjoy for the rest of your life (or until it breaks.)Here are the 7 best sex toys for men and exactly how you can make them (in private) in your very own home. You probably want to know how to make a pocket pussy, right? Of course you do.
Though it's not handmade or for men, the sybian is one of the hottest selling toys for girls. Howard Stern loves using it on his show. Check out Ranker's Hottest Girls of Sybian on Howard Stern.
A "Fifi" is a male sex toy. But it's not a weird one.
When you're talking about a male sex toy, it usually means something that you can make, and then bang as if it were an orifice because c'mon, we're men and that's what we do. We find holes and just plow 'em til we're dead. Until we are cold and dead.
This is the easiest, simplest and seemingly the most clean-up efficient toy ever concocted.
Here's a helpful, simple (and absolutely hilarious) video of a straight-shooting guy explaining exactly what a "Fifi" is. Why is this video so funny? Well, just check it out. At the conclusion of the video this guy tells you to "strap" it to something... which makes absolutely no sense. If anyone can let us know how this can be done, please put it in the comments.
Here's another instructional video that takes a slightly different approach. The first one seems deeper and more practical, though, but this one is a little clearer and is, for some reason, done on a grill.
Or, you know, you could just buy one here for $25 that you don't even have to clean.
HOW TO MAKE A FIFI
Materials needed: Towel, rubber glove, lubricant
1. Fold a tower into a rectangle, longways.
2. Get a rubber glove and place it with the open side out.
3. Fold the towel around the glove so that it creates a tight hole.
4. Stretch the open part of the glove over the end part of the towel nearest the glove, creating a tight hole of rubber (see the end of the video).
5. Apply lubricant, go to town. For a big discount on lubes, check these out, they're cheap, they're good and you can carry them on a plane!)
Check out the new and improved Fifi, which is only $24.95 right now!!!
If you think the Fifi is a good, then you'll really enjoy this.
Sponge Bottle, No Pants
The guys over at World Sextoys featured an article a while back about making an ordinary plastic soda bottle into a Pocket Vagina for men.
HOW TO MAKE
Materials: Empty(clean and dry) soda bottle, scissors, bubble wrap, two sponges (with no rough sides), masking tape.
Click on each of these instructions for pictures of each step of this process.
1. Cut off the top of your soda bottle. Make sure you cut evenly, so that there are no jagged sides.
2. Take two sponges and place them side-by-side on a rectangular sheet of bubble wrap.
3. Fold the bubble wrap in, wrapping each of the sponges individually while still leaving some space in the middle. Making sure there is some bubble wrap slack that can stick out of the bottle later.
4. Squeeze the sponges into the soda bottle. Make sure that they are as symmetrically inserted as possible.
5. Tape the excess bubble wrap "slack" to the sides of the soda bottle, securing that both the opening of the soda bottle isn't sharp and that the sponges will remain inside.
6. Have fun with your new toy!
Here's a side profile of the toy.
And the front.
Couch Cushion for the Pushin
Bringing a whole new meaning to the word "love seat", click here for an instructional video on how to make a small plastic concoction that will allow you to use your couch as the final ingredient.
You're about to get to know your couch a LOT better than you ever expected to.
In case you don't want to watch the video of cute redhead describing the best way to bang a couch, here's how to do it.
HOW TO MAKE
Materials: Ziploc bag, scissors, lubricant
1. Cut the seal strip off of your Ziploc bag
2. Squirt lubricant into the bag, make sure it covers the whole bag.
3. Bring the plastic bag over to your couch and put it under a cushion.
4. Get in the bag.
5. Push down on the couch for more pressure.
"Realistic" Homemade Sleeve (Complicated)
This is probably the most complicated sex toy on this list, but it is sturdy, reusable, cleanable and reliable. If you have a free Sunday afternoon, go nuts, but this'll take a bit longer than the other ones.
There are many tutorials on how to melt wax using professional tools you can "buy" or shaping plastic molds, etc., etc., but those are not only way too much work, but their material cost (as well as time strain) are way more than it would be to just get a Fleshlight (or any other competing sex toy or "sleeve").
Here's one that is absolutely professional looking, using only household items (and a diaper).
Here's the YouTube clip that is really a bunch of words and still pictures set to a soundtrack that makes you feel like you're building a bomb.
Here are the instructions along with links to pictures for help. This is what it must've felt like when Luke had to build his own Lightsaber.
May the force be with you.
HOW TO MAKE
Materials: A plastic Wilson Tennis Ball container ($2 for a can of 3), a pair of thick dishwashing gloves, the kind with the longer sleeve ($1-$3 a pair), a box of Magnum XL lubricated condoms (non-spermicidal), a bunch of thick rubber bands, a basic absorbant diaper (of any kind, we'll be using the absorption beads on the inside, so don't worry what kind you get) ($1-$6 a pair), a pair of scissors, a glass of water, a sharpie, KY Jelly (not for use, but actually goes into the making).
1. Empty the contents out of the tennis ball container and take off the outer wrapping.
Then, with your scissors, make a small hole on the bottom of one of the corners of the container for ventilation.
If you skip this step, there will be nowhere for the air to go when something goes inside it.
2. Open one of the condoms and completely unroll it. Squirt some KY Jelly inside to the bottom, use a decent a mount, but not a ton.
Open and unroll another condom, and with the Sharpie, push the second condom down inside the first condom, "double bagging it" in a sense.
Make sure the condom goes all the way down. Repeat this as many times as you like. The more you use, the tighter it will be. You want to use at least Five.
The lubrication between each condom helps replicate the feeling of moving soft tissues.
When you're done with this part, it will look something like this: click here.
3. Take the diaper and completely open it flat. Get your scissors and cut along the line where the lining for the diaper is.
The top and bottom should easily separate. Try your best to keep the absorbant material together, and not fall apart.
Click here for where to cut. This is where gel crystals live (more on that later)
The absorbant material is to be put aside for now.
It will be used as liner inside the container.
Leave the material on one side of the diaper outer layers to keep it all together and not make a mess.
4. Take your scissors and cut the tips off all the fingers of both dishwashing gloves.
Work one glove inside the other. It doesn't have to be "neat", in fact you want it a little bit in disorder.
Next, carefully take the absorbant material and loosely wrap it around the gloves, but take a little piece of the material off and drop it into the bottom of the container. Make sure you leave about 2-3 inches of glove tops unwrapped to fold over.
Take the newly wrapped gloves and slide it down inside the container, leaving a decent amount to wrap over the sides of the container to make "lips".
Next, take your glass of water and start pouring it down inside along the sides onto the absorbent material. Don't worry about leaking, the material is super absorbent and actually turns into gel crystals.
Click here to see what this looks like. Gel crystals!
Fully saturate all absorbent material until you see all the material getting fully drenched.
Be careful, it expands and it will replicate something solid to work with and will add weight to the toy.
Next, fold over the sleeves of the glove over the rim of the container.
Stretch two ends oblong to replicate "lips" and secure a thick rubber band. I would use two or three.
Click here to see what this looks like.
5. Take the condoms you put together, and with the Sharpie, work them down into the hole of the container with a bit sticking out the top to allow for folding over.
Click here to see what THIS looks like.
6. Lastly, simply take the tops off the condoms and fold them over the rim of the container. Try to get them a good half inch past the rim for security.
Be careful of your nails (not to rip them). Put them all on at once, this helps avoid any ripping.
When secured over the hrim, use a couple of thick rubber band sto keep them nice and tight around the edge.
And that's it!!!
When you're done, it should look like the picture above (on this item).
Use whatever lube you think is best and have fun!
If ANYONE tries this, please let everyone know how it went in the comments.