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Batman Slapped in Vegas
In May of 2011, a video surfaced of The Dark Knight getting treated like a groper at a club. This video of Batman getting slapped could only have happened in Las Vegas; where absolutely nothing is sacred.
Doesn't this guy know that this is Batman? One of the world's greatest superheroes of all time? Well, apparently, what happens in Gotham stays in Gotham. *Dodges a thrown fruit*. I'll be here all week.
So here's how it goes down.
Batman attempts to lead off the epic showdown by slapping his opponent, without using anything from his utility belt. Just like the real Batman. A slap. No fists, no no, just slapping. Like a middle school girl who's angry at another, slightly skinnier, middle school girl. And a lot of posing, because nothing's more important than looking cool when you're getting your ass kicked.
And then, some more slapping.
This goes very, very bad quickly (body-slamming is involved) and the Cape Crusader is eventually left sprawled out on the pavement, not having used a single one of his fighting skills. Maybe he was just holding back, like Superman always does, just so he wouldn't kill the other guy?
Yes. This is most likely what happened.
I mean, look at this guy.
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Shadow Hare Wounded While Protecting CincinnatiShadow Hare walks the streets of Cincinnati to try and stop crime and clean up the city. This caped crusader, a member of the so-called "Allegiance of Heroes," has risked his life more than once to help the citizens of Cincy.
Shadow Hare says in 2007, he was injured as he tried to help a woman who was being robbed.
He suffered a dislocated shoulder.
Thankfully, this real-life superhero recovered. He went on to roam the city for several more years, armed with his weapons of choice: tasers, handcuffs and pepper spray, hoping to keep everyone safe using the tools a mall cop uses, only with less visibility and a heavier uniform.
Where is Shadow Hare today?
Cincinnati media haven't reported any Shadow Hare sightings in quite a while - but WLWT-TV reports that he's joined forces with the U.S. Military. Thank God.
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Batman and Spider-Man Beat Down a Thug in HollywoodThis is pretty awesome.
It's Marvel and DC, teaming up to deliver a serious beat down on a thug on Hollywood's Walk of Fame. The last time Batman and Spider-Man had a team-up, Batman refused to work with him at first. In this one, it looks like Bats is keeping Spidey in line and then coming back to pick up the pieces and take out the trash.
Spider-Man begins beating the hell of what is ostensibly a shoplifter, or some kind of low-level criminal who didn't know that he was in the midst of some real-life superheroes (or guys who have a lot of pent up rage from working around tourists 8 hours a day).
It's kind of a sad moment when some young-sounding woman yells for Spider-Man to stop. BUT a great moment comes when everyone sees Batman come along and are slightly encouraging him, yet not wanting him to go overboard.
It is hard to keep Spider-Man in line.
One lady actually yells "The police are coming, Batman!" as if to say "help is on the way, don't worry, Batman!"
How many times in life do you get to reassure a person who's delivering justice, call him Batman and for that to make sense.
At the end of the video, we have a man sweeping up the mess. Which goes to show that in every comic book, in every cartoon and in every movie, the real heroes are the ones who clean up the mess that superheroes make in every city they decide to destroy just because one of them's butthurt about something.
Why can't superheroes just always get along like on the internet?
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Nacho Libre AttackedAll Nacho Libre (who yes, counts as a superhero) wants to do is fight crime and keep Hollywood Boulevard safe. That and milk the popularity of a cult comedy that everyone pretty much forgot about.
Unfortunately, in October of 2008, Nacho Libre suffered a serious beat down (a real-life superhero getting his ass beat? No way!)
Some random dude started wailing on Nacho, throwing punch after punch.
Libre was obviously surprised, caught off guard and unable to summon his powers of defense.
So what prompted the beating? The dude's friend says he has nooooooooo idea, but somebody got rubbed the wrong way.
Maybe he saw Nacho Libre? Or maybe he just loves nuns. Also, you probably don't get that last joke. Why? Because nobody saw Nacho Libre.
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Superhero Attacked by Civilian
People who live in Seattle have their very own superhero protecting them. 'Phoenix Jones' is a masked crusader who helps to fight crime anywhere he can in the city. One of his heroic accomplishments was reporting a possible drunk driver to the police.
Unfortunately, in January of 2011, Phoenix Jones became a victim himself. What civilian would ever attack a superhero? Well, apparently, one that loves crime.
Jones was apparently trying to break up a brawl when one of the brawlers "turned on him", which I guess... is weird... for a brawler?
Jones was thrown to the ground, held down (at gunpoint!) and then repeatedly kicked.
He suffered a broken nose and, probably, a seriously bruised superego, but was otherwise okay.
Jones says he's going to continue his superhero efforts in the city, saying, "I train for these situations, I don't just come out willy nilly and just run on the streets!"
So sleep safe, Seattle. You're in capable hands. Capable, masked, "I can't tie my shoes in these gloves" hands.
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