Woman's Mouth Impregnated by Squid SpermMany normal folk have hang-ups about eating "raw" seafood, but I've never been one to ask "Why?" because, y'know, more for me. I assume it has something to do with health, whatwith other kinds of undercooked meat causing all sorts of salmonellas and e. colis and other unpleasant whathaveyous. Maybe they even think the fishies might still be sort of alive and could swim around inside their persons? Some people are crazy.
But this 63 year-old woman got something else disgusting when she ate some partially cooked squid in South Korea in June 2012. As she bit into a part of the delicious dish - which still had its organs intact - she felt a "pricking and foreign-body sensation" in her squidhole. She spat it out. Pew! Gross.
She was too late. Pods of squid semen had already shot into her mouth, impregnating the mucous membranes of her tongue, cheek, and gingiva. Doctors later removed the "twelve small, white spindle-shaped, bug-like organisms" called spermatophores and also identified a sperm sack somewhere in the mix. They didn't have eyes or little baby tentacles or anything, but still, they were the products of animal sperm living inside her mouth.
This wasn't the first case of this happening, either. In December 2011, another poor sap got this report from the doctor:
The sperm bags of the squid had thrust into the squamous epithelium (inner lining) of the patient's hard palate (roof of the mouth).Who's hungry?
The remaining part of the raw squid consisted of the testis and the sperm bags.
Botfly Lays Eggs in 5 Year-Old's EyeballThere are few things worse than getting something in your eye. On the scale of grand disasters, it ranks up there with genocide and drought, coming in just a hair above famine as one of the worst things ever. It's a real day-ruiner.
On the bright side, the temporary blindness is usually easy to alleviate. Simply remove the eyelash, piece of glitter, speck of dust, plank, whatever, and go on about your day. For one 5 year-old boy in Honduras, however, the solution was a bit more complicated (and expensive). That's because the thing in his eye was a Human Botfly.
Do yourself a favor and never, ever Google "botfly." And for the love of kittens, do NOT then click "Images."
These little buggers are very selfish. The lady botfly lays her eggs on the outside of another living creature (like a mosquito) that will drop them onto bigger animals so that when the eggs hatch, the larvae can squirm inside the host to brew. Some species of botfly prefer to burrow inside warm-blooded animals, like squirrels, horses, and human people.
A visit from a botfly parasite is usually not that hard to fix - a simple surgical procedure will do the trick. But the larva living inside the Honduran boy's face was 1) "late-stage" and 2) camped out in his anterior orbit. That meant the surgery required a Buñuel-style incision on the old conjunctiva.
Retroactive spoiler alert: Don't read this if you just ate.
Fish Swims Up 14 Year-Old's PeeholeI'm sure you've heard of that little fish (the candirú) that will swim into your peehole if you ever whip it out in the Amazon. It's real - and a real good reason to never whip it out in the Amazon.
But there's another creature-dingle story that you should know. Think of it as a cautionary tale about handling exotic pets.
In India, a 14 year-old-boy went to the hospital complaining of pain in his bladder and an inability to urinate. The doctors did an ultrasound and discovered an object in the bladder, blocking his urethra.
The boy was taken to surgery where the doctors cut him open. Can you guess what they found?
The fish (did you get it?) was 2 cm long and lodged all the way up inside his bladder. And here comes the best part. When asked how it got there, this was the boy's answer:
While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. While he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms.What do we say, team? Do we believe that a 14 year-old boy accidentally let something touch his donger?
After surgery, the boy was released, but taken to psychiatric counseling (for being a pervert?).
Eel Swims Up 56 Year-Old's PeeholeIn case the last one didn't make you cross your legs, here's another.
Leeches, maggots, seeing-eye dogs... There's a long colorful history of humans trying to make lesser animals do things for them. In England, rich people pay cash money to lay in spa pools and let little eels nibble the dead skin off their bodies. Hey, I'm not here to judge.
The process leaves the skin looking so fresh and so clean, and it's so effective that other countries have hopped on board the eel spa bandwagon. In 2011, 56 year-old Zhang Nan went for treatment at one such establishment in China, but he was never the same again.
Nan was laying in the pool when he started to feel something sharp tugging at his penis. He looked down to see a small eel working its way up into his urethra. According to Nan, he tried to grab it and pull it out, but the little fish was too slippery. Its body working like a lubricant (gag), the eel disappeared inside Nan's peen shaft in a matter of seconds.
The victim was taken to hospital and immediately put into surgery. After three hours, the animal was removed. It was six inches long.
Forgive me, but sometimes the cost of beauty is just too much.
Maggots Grow Inside Guy's ScalpYou know that feeling you get when someone says, like, "There's a small spider in your hair," and for a second, you can feel it? Your head starts itching, your scalp tingling itching, and you would swear you can feel your hair moving. Only after sufficient scratching / flailing / shrieking to ensure that there is not, in fact, a spider on your head oh no wait it's on your neck now oh god it's crawling on your shirt hang on hold still let me get it... only then does the horror and sensational torture subside. Afterward, you feel crazy.
But sometimes, sometimes there is a bug on your head. But no one tells you until it's too late.
In 2007, Colorado native Aaron Dallas was having the worse case of itchy scalp in his life. It had been weeks since it started. He had tried special shampoos, ointments, and even salves (whatever those are), but nothing would help.
Over time, the itching took on a life of its own. Dallas said he could feel his scalp moving. He felt sharp pains that knocked him to his knees.
I'd put my hand back there and feel them moving. I thought it was blood coursing through my head. I could hear them. I actually thought I was going crazy.What "they" were, of course, were maggots. Five baby botfly larva implanted in his dome by a mosquito, probably during a trip to Belize earlier in the year.
When doctors get Dallas under the knife, they found open pit in his scalp that was crawling with the bugs, all about half the size of a penny.
It really makes you scratch your head.
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