The 9 Weirdest Ways Kids Are Getting High Lately Anything
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The 9 Weirdest Ways Kids Are Getting High Lately

List of weird ways to get high as reported by strange news stories all over the world. If there’s one thing we’ve all agreed on, it’s that being sober sucks. As Samuel Beckett once said, “taking coffee without brandy is like taking sex without love.” That’s really only tangentially related to this article, but man, what a great quote, huh? Here are some weird new ways kids have been getting high lately.
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  1. 1

    Meow Meow (Mephedrone)



    What is It?
    A totally legal way to get stoned. Mephedrone, or "Meow Meow" (because kids are stupid) is a powerful stimulant that's mainly available online.

    What's It Do?
    According to that article, Mephedrone causes "heightened awareness, excitement, alertness, lowered inhibitions and talkativeness.”


    So it’s basically a “make yourself more annoying” drug.

    Are We Serious About This?
    Can we be serious about a drug named after the mispronunciation of Mjolnir from the Thor movie? Or kittens? Compared to some other drugs out there, it basically just sounds like really killer coffee, but when combined with alcohol it can cause circulatory problems. The fact that it's legal probably lures some younger users into a false sense of safety, which obviously compounds the dangers exponentially.

    It's probably more dangerous than weed, but less dangerous than alcohol.

  2. 2

    Cheese



    What is it?
    Cheese is Tylenol PM mixed with heroin. “So basically, it's heroin.” $2 heroin.

    What's it do?
    Makes you write fantastic music and then die.

    Are We Serious About This?
    Yes! Yes, we're serious about it! Heroin sucks a lot, and most of us will lose a friend to it one day. “Cheese” isn't something new and dangerous, it's something old and dangerous, which is a lot scarier because it means we've had plenty of time to figure out how to deal with it but haven’t.

    You know what causes teenage drug abuse? Genetics, depression, bullying, and other kinds of abuse.

    Does anyone really think that if kids had never figured out that you could mix heroin and tylenol PM, they wouldn't be getting themselves killed? This isn’t hard, people.

    Take meth, for example (don't actually take meth, though) – one of the chemical effects is increased confidence. Are we supposed to be surprised that addiction is linked to low self-esteem?


    Shockingly, “using meth makes you hideous” doesn’t make meth addicts feel better about themselves.

    I’m sorry I’ve gotten off topic here, but these “new drug” scares are all really stupid because addiction is less about the substance you’re using than the things that brought you to start using it in the first place. I’m not saying drugs are harmless, I’m saying that people are vastly overestimating their role in these situations.
    Yes, heroin is f**ked up and no, people shouldn’t use it. And yes, it's funny that kids are calling it “cheese” now, because that's a stupid name for a thing. But the funniest part of all of this isn't the drug, and it certainly isn’t the innocent kids dying while they do it– the funniest part is the old, condescending, senile mother-f***ers trying to blame a new generation of kids for a mess that's thousands of years old.

  3. 3

    Nutmegs



    What is it?
    You know… nutmeg. It's a seasoning. Some people put it in toothpaste.

    What's It Do?
    According to Squidoo.com: "when taken in large doses (nutmeg) has been found to give a buzz, or nutmeg high. …(nutmeg) can give you a nice buzz when taken in a moderate amount, but can cause nutmeg hallucinations and even death if an extremely large about is taken."

    That’s... that’s the least helpful description of a drug's effects ever. I can't believe they threw out the phrase "nutmeg hallucinations" as if that doesn't need any further explanation as to how it might differ from your run-of-the-mill, every-day hallucinations. Do you hallucinate nutmegs? Can an “extremely large amount” really cause death, or is it just "nutmeg” death?


    Well, now we know.

    Are We Serious About This?
    Yeah, kinda. It's been used recreationally, especially in India, since at least the late 19th century. Malcolm X even wrote about using it in his autobiography, though he referred to it as a "semi-drug." Its main perk is that it's so easy to find and use, but since the effects beyond a light buzz are dry mouth, dizziness and palpitations, it seems pretty unclear why anyone would bother.

  4. 4

    Catnip



    What is it?
    That weird green stuff that kind of resembles pot and makes your cat act like a goddamn idiot.

    What's it do?
    Sadly, it won't send you into the fit of excited euphoria that your cat enters. If you smoke Catnip with a mixture of Tobacco, it will give you a "mild euphoric" feeling. Since Catnip is a member of the mint family, smoking catnip basically gives your brain a mint. How pleasant that sounds to you probably depends a lot on your opinion of mint.


    "It's like an altoid for your brain!"

    Are We Serious About This?
    Proooooobably not. It's not gonna hurt you, and it's not gonna feel great either. It's like candy-cigarettes but slightly lamer.

  5. 5

    Vodka Tampons (And Eyeballs)



    What is it?
    If you've ever been drinking vodka and found yourself thinking "man, I sure wish this getting drunk process was more painful and less efficient!" then shut up, no you haven't. No one thinks that. No one would ever think that.

    Vodka Eyeballing and Vodka Tampons take the worst part of alcohol (it f**ks up your body) and makes it way, way worse while also managing to ruin the good part of alcohol (it makes you drunk) by limiting the dosage. This is the most tragically inefficient misuse of something awesome since Steven Seagal got sucked out of an airplane at the beginning of Executive Decision.


    If you’re on the box art, you should at least kill someone at some point.

    What's it Do?
    What do you mean? It's vodka–it makes your brain work not good.

    Are We Serious About this?
    I dunno man, are we? Unlike everything else on this list, we're not for one second challenging that, at its heart, this is a wonderful thing. After all, for most of human history, people have relished the opportunity of disabling large chunks of their brain so they have an excuse to cause property damage and regurgitate their innards all over the sidewalk with social impunity. The thing these teenagers don't understand is that we've been getting drunk for thousands of years, and we've figured out all the best ways.

    The window for that innovation has passed.

    Do you think if pouring that s**t into your eye was actually a good idea, we wouldn’t have a religious ritual built around it by now? Thousands of years of human civilization says that the mouth is the best place to put vodka, so shut up and take your medicine.

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