- 1Yes, I know, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, our favorite Jersey Shore reality star we love to hate, has a book deal. Why? Because apparently people need to read a book on how to get abs, groom themselves, and GTL (gym, tan, laundry). ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! If anyone needs to read a book on how to do these simple, everyday, mundane tasks, please do us all a favor and remove yourselves from society promptly. Go be a moron somewhere else, preferably a remote island off the coast of Antarctica.
- 2"Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story." I don't even know what to say besides the obvious. This kid is 16 flippin years old. Who the... What the... Ugh. Now I'm not saying I've never sang along to one of his songs because don't get me wrong, Justin Bieber knows how to deliver a catchy pop song, but a memoir?! At age 16? Preposterous! Hey Bieber kid, that is an unnecessary amount of colons in your title!
- 3I'll admit, I've grown quite fond of this little overcooked and over-seasoned Italian meatball. She amuses me late at night when no one else will. However, I'm willing to bet that Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's book is going to suck harder than a hungry, fat, Italian chick and you know what Cristiano Ronaldo says about fat chicks and sucking! And if you don't then crawl out from underneath your little algae ridden rock and google it.
- 4Ugh... Haven't we seen/heard enough of this MILF of a mess Kate Gosselin?! Alright you popped out 8 kids and then was a total bitch on reality TV. Good for you. Now hows abouts you stop being a vain, attention seeking, fame whore and start focusing on being a decent mother?
- 6Wait... What? I thought Tila Tequila died in a horrible juggaloo attack! Oh she's alive and writing books? crap. Her book is titled, "Hooking Up with Tila Tequila: A Guide to Love, Fame, Happiness, Success, and Being the Life of the Party." Are you fuggin sh*tting me?!?! Love?! Fame?! Success?! Life of the party?? So let me guess, to find love you should hookup with 12 different men and women on a reality TV show and contract 12 STD's, for fame you should parade around naked doing raunchy things in online videos, for success you should sing poorly and get pelted with f***s on stage, and in order to be the life of the party you should get really fugged up on drugs and alcohol then procede to take off your top and give blow jobs to anyone who promises you a book deal. So all of that will bring me happiness? Got it. Thanks for your insightful book Tila!
- 7Alright so Tori Spelling has written quite a few books. No surprise there. But now she has moved on to ::drum roll please:: children's books! Well if Madonna can do it then... no scratch that. Just don't do it. For the love of all the innocent children who just want to learn to read please don't.
- 8vTalk about riding out your 15 minutes of fame until you get saddle rash! Go away already you delusional, hypocritical, ignorant, fake tittied, beezy. Just because you rehearse your lines a million times before answering questions in a beauty pageant doesn't mean you are actually intelligent enough to write a book. The problem with girls like Carrie Prejean is that as pretty as they may be, when they open their mouths to speak, diarrhea spews out in the form of words.
- 9Let me guess the book is called "Don't Hassel the Hoff?" That would be funny. Wait it is? I honestly can't tell if the existence of this book is real or if it is an internet spoof. I am having a hard time believing anyone would publish a book titled, "Don't Hassel the Hoff: The Autobiography."
- 10So Paris Hilton's already written not one but two books. "Confessions of an Heiress: Tongue-and-Chic Pic Behind the Pose" and "Heiress Diary: Confess It All to Me." Please tell me no one actually bought this cotton candy crap.
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