- 1+ 10- 0
I Shoot People in the Facev
Brick Oodie: "All right you got a job. You clean toilets or cut grass or whatever the hell it is you do. This is what I do. I shoot people in the face. You understand me? Somebody wanted you gone, you know who they came to. This guy right here, you know? Now I'm sorry, but just so you know, I just, this ain't nothing personal, all right?"
McQueen Oodie: "You ain't gonna believe this."
Brick Oodie: "Yeah?"
McQueen: "We got the wrong house."
As the soon-to-be victim pleads for his life, Brock Oodie explains that there are no hard feelings, that he is simply doing his job. People pay him to kill criminals and he does that. At least he and his redneck brothers try to kill the right people.
- 2+ 5- 0
Get My Godson Backv
Celeste: "I'm Celeste. I was hoping to acquire your services."
McQueen Oodie: "You got the wrong fellas."
Celeste: "Get my godson back from my ex-husband."
When Celeste witnesses one of the Oodie brothers' killings, she uses that chance to get them to agree to helping her. The plan is simple, get back her godson from her ex-husband.
- 3+ 5- 0
McQueen Oodie: "Nothing?"
Brick Oodie: "Nope"
McQueen Oodie: "Not even half?"
Brick Oodie: "Uh uh"
McQueen Oodie: "Somethin's gotta change. Risk our own necks for no money, that's bulls***. I'm about tired of us getting f***ed six ways to Sunday. You hear me? God dang, man! I was gonna put a pool in the backyard."
For as much nonsense as McQueen Oodie says, he actually does have a point here. The brothers really shouldn't work for free, especially in their line of work. If nothing else, they should be able to afford a nice backyard pool.
- 4+ 1- 0
Wal-Mart of Bottom-Dollar Retail Crimev
Carlos: "This is what I'm talking about, clean lines, nothing to profile, none of that spinner, hydraulic s*** to get you lit up. What I'm talking about Sal is you transporting anything and everything in this pretty old Hyundai Sonata and here's the reason why, hidden compartment coated with coffee bean and talcum paste. No drug dog on the planet earth can sniff out. The space is worry free and this time next month I'm have a f***ing fleet of them."
Sal: "Damn, that's tight."
Carlos: "Hear that father, 'that is tight.' So what do you say, boys, you want to take a few road trips for me?"
Sal: "Absof***inglutely, Carlos."
Padre: "We sure don't mind being your f***ing little mule, Don Carlos, but we gotta talk about our cut. We're the one doing all the risks." Carlos: "You know I just remembered something. I need batteries and toilet paper. And I need to get that Brad Pitt movie, the one where he turns back into a f***ing baby, running low on milk, a few things. Wonder where I can get all these items at one convenient location?"
Carlos: "Wal-f***ing-Mart, that's it. I love the way you put f***ing in the middle of a word like that. I want to start using that s***. See guys, I kind of look at my future empire as the Wal-Mart of bottom-dollar retail crime but you know we can't all be Sam Walton. It's my job. When my foot soldiers start talking about s*** like cuts and percentages and things like that, see that's partner talk and I don't need a partner. I need stockers and cashiers and mercenaries and mules and in your case, Padre, dime bag dealers from the lawn department, coincidentally where I found you. Now Padre I like you, I really do I like your son too. I really appreciate all the s*** you done for me that god wouldn't be proud of but something you just have to stop them before they start. See partnership leads to ambition. Ambition leads to a word they don't use much anymore, mutiny. Porque tu no me quieres."
Carlos isn't just some mom and pop drug dealer. He has big dreams. Those dreams include making his operation a household name, not one where partners are constantly asking about cuts and percentages.
- 5+ 1- 0
Just Get My Boy Backv
Carlos: "Lemme tell you how this is going to end. I sent some really awful bitches to handle the situation. Yeah, I guess if you do the math five whore assassins can't trump three mouth-breathing retards and a cripple. Just get my boy back."
When the swarm of beauties with boom sticks fails to get Rob back from the Oodie brothers, Carlos calls in another group to get the job done, a group of Native American hunters.
- 6+ 1- 0
Rose: "Well hi, big guy. Here's my boom stick."
Lucky: "Hey, hey don't be f***ing around up there!"
Things go from awesome to very bad quickly after the brothers are ambushed by a group of gorgeous female assassins in a bar. The bar owner, Lucky, may seem to be distracted at the time but his role in identifying the brothers will surely come into play later on.
- 7+ 0- 0
McQueen Oodie: "Open up! We got a warrant for a Hector Dollar Taco."
Victim: "You've got 10 seconds to get off my stoop."
McQueen Oodie: "Just take a step back and take a look at our protective…"
Though it's safe to say that they don't actually have a warrant for someone named Hector Dollar Taco, the Oodie boys do have an order to kill the man on the other side of that door.
- 8+ 0- 0
Simple Smash and Grab
- 9+ 0- 0
Carlos Will Do Anything
Celeste: "Carlos killed Rob's parents. Rob has a trust that matures when he's 18. Carlos will do anything to get it."
McQueen Oodie: "Why didn't he just kill you in the first place?"
Celeste: "He tried."
After things get tricky for the Oodie brothers, Celeste fills them in on some details that she previously left out, including the fact that Rob will soon be very wealthy and that ex-husband of hers will kill anyone in his way of that cash.
- 10+ 0- 0
As Long as You're Sorry
Carlos: "The hell happened?"
Carlos's Heavy Guard: "They took the kid. Sorry, boss."
Carlos: "Okay, as long as you're sorry, I guess that's all that matters."
Following the Oodie brothers stealing Rob, one of Carlos's heavy guards apologizes for not stopping them. Hey, an apology is worth something, right?