Dr. Evil Therapy
Dr. Evil: "Very well. Where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, an Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my t*******s. There really is nothing like a shorn s*****m, it's breathtaking I suggest you try it."Is there any doubt why Dr. Evil is so...well...evil? No, no there isn't. Definitely one of the funniest monologues in the 'Austin Powers' series!
Do I Make You Horny?
Austin Powers: "Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?"
Vanessa: "I hope this is part of the unfreezing process."
Throw Me a Frickin' Bone Here!
Dr. Evil: "Gentlemen, I have a plan. It's called blackmail. The Royal Family of Britain are the wealthiest landowners in the world. Either the Royal Family pays us an exorbitant amount of money, or we make it seen that Prince Charles has had an affair outside of marriage and therefore would have to divorce!"
Number Two: "Prince Charles *did* have an affair. He admitted it, and they are now divorced."
Dr. Evil: "Right, people you have to tell me these things, okay? I've been frozen for thirty years, okay? Throw me a frickin' bone here! I'm the boss! Need the info."