A list of funny quotes from the 2011 summer comedy "The Hangover Part 2," starring Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis and Ken Jeong. Fans who missed 'The Hangover Part 2' in theaters will get their chance to see the movie before the year is out: Warner Bros. plans to release the movie on DVD in December 2011.
'The Hangover Part 2,' a sequel to the hit 2009 comedy "The Hangover," follows the misadventures of three friends who find themselves lost and adrift following a wild night out in Bangkok, Thailand. The film was written and directed by Todd Phillips, whose previous work includes the first "Hangover," "Due Date," "Old School," "Road Trip" and other ensemble comedies. (NOTE: The film is R-rated and some of the quotes below may contain profanity.)
Despite lukewarm reviews, 'The Hangover Part 2' had a strong box office showing. In its opening weekend, the movie took in a stunning $86 million. As of September 2011, 'The Hangover Part 2' had grossed well over $254 million in the U.S., making it one of the biggest comedies of 2011.
Alan: "None of you know Stu like I do. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one. I can’t even tell you what we’ve been through because we made a pact, more important than blood. What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu’s first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago…"
Alan begins his speech rather awkwardly by reading some ""facts"" about Thailand, possibly copied from Wikipedia. He then moves into the body of his address, which sets out to prove that (1) he is Stu's best friend and (2) he should not tell the assembled wedding guests about the sordid details of the guys' trip to Vegas. It doesn't really go all that well.
Alan: "When a monkey nibbles on a penis, its funny in every language!"
During the movie, the gang encounters a Buddhist monk who has taken a vow of silence. Alan plays a joke on the monk during a long bus ride by sticking a banana under his robe (made to resemble an erect penis), which in turn attracts a hungry monkey. The ensuing laughter from everyone on the bus - American and Thai alike - confirms the universality of bathroom humor.
Phil: "Oh it’s ok. No it’s ok. It’s a bachelor party. Drink up everybody. Oh wait, there’s no alcohol I forgot we’re at a f**king IHOP!"
Phil (Cooper) is distressed to find that his uptight friend Stu, still processing the chaos that occurred after the first film's bachelor party, has decided to skip out on the rite of passage and just have brunch at IHOP instead. Seems like Phil would be more understanding than this, particularly considering that last time, the festivities resulted in broken teeth and marriages.
Stu: "Ya see that? That’s orange juice with a napkin on top. Ya know why? So nobody roofies me."
One of many "callbacks" in "Hangover 2" to the first film. In this case, Stu refers to Alan (Galifianakis) drugging everyone in the first film, leading to their wild night in Las Vegas.
Doug: "Stu would like to invite you to his wedding." Stu: "Well only if you’re not busy." Phil: "Stu?" Stu: "Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town." Alan: "Nope, they’re in Raleigh, Durham that weekend."
We learned about Alan's obsession with The Jonas Brothers in the first "Hangover," making this joke yet another callback.
Mr. Chow: "What's the matter, you never do blow before? Sometimes your heart stop, it start up again. Read a book."
Another shining example of one of Mr. Chow's best 'Hangover' movie quotes. How on earth could he ever be left off of any 'Hangover' or 'Hangover Part II' quotes list? Exactly.
Alan: [Entering a monastery] "What is this a P.F. Chang’s?"
Alan's total lack of culture, or even grasp of the notion that not all foreign countries are precisely like America, is a constant refrain during "Hangover 2." Perhaps his ignorance is most notable in the sequence set in Thailand's (fictitious!) Ching Mei monastery.
Alan: "I’ve been uh meaning to ask someone. I noticed it’s a fishing village. Is there a Long John Silvers on the island?" Lauren: "No, no I don’t think so. I’m so sorry." Stu: "But, we are actually serving some great fresh seafood." Alan: "Better than Long Johns?" Stu: "Yes." Alan: "I’ll be the judge of that."
Alan has something of a tough time adjusting to day-to-day life in Thailand. First off, he keeps calling it "Thigh-land." But even more distressing, he refuses to indulge in the local cuisine, preferring American staples like the seafood-heavy chain Long John Silver's.
Alan: "I got a text from Chow." Stu: "What time?" Alan: "Ah, 10 o’clock last night." Phil: "What’s it say?" Alan: "On my way…..n*ggas."
Alan is at first excited to find that he has received a text from Mr. Chow, possibly containing vital clues to what they got up to the night before. Unfortunately, it does not contain helpful information of any kind. Just racial slurs.
Mr. Chow: "I explain it all ok? Just let me get one bump. Get my head straight."
Yes, the irrepressible Leslie Chow (Jeong) returns in "Hangover 2," joining the guys in Bangkok for Stu's wedding despite not really making too many friends last time. The self-appointed "international criminal" was out with the guys on their big night out that none of them remember, but before he relates any essential information, he insists on doing a bit of cocaine first. This is pretty much never a good idea.
Alan: "My uncle Roger said he once saw an albino polar bear." Stu: "Polar bears are white. How would be know it's an albino?" Alan: "This one was black." Stu: "Isn't that just a black bear?" Alan: "Whatever."
Albino polar bears are black. Remember this, the same way you remembered that tigers love pepper and hate cinnamon!
During the course of scanning Bangkok for his f*ture brother-in-law and coming to grips with his horrifying behavior of the night before (sorry to be vague, but we're avoiding spoilers!), Stu basically gives up on having a normal life. He concludes that his apparent weakness for prostitutes will always get the better of him in the end, and he'd be better off starting a new life in Thailand.
Doug: "What’s going on? Where are you guys?" Phil: "I don’t know man. We woke up in some s**thole room in some city." Doug: "Oh god, what city?" Phil: "I don’t know Doug. F**king Asiatown!"
When they group has reached their lowest point, convinced they will not be able to recover their lost compatriot nor find their way back home, Phil is forced to call their old buddy Doug (Justin Bartha) for assistance. Unfortunately, he doesn't even know what city they're in (we find out later that it's Bangkok) or how they can be found. Sounds like a situation that's ripe for comic possibilities!
Alan: "I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe one day..."
Poor Alan - he has to bid farewell to his beloved monkey friend. This is one unusual monkey though, so maybe Skype is a possibility? Obviously the monkey is a star now...
Phil: "Stu, come on, get up. We got a situation." Stu: (Moaning) "Where are we? Oh my God Alan - you're head!" Alan: "No, your head!" Phil: "You're gonna freak out - but it's gonna be okay." Stu: (Seeing his new face tattoo in the mirror) "This is a real tattoo! Alan, what did you do?! Did you roofie me?!" Alan: "I didn't do anything."
Grand Wizard: "Perhaps you should bring your question to the Garden of Meditation." Phil: "Did you understand a word he just said?" Stu: "Yeah I understood about two thirds. He said something about the Garden of Meditation." Alan: "No he said he's farting because of his medication."
Phil: "And her dad hates you." Stu: "He doesn’t hate me. He’s just never spoken to me. I think it’s a cultural thing."
In the film, the gang has reassembled in Thailand to see Stu (Ed Helms) marry the beautiful Lauren (Jamie Chung). Unfortunately, as we soon discover, Jamie's stern father does not seem to feel that Stu is worthy of his daughter's hand in marriage. Things get further complicated when Stu and his friends accidentally lose the man's favorite son in the streets of Bangkok literally hours later...
Stu Price: (Singing) ""Well, we're living here in Alan Town, and he's driven our lives into the ground. When we woke up we were wasted and drunk. Phil got shot - we got beaten by a monk. I was happy and my life was good. Getting married like a dentist should. Roasting marshmallows on a stick - I fot f**ked in the ass, by a girl with a dick." Phil: ""Ha ha, I remember that." Stu Price: (Still singing) ""And we're living here in Alan Town. But they're taking Teddy's finger now. And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose my s**t, and shoot Alan in the face - and shoot myself."" Alan: ""You totally butchered that song." Stu Price: ""You totally butchered my life."
While nothing, absolutely nothing, will ever be as funny as Stu's ""Doug Song,"" this one, set to Billy Joel's ""Allentown,"" comes pretty close.
Phil: "Do you ever do anything that doesn't end in a stand-off, Chow?" Mr. Chow: "I a international criminal. It always ends like this. I met my wife at one of these things." Stu Price: "You have a wife?" Mr. Chow: "Yeah, we married fifteen years. Whatsa matter, Mr. Chow not good-looking enough for woman?"
Not surprisingly, Mr. Chow has some of the absolute best, most totally inappropriate and offensive comments in the movie. All hail, Mr. Chow!
Mr. Chow: "Hold on, gay boys!" (Hits hanging pig, spewing blood all over a screaming Stu) Alan: "Oh my word!" Mr. Chow: "Ha ha, sorry Stu my bad."
Stu is trying mightily to get the monkey back into the car, as Mr. Chow eludes the guys' pursuers. Unfortunately, Stu winds up wearing much of a dead pig in the backseat.
Alan: "None of you know Stu like I do. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one. I can’t even tell you what we’ve been through because we made a pact, more important than blood. What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu’s first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago…"
Phil: "Oh it’s ok. No it’s ok. It’s a bachelor party. Drink up everybody. Oh wait, there’s no alcohol I forgot we’re at a f**king IHOP!"
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The Best Hangover 2 Quotes at 9/14/2011 10:22 AM