The Best True Blood Quotes By Movie and TV Quotes [174 more lists]

HBO's hit television series True Blood has been filled with funny and memorable lines from the very first episode when viewers were first introduced to the characters of Sookie, Bill, Jason, Arlene, Lafayette, Tara and Sam, to name a few. Each of the characters in the show bring something special to the table, as you will see below. These are some of the best quotes from True Blood.

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Eric's Maker

Sookie: "He's your maker, isn't he?"
Eric: "Don't use words you don't understand."
Sookie: "You have a lot of love for him."
Eric: "Don't use words I don't understand."

Poor Eric!
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Teacup Humans

Pam to Arlene's kids: "You make me so happy I never had any of you."
Eric: "Now come on, Pam, they're funny. They're like humans, but miniature -- teacup humans."

The way Eric delivers his "teacup human" line is priceless.
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Eric's Regret

Eric: "Here's the truth. There are forces beyond even my control. If I meet the true death without ever having kissed you, Sookie Stackhouse, that would be my biggest regret."
Sookie: "Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye to me?"
Eric: "Because I am."

And then they kiss! And what a steamy one it was. It left more than a few fans of the show with an increased heart rate.
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Eric's Hair

Eric: "Is there blood in my hair?"
Lafayette: "I... I don't know. I can't see in this light."
Eric: "How about now?"
Lafayette: "Y... yeah t... there's a little bit of blood in there, yeah."
Eric: "This is bad. Pam is going to kill me."

And this marked the transition from long-haired Eric to shorter-haired Eric.
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Hamburger with AIDS

Lafayette: ""'Scuse me. Who ordered the hamburger....with AIDS?
Redneck: ""I ordered the hamburger deluxe."
Lafayette: ""In this restaurant, a hamburger deluxe comes with french fries, lettuce, tomato, mayo, and AIDS! Do anyone got a problem wit dat?
Redneck: ""Yeah, I'm an American,and I got a say in who makes my food.
Lafayette: ""Aw baby, it's too late for that. F*ggots been breeding your cows, raisin' your chickens, even brewin' your beer long before I walked my sexy ass up in this mother f**ker. Everything on your God damn table got AIDS.
Redneck: ""Well, you still ain't making me eat no AIDS burger."
Lafayette: ""Well all you gots to do is say hold the aids here. Here, eat it! bitch, you come into my house ,you gonna eat the food the way I f**kin' make it! Do you understand me? Tip your waitress."

This scene between Lafayette and several customers at Merlotte's was full of tension. One can definitely understand why Lafayette got upset.
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Vampire Bits

Pam: "There's vampire in your cleavage."
Sookie: "Oh, okay, eww! "
Pam: "Allow me. Here, let me get that for you."

This is another classic Pam moment. It was so helpful of her to remove the vampire bits from Sookie's cleavage.
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Eric's Bullet Wound

Sookie to Eric: "How's your bullet wound?"
Eric to Sookie: "Well, it would have healed a lot faster if you had..."
Sookie to Eric: "I will never fall for that again."
Eric to Sookie: "Maybe the next time you shoot me."

If Sookie doesn't want to help Vampire Eric, they're are plenty of women that would be more than willing to lend a hand.
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Bill and Pam

Bill: "Tell me, do you enjoy livin' halfway up his backside the way you do?"
Pam: "Yes, it's nice. You should try it sometime."

Pam's dry sense of humor is great. The show wouldn't be the same without her.
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Jason's Manhood Issue

"I've got gout of the dick!"

This is perhaps one of the funniest scenes on True Blood. Jason Stackhouse's discomfort and embarrassment is evident and makes for one very humorous scene. Kids, stay away from V. You don't want to end up like Jason.
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Lafayette's a Survivor

Pam: ""I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets."
Lafayette: ""Don't get it twisted hunny. I'm a survivor first, a capitalist second, and a whooole bunch-a otha' s**t after that, but a hooka' dead last, so if I got even a Jew at an Al Qaeda pep rally shot at gettin' my black-ass outta this mutha' f**ka', I'm takin' it; Now whatch' you wanna know?"

How can you not love Pam? Her character in the television series is far better than the one in the books.
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Watch How Fast I Type

Franklin: ""Now Tara, watch how fast I type m**********r!"

Those are some impressive texting skills, Franklin!
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Lorena & a Ribcage Hat

Sookie: "If you do kill him, I will kill you."
Lorena: "Oh please, please try. Without that sanctimonious little prick, Godric, to save you, I would just love to rip you open and wear your ribcage as a hat."

Lorena is one of the evilest female vampires...EVER!
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Poor Hoyt

Hoyt: "You should try the chicken-fried steak. 'Cause, it's like a chicken and a steak got together and made a baby. It's delicious, crispy baby and … uh…"

This is the scene where Hoyt and Jessica first meet. He is just so sweet and endearing in this clip. You can't help but say "Awe!"
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They're All Scared of Me

Lafayette: ""You look like a porn star with that tan and pink lipstick. You gotta date?"
Sookie: ""No. When I wear makeup, I get bigger tips."
Lafayette: ""Yes, girl. Let's here it! These damn redneck are suckers for packaging."
Sookie: ""And I get even bigger tips when I act like I don't have a brain in my head. But if I don't, they're all scared of me."
Lafayette: ""They ain't scared of you, honey child. They scared of what's between your legs."

This is another classic Lafayette line.
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Jason and Vampire blood

Tara: "Giving Jason Stackhouse vampire blood is like giving Ho-Hos to a diabetic. You know he can't control himself."

A truer line has never been spoken. Jason Stackhouse has no control over himself. He's like an overexcited puppy who pees all over the floor every time you say hi to him.
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Jessica Vs. Arlene

Arlene: ""It was only a matter of time before one of yall got caught on film."
Jessica: ""Okay, we get it. You don't like vampires. Well, I don't like narrow-minded, skinny bitches with bad dye jobs, but at least I have the courtesy to keep my mouth shut. Most of the time. I suggest you do the same."

In this scene, Jessica finally loses her cool with Arlene. It was a long time coming.
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Cousinly Love

Lafayette: ""Hey, hookah. How you doin’? What you doin’ here?"
Tara: ""I work here."
Lafayette: ""Oh, no! The hell you don’t."
Tara: ""Oh, yes, the hell I do too, you ugly bitch. You need to make peace with that."

Lafayette and Tara just scream cousinly love. Anytime these two have a scene together, there's at least one line that will crack you up. Usually.
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