The Biggest Hippie Scumbags of All Time People
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The Biggest Hippie Scumbags of All Time

Hippies: A bunch of harmless kids with long hair who love flowers and trippy jam bands and pot-smoking and peace. Right? That's the image we've been presented with for the past 30 years or so in the media. Which makes sense, when you consider a large portion of the people controlling that media were those kids only a few short decades ago.

Is that the whole truth about who the "flower children" were? Not remotely. Sure, it's become fashionable of late to deride or mock hippies. (And what future generations don't, at some point, make sport of the previous generation's counter-culture?) But too often, we focus on the mildly irritating hippie sins - the smelliness and lack of hygiene, the preference for noodling around on the electric guitar when a good old-fashioned power chord would do, their tendency to wear tie-die outside of a "Groovy '60s"-themed fraternity party.

But among these simple, goofy, free-spirited naifs who just wanted free love and Peter Max posters lurked some seriously messed-up, dark individuals. People who couldn't really handle the trip, as it were, and ended up freaking out the establishment, often in the worst possible way. Some by creating genuine havoc in people's lives. Some by committing some seriously atrocious, baffling crimes. And others just by reminding us that even an upbeat movement based around Jefferson Airplane songs and headbands could still inspire angry, mean-spirited sickos.

So here's a list of the true hippie scumbags, the worst of the worst that the Age of Aquarius had to over. Far out, man.
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  1. 8

    Luke Chrisco

    Luke Chrisco (aka "Skye Oryan") captured the imagination of the world when he was caught hiding inside a porta potty (INSIDE) at a Boulder, Colorado, yoga festival, where he was watching women...take care of business. As if just attending a yoga festival weren't bad enough.

    You see, Skye was living in the woods in France a few years back (like you do...) when he got the idea to hide in a ladies' locker room and spy on the women therein. "These chicks started showing up that I never had a chance with. But I figured at least I can see them change or something," he explained to the Daily Camera. He didn't then add the phrase "like a boss," but I think we can safely assume he thought it.

    In addition to his Boulder Yoga Festival escapade, Chrisco has admitted to drilling holes in restrooms all around Colorado, including several at the University of Boulder, and, in general, just being an massive perv.

    When local TV station FOX31 Denver asked him to explain himself, he explained "I was at the yoga festival, doing a little bit of yoga, and I’m just seeing all these goddesses. It seems crazy, but I just felt like I was being blessed by their energy, even though it was unintentional."

    But it's not just that he likes to watch women poop, you see. It's a RELIGIOUS observance..."I wanted to start a new goddess religion. I always wanted to be a pimp or create a church of porn or a church of tantric, someplace people could be spiritual but also instinctual."

    I'll tell you what's instinctual. Throwing up a bit in my mouth even thinking about this creep. Moving on!

  2. 7

    Sam Cutler

    Cutler was the tour manager and stage manager for some of the biggest names in rock in the late 1960s and early '70s, including the Grateful Dead, Eric Clapton, Pink Floyd and the Rolling Stones. Traveling with the Stones during their 1969 tour of America, Cutler was instrumental in planning a concert to be held in Northern California's Altamont speedway.

    Though the stories and remembrances of the events that preceded Altamont varied, what was never in doubt was that (1) Cutler was one of the primary people responsible for planning the event and (2) a day-long riot broke out, culminating in the Hells Angels biker gang brutally stabbing a man to death within feet of the stage.

    According to most reports, Cutler hired the Oakland chapter of the Hells Angels to provide security for the concert, "security" in this case consisting of sitting along the stage and drinking free beer. Good plan! I mean, BEER! That's a substance that has never once contributed to a large crowd situation getting out of control. What could possibly go wrong?

    Things got off to a rocky start, with some members of Jefferson Airplane being attacked on stage. It was so chaotic by late afternoon, the Grateful Dead refused to play and left. (Bear in mind, one of their most popular songs is about piloting a locomotive while doing cocaine.)

    Once the Rolling Stones took the stage, things took an even darker turn. During the song "Under My Thumb," an 18-year-old guy in a green suit named Meredith Hunter pulled a gun on one of the Angels, and wound up getting stabbed five times. He died. The Stones kept right on playing, closing down the set with a perhaps-in-retrospect-poorly-chosen "Street Fightin Man."

    There has been a lot of back-and-forth in the years since Altamont about who was actually to blame for what happened. The Angels? Cutler? The Stones? Regardless, the fact that Cutler has been so remiss to express actual remorse about what happened - preferring instead to distance himself from the entire scenario - and that he was apparently central in the decision to bring a bunch of drunk Hells Angels into the mix, qualifies him for hippie scumbagdom in my book.

    Plus he named his autobiography "You Can't Always Get What You Want," which is totally lame and predictable and trite for a guy who actually worked with the Stones. I mean, come ON. Whassamatta wit choo boy?

  3. 6

    Paul David Addis

    You may remember Paul Addis (codename: Tangelo Starfish, probably) as the doofus who lit the Burning Man on fire too early at the 2007 Burning Man event. Yes, he suffers from premature inflagration. It affects dozens of men annually.

    Addis kind of denied being the culprit for a while, and sort of half-tried to sell the whole think as a "prank" afterwards. (Ah, the old "set fire to the thing a whole bunch of people were excited about setting fire to a little later" bit. I love that one.) Finally, he decided that he was really a Burning Man activist, protesting how, like, you know, the Black Rock's CHANGED since the '90s, bro, and it was all like commercial now.

    More likely explanation? The guy's a compulsive pyromaniac and repeat attempted arsonist. Here's Laughing Squid's coverage of his pathetic attempt to burn down San Francisco's perfectly lovely Grace Cathedral. OK, he was more standing next to it, angrily, with some low-grade explosives. Hey, he's used to burning things that were designed to be burned, okay? Give the guy some time to warm up. (See what I did there?)

    What kind of sad individual feels the need to screw around with Burning Man? Those people are already screwing around! It's not like you're upending a World Trade Organization conference, doofus. It's a bunch of artists and wannabe artists comparing shoulder tats and driving decorated Autopia cars around in the 200 degree New Mexico heat for a week. You think interrupting those kinds of shenanigans actually makes you some kind of rebel? Why not just break up the local 3rd grader's handball game and call it an afternoon?

  4. 5
    Yes, yes, Crosby Stills & Nash have some great songs. But David's not even the most talented guy in the band (and I'm not even talking CSNY!), and he's got some serious splainin' to do on a whole raft of other charges.

    - He almost single-handedly ruined The Byrds

    Back in his Byrds days, Crosby was notorious for his lazy, half-assed live performances, his insufferable need to be the center of attention and for his inane political diatribes between songs. While recording the album "The Notorious Byrd Brothers," he got butthurt about the band's refusal to include some of his cheesier odes to free love hippiedom (one of them about menage a trois and called, guh, "Triad"). Finally, he became so impossible to work with, the remaining Byrds Roger McGuinn and Michael Clarke kicked him out of the band and replaced him on the album cover with a horse.

    - He likes to do drugs and then drive around with weapons in his car

    In 1985, WHILE ON PROBATION for drunk driving, Crosby was involved in a hit-and-run accident. (Surprise, surprise, he was the one who hit and ran. In this case, it was a fence.) When he was arrested, police found a pistol and cocaine in his car. He must have really hated that fence!

    Nearly 20 years later, in 2004, Crosby left an ounce of marijuana, rolling papers, two knives and a .45-caliber pistol in a hotel room and was arrested when he came back to get them. (As Oscar Bluth taught us, you never leave a little bud behind.)

    Then there's the whole chronic womanizing/having 2 kids and then putting them both up for adoption thing...But there's other hippie scumbags to get to and we could be here all day.

  5. 4
    First off, before we even get into his real crimes against humanity, it must be said that John Phillips is responsible for not just one but TWO of the most irritating, cloying, self-satisfied hippie anthems ever recorded. He wrote BOTH "California Dreaming" AND "San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair)." That alone basically merits inclusion.

    But there's more, so much much more.

    - That mustache

    - He blew pretty much every shot he had at success after the dissolution of The Mamas and the Papas by being a drug addled f**k-up

    - He worked tirelessly on a musical called "Man on the Moon" (later simply "Space") which received some of the worst reviews of all time and closed after 1 performance. Years later, he accused George Lucas of ripping him off with "Star Wars."

    - He got a liver transplant in 1992 and then WASTED A SECOND SHOT AT LIFE BY CONTINUING TO DRINK HEAVILY! When asked about it, he said he was just "breaking [the new liver] in." It should have been reclaimed on the spot.

    - Finally, in her book "High on Arrival," his daughter Mackenzie Phillips alleged that he had raped her when she was 19, and that they afterwards carried on an incestuous relationship for a decade. Mackenzie also told Oprah Winfrey that John had injected her with heroin and cocaine, and that she only broke off the relationship because she got pregnant and feared the child might be her dad's.

    Sing it with me now! "All the leaves are brown...and the sky is gray..."

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